I've always had a fantastic imagination. All things fantasy. I loved it. I daydreamed, I thought up wonderful scenarios in my mind. Especially at night before I fell asleep, they would help me fall asleep. Two months ago I had a huge panic attack over body tingles (I realize I had pent up stress and anxiety leading up to that moment) and because I had no other 'valid' reason for freaking out, it seems I thought I was losing my mind. I had scary/intrusive/negative thoughts. More so while adjusting to the anxiety meds. I feared losing my mind for over a month. 4 or so weeks into Meds later, I am better as far as keeping anxiety at bay more (I don't fear losing my mind), but now it seems I can't 'access' my good imagination anymore. I can't daydream. Think of pleasant fantasy things without feeling anxious/scared. It's like I'm afraid to make believe good things. That because I initially thought I was losing touch with reality, my mind won't go to fantasyland out of fear? Does that make sense? Is that what is happening? Am I afraid of thinking fantasy because I think I won't be able to distinguish real from fantasy and be able to come back from the clouds? That's the only thing I can think of what is happening and it's making me sad. It's bothering me immensely. I'm afraid I'll never get the one thing I loved about myself back. I try so hard to imagine fun, make believe things and it's hard. I tense up. I can't get into it, I can't picture anything vividly. I start to get anxiety. Perhaps this is why I still having sleep issues. I can't start thinking of fantasy scenarios to lull me to sleep. My mind won't let me. I won't even watch my favorite fantasy movies or read books. I am trying to overcome this but I don't know where or how to begin. I know it HAS to be possible to get this back. My mind isn't screwed up now... I'm wondering if a form of exposure/desensitization therapy would work? I know, this whole thread sounds silly. But that's me, silly thoughts...
Anyone lose their good imagination? Or afraid of it?
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Cuchculan
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Maybe you are connecting one with the other. You once had a great imagination. Then things got bad. Never blame the good imagination for things going bad. Somewhere deep inside you might think this way. That your mind was never fully focused. Or maybe somebody told you that people don't do all that sort of stuff as a rule. Heck nothing like a good imagination that we can escape to. Our own little private world. You see, once feeling down, it is far easier to think bad things. Why not try and write out what you always imagined. Put it down on paper. Read it before bed. Keep doing this. Bit like training the mind all over again. The more it gets the more it will want.
Cuchculan
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The negative stuff is something your subconscious mind might be afraid of. That it might come back. This is on a very deep level. Thus it might be afraid to let go and think again. So write it down. Even get some books that are easy to ready along the same lines as your old imagination. To show the subconscious mind that it is OK to daydream and have these thoughts again. Nothing better than a good escape place made up by the mind. A nice place. Were we can relax. Create that place on paper. Then even record it. Let it play at night. Find that good place once more.