Anyone else get anxiety when you're not in complete privacy?

[simonsaysdifferent]

As an introvert I need time by myself to recharge, but I take it to an extreme. I cannot fully relax unless I know that A) No one can see me, not even in passing and B) No one will disturb me for any reason.


Living with roommates makes it really hard for me to relax and I just feel on edge. Even if I'm in my room with the door closed I still feel like I can't fully be myself unless no one is going to be around. If someone knocks on my door to ask a question that would take 2 seconds to answer, I immediately tense back up revert to a more "social" personality. The only way I can fully feel like I'm recharged is if I hike into the woods where no one/very few people go where I feel like I'm guaranteed however much time I need of total privacy.


Is anyone else like this? How can I cope with going through times where I can't escape to somewhere completely private for days at a time? It ruins vacations and road trips I take with friends and family.

 

[CrepesforDapes]

I'm pretty similar to you, except not as extreme. I'd definitely say I get anxious when I'm not alone, but like you said, I'm an introvert, so I need time to recharge. I find that after a few weeks of being outgoing and doing things that require me to be social, I'm absolutely drained and need a week or two to recharge. For that time, I become pretty anxious and try to avoid as much human activity as possible. However, when I'm being outgoing, I don't really experience the same feeling. I think it's because when I'm forced to interact with people for a few days, my body is expected to make myself feel not anxious, but after that I enter a state of extreme fragility and wanting to ignore everyone. I'm fairly certain to a fight or flight instinct that kicks in when having to interact with people, and after experiencing that for a while, your body shuts down a little bit and needs time to recover.

 

[Roscas]

I want my privacy respected. But that is applied outside my immediate family. I respect the privacy of my family members and friends as well. I see to it that I ask permission before giving out other people's information such as phone numbers. But I do get stressed out when I am prohibited or not given permission to ask who my husband or child is talking with on the phone, who they are chatting with on their computer or tablet or whatever gadget they are using. My children, whom I raised and trained, are more lenient when I ask. My husband is very protective of his gadgets. He stresses me more with his obsession on his own privacy. But I have to walk my talk.... respect each other's space.... that includes each other's privacy.


I react sometimes when someone I know had given my phone number or email to someone I may know, worse, I do not know. Respect and trust mean differently to me, I guess.

 

[Alex]

Privacy is something that is pretty sacred when you have anxiety and you appreciate it all the more when you lose it. I think everyone needs there own space at some time, and also learning to respect that people need space is very important. Often I can see when people need space and I give it to them, but that's down to experience too and how I hope people treat me.


I once lived on a spiritual retreat, but it wasn't that spiritual. There was nowhere that you could have any privacy and that drove my people crazy. Even the bathrooms were either communal or people had no respect for when you were doing your business and tried to talk to you through the door. Many people left and they stated it because there was no where to have a private conversation or just to sit and read unless you went for a walk. This affected people who never had anxiety issues before, and they ended up getting in their cars and just driving off the site to escape. We mentioned it to the people runign it who had this idea that people needed to be open in everything, yet they had their own private apartments and homes!

 

[amy88]

Yes - I actually lived alone and paid a mortgage solo before I met my husband - people suggested to me that I get a housemate or two to help with the mortgage and the bills but the idea of having people in my space that I wasn't 100% comfy with was a big N-O from me.


I value my privacy so much - and to me my home especially is my sanctuary. If I don't have privacy there, I feel like I can't get it anywhere. I'm not even a huge fan of having overnight house guests (even people I know and love!) because I need a break from them.

 

[pwarbi]

In the past I have also lived on my own for a number of years, and while I'm not saying that you turn into a recluse, you certainly get used to enjoying your own company more than when you are in the company of others. There's nothing wrong with being comfortable being on your own and enjoying your privacy, but also at the same time I do think that you have to try and make sure that you balance it out a bit with going out and meeting people as well. Even if you don't actually speak to them then just being in surroundings with people around you helps you be more sociable.


After living on my own for so long, it was a massive shock to then live with somebody again and it did take me awhile to get used to it and I wish now that I hadn't have been alone for so long as I do now regret those years of my life if I look back on them to much.

 

[djordjem87]

I used to have this issue but it is better now. It was very unsettling time for me and the funniest thing is I didn't know why all this happened. I wasn't too stressed then, now I am more, but still, when I was around too many people, sometimes, I was too anxious and I had to leave. I think it has to do with some other disorders that I might have. Everything combined I guess. OCD and claustrophobia for example. I do not like confide space and I surely do not like when too many people do things that are out of any logic at all. I am not always like this but it is what it is. There is not much to change. I got used to live with all these. I manage myself.

 

[AlysBunny]

I absolutely value my privacy. As far as relaxing with others around, I can relax with my long term boyfriend and a few of my friends. I don't like people other than those few to be in my home and if they are going to be there, I want a decent amount of warning. I also like a text when my boyfriend is on his way home, even if he's alone. Him just appearing, especially if his schedule has changed, can really freak me out. When I lived with roommates, I had the same trouble as you simonsaysdifferent unless they were really close trusted friends.


If my boyfriend gets in my stuff or gets clingy or pries into things I don't want to talk about, I freak out. I do not tolerate feeling suffocated and I need to feel like I have things and times that are completely my own. Unlike Roscas it doesn't bother me when he has his own private things. I have enough to worry about with my own stuff and I don't need to worry about his. Early in the relationship, when we were still working out the parameters of privacy, he joked "what if I was thinking about cheating and you'd know by going on my tablet? Wouldn't you want to know?" - that was his argument for why he sometimes wanted to use my devices. I told him that I didn't really need another thing to worry about. That we could choose to be together or not. I told him that if he was planning to move out, he could just tell me and if I wanted him gone, I would use my adult words. If he wanted another girlfriend (or boyfriend, whatever) to have fun and use protection. Then I warned him that lack of privacy would push me away faster than anything else he could do. It would destroy my trust in him if he violated my things. We've been together for 10 years now so it's working just fine.

 

[MissTea]

That's something we all have in common. I like my privacy too, and it's right at the top of my list of values when it comes to my living arrangements. I have always liked being alone, and I would rather curl up with a good book than go out and socialize. In fact, a lot of my friends have called me anti-social but I don't care. I just love being on my own and when I can't be, I get a little anxious and I can't relax.

 

[fuzyon]

Living with roommates is definitely a hard thing for us, when I was in that same situation I felt like I wasn't myself. When I'm at home i do whatever I want, listen to music loud, wear really comfy clothes (or none, haha ) but living with another person made things harder. I was always cautious of how I look and act and I was also not able to perform all my regular activities without the fear of judgement, even though the person I was staying with was a really understanding friend.

 

[Quirah]

I definitely deal with this too. One of my biggest triggers for my anxiety is when my door isn't closed, or even when I'm in someone else's room and their door isn't closed. I've always been this way even before my anxiety got extremely bad. I also don't like if I can feel someone watching me when I'm doing something. I get so anxious that I start to shake. I share a room with my sister and I'll have a full-blown anxiety attack or get furious if she brings someone in our room and I wasn't expecting it, especially if I wake up and the person is unexpectedly there.

 

[Corzhens]

I am not really an introvert but when privacy is the issue, I feel very uncomfortable. Sometimes we take a trip to the province and stay overnight in cheap motels. That would be very uncomfortable to me because I am suspicious of the place. I feel like there is a hole somewhere with a peeping tom. Especially in the bathroom, I am always wary. In a beach resort, we always get the premium accommodation that comes with a bathroom and other amenities. The cheaper accommodation is one with the room only and with a common bathroom and toilet for 6 rooms. Again, privacy is my priority especially when I am not in our own home. I don't want an anxiety attack just because of the lousy accommodation.


There was a time when we camped out in a resort. We slept inside a tent, my husband and I in one tent. But the tent was good because it has a zipper that gave us complete privacy. I felt more comfortable in that tent than in the cheap motel.

 

[Panic57]

I'm definitely an introvert, I need alone time to recharge but I don't really get anxious about being disturbed. I know that I'm expected to cook when my family is hungry and do chores since I'm part of the household. But usually, if it's really bad, I just take a really long bath and lock the bathroom for an hour or two. I have to have little recharges throughout the day instead of a full day of no people. I do agree with needing privacy that people can't stay at you in passing so I keep my door shut but not locked. I have to consider other's feelings and their need to get to me in an emergency.

 

[yeppeo]

I get what you mean. It seems I constantly live with a mask when I'm with someone and when I came home that mask finally falls and I can be myself. It's not a matter of being "fake" but it feels I need to maintain a certain appearance in my mind and it makes me feel really nervous, as I feel I can't go out of that "appearance" track. It's like living on edge with the fact that we aren't really true to ourselves and because of that we can never show others what is true either. Wish I could explain it better.

 

[Zamininc]

Same here. I'm also an introvert and I can't stand being around anyone who isn't extremely close (girlfriend) for an extended length of time. And when I'm trying to rest and recharge when I can't be in complete privacy it's not even resting at all - just me laying/sitting there feeling a pressure on my chest and getting slightly annoyed. If you don't live on your own I find the bathroom can provide a quick 10-20 minutes of privacy.

 

[sidney]

Well I do require my privacy at all times, but since I grew up with my brother sharing the same room up until I was 26, then the loss of privacy isn't really a big issue for me since I was used to it. I have a very nosy mom, dad and bro, like they would snoop in my personal things, read my letters, insert my USB flash drives when I'm asleep or out, eavesdrop on my phone calls if they're in the same room, etc. so I think even if I would want to have privacy, it seems impossible to do so.


I think the best thing to do in your situation seems like to get an apartment for yourself if you can afford it, since privacy is impossible if you're sharing a room with your roommates.

 

[janemariesayed]

For some reason, and I don't know what it is, but I really don't like to be in front of people. Mainly because they can see me. Maybe I will make a mistake or something but I feel embarrassed in front of them. I really value my privacy and I can only relax fully when I know that I am completely on my own, except for my dogs of course.