Weeds of anxiety have been popping up these past couple of weeks, and I got a big one today after an encounter with a homeless man. Sorry for the wall of text to follow.
I work in a city and park in a public garage a few blocks from my workplace, and I'm asked by homeless people for money as I'm going to and fro. Today a young man who looked homeless pleaded to the group of us waiting for the walk signal that his blood sugar was low and that he needed food. Everybody else ignored him, but I was concerned that he might have truly been in trouble on this hot day. It reminded me of when a few years ago on a similarly hot day I was in trouble just a couple of blocks from there as I was having a severe anxiety attack (I didn't know it was an anxiety attack) and on the verge of collapsing on the sidewalk; I finally had to walk into a building and ask the receptionist to call an ambulance for me. Recalling that traumatic episode, I couldn't bring myself to assume he was lying for money and ignore him. I pointed out to him that a grocery store was on the next block (it's kind of like a bodega and could easily be missed), then realized that I could have come across as mocking. That wasn't my intent at all, but immediately regretted how thoughtless my comment was. He got loud, yelling at me that he was asking somebody to buy him some food and accused me of acting stupid to get rid of him. As he said it, he came up right next to me. He didn't seem to be threatening me with his approach, but increasing his gesture of begging for help. I assured him I just misunderstood what he was asking (I thought he was asking for cash). Partly out of concern and partly to make amends for my thoughtless comment, I told him I'd go to the grocery store and get him something to eat. We'd be in public the whole time with a lot of people around, and I just didn't get the impression that he'd attack me. He was composed and polite as we walked to and through the store, but I of course was still on edge. Would he try for more once we were in the store? After I bought him the food, would he try to follow me to my car? Thankfully, the only thing was that he asked if he could get a can of soda, then put two on the checkout. I let it go. His stuff totaled $12. I paid with a credit card so the cash-back option wouldn't appear on the screen. After I got the receipt, I took the item I got for myself and pointed out the bags in case he wanted one, then wished him well and left while he was still bagging his stuff.
I've never done anything like that with the homeless people I encounter around my work. The most I've done is given somebody a dollar, but I usually don't do that because of all I've heard about money given to them typically being used for alcohol or drugs. In this case, it was a few food items that he wasn't likely to sell for drug money. However, I realized that once he was in the store he didn't seem quite as distressed as he was when he was on the street corner. Then again, he could have felt psychologically better once he knew he'd have food in a few minutes. Again, I let it go. He was clearly homeless, it was a hot day, and it was a few food items. Taking homeless people to the grocery store isn't going to be my new thing, but I'll chalk this one up to a charitable deed that, despite the risk, felt like the right thing to do at the time. Regardless, I was buzzing with anxiety all the way home.
By the time I got to my car, I wanted nothing but to be at the other end of my commute home so I could decompress. I thought about looking for work in a suburban area, which I plan to do. Then I started thinking about how my anxiety is returning, that I could conceivably need to take some leave although I'm the sole breadwinner in my household, that I could get home to bedlam instead of the tranquility I need tonight, and other nooks and crannies in the rabbit hole.
Typing this out helped me decompress. Thanks for reading, and sorry again for the long paragraphs.
I work in a city and park in a public garage a few blocks from my workplace, and I'm asked by homeless people for money as I'm going to and fro. Today a young man who looked homeless pleaded to the group of us waiting for the walk signal that his blood sugar was low and that he needed food. Everybody else ignored him, but I was concerned that he might have truly been in trouble on this hot day. It reminded me of when a few years ago on a similarly hot day I was in trouble just a couple of blocks from there as I was having a severe anxiety attack (I didn't know it was an anxiety attack) and on the verge of collapsing on the sidewalk; I finally had to walk into a building and ask the receptionist to call an ambulance for me. Recalling that traumatic episode, I couldn't bring myself to assume he was lying for money and ignore him. I pointed out to him that a grocery store was on the next block (it's kind of like a bodega and could easily be missed), then realized that I could have come across as mocking. That wasn't my intent at all, but immediately regretted how thoughtless my comment was. He got loud, yelling at me that he was asking somebody to buy him some food and accused me of acting stupid to get rid of him. As he said it, he came up right next to me. He didn't seem to be threatening me with his approach, but increasing his gesture of begging for help. I assured him I just misunderstood what he was asking (I thought he was asking for cash). Partly out of concern and partly to make amends for my thoughtless comment, I told him I'd go to the grocery store and get him something to eat. We'd be in public the whole time with a lot of people around, and I just didn't get the impression that he'd attack me. He was composed and polite as we walked to and through the store, but I of course was still on edge. Would he try for more once we were in the store? After I bought him the food, would he try to follow me to my car? Thankfully, the only thing was that he asked if he could get a can of soda, then put two on the checkout. I let it go. His stuff totaled $12. I paid with a credit card so the cash-back option wouldn't appear on the screen. After I got the receipt, I took the item I got for myself and pointed out the bags in case he wanted one, then wished him well and left while he was still bagging his stuff.
I've never done anything like that with the homeless people I encounter around my work. The most I've done is given somebody a dollar, but I usually don't do that because of all I've heard about money given to them typically being used for alcohol or drugs. In this case, it was a few food items that he wasn't likely to sell for drug money. However, I realized that once he was in the store he didn't seem quite as distressed as he was when he was on the street corner. Then again, he could have felt psychologically better once he knew he'd have food in a few minutes. Again, I let it go. He was clearly homeless, it was a hot day, and it was a few food items. Taking homeless people to the grocery store isn't going to be my new thing, but I'll chalk this one up to a charitable deed that, despite the risk, felt like the right thing to do at the time. Regardless, I was buzzing with anxiety all the way home.
By the time I got to my car, I wanted nothing but to be at the other end of my commute home so I could decompress. I thought about looking for work in a suburban area, which I plan to do. Then I started thinking about how my anxiety is returning, that I could conceivably need to take some leave although I'm the sole breadwinner in my household, that I could get home to bedlam instead of the tranquility I need tonight, and other nooks and crannies in the rabbit hole.
Typing this out helped me decompress. Thanks for reading, and sorry again for the long paragraphs.
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) and I can tell you that when someone feels this way they need food in them fast. You saw a need, trusted the person was being honest, and stepped in to help. Good job, Vincent!!!