Anxiety ruined my relationship with inlaws

[FullOfWorries]

For the last 5 years I've struggled with Social anxiety, right around the time I started dating my boyfriend. This then turned into mild depression. This made building relationships with his family extremely hard and I think they thought I was really rude. When the truth was I was just so anxious about saying something silly, wrong or embarrassing myself I wouldn't say very little.

No matter how often I was around them, I couldn't get comfortable. I convinced myself they hated me (I thought everyone hated me). One example would be when my bfs youngest niece was born. We went to see the baby and as always I was extremely anxious but I genuinely wanted to visit this new bundle of joy so made myself go. I got there and barely said a word. Didn't even say congratulations. I managed to muster a 'how are you doing' to my bfs sister- I had been with my bf 3 years by this point so I couldn't even use the 'nervous because we didn't really know each other'

Now I have i under control I'm 98% back to my normal self, however I can't stop hating on my self for being this way. How they must of thought I was so rude and so quiet when that's far from it. It's definitely affected my relationship with them and my bfs nieces and I know that if I had just been my normal self from the start we would have gotten on fine.

I see so many posts of my friends on social media with their OHs family and nieces/nephews and hate that I don't have that.


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[janemariesayed]

Hello @FullOfWorries nice to meet you and a very warm welcome to our little community. It sounds like you are really quite shy and social anxiety is nothing to feel ashamed about.

Perhaps you can explain to your boyfriends mum how you feel? If you explained to her quietly I am sure that she would understand and let the other members of the family know your problem. You have been with your boyfriend for quite a while now, enough time for his family to be used to you and love you already. You are one of the family and they probably just accept you the way you are.

Try not to make a comparison with people on social media. Most of it is hype anyway.

 

[FullOfWorries]

Hello @FullOfWorries nice to meet you and a very warm welcome to our little community. It sounds like you are really quite shy and social anxiety is nothing to feel ashamed about.

Perhaps you can explain to your boyfriends mum how you feel? If you explained to her quietly I am sure that she would understand and let the other members of the family know your problem. You have been with your boyfriend for quite a while now, enough time for his family to be used to you and love you already. You are one of the family and they probably just accept you the way you are.

Try not to make a comparison with people on social media. Most of it is hype anyway.

Thank you so much for the reply! I think the most frustrating thing is I never used to be that shy. I was quite outgoing and even though I was generally a little shy when first meeting someone, it didn't take long before my confidence came in. Before my social anxiety kicked in, I really was pretty social and knowing who I was and used to be it is so frustrating that I, for some reason, am no longer that person


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[Concernedgal]

How old were you when you first felt anxiety? Some people are genetically predisposed to suffer depression and it usually starts either when you hit puberty or as a young adult like me. I was 17. Anxiety is in your life now but, you don't have to let it be your life. Just live. Go on with your life and don't let anxiety ruin it. You have to understand that just because you have anxiety. You are more than your anxiety and you should just try to find the person you were before it and try your best to ignore your anxiety. What i'my suggesting is going to be hard but, anxiety only ruins your life .. if you let it.

 

[FullOfWorries]

How old were you when you first felt anxiety? Some people are genetically predisposed to suffer depression and it usually starts either when you hit puberty or as a young adult like me. I was 17. Anxiety is in your life now but, you don't have to let it be your life. Just live. Go on with your life and don't let anxiety ruin it. You have to understand that just because you have anxiety. You are more than your anxiety and you should just try to find the person you were before it and try your best to ignore your anxiety. What i'my suggesting is going to be hard but, anxiety only ruins your life .. if you let it.

Hi Concernedgal, I was 18 when it al started coming along. Not long after I went onto BC, which I do think had some sort of impact on me. I am getting there and it is getting better but I do find it difficult getting over things in the past, which in turn brings depressive and anxious thoughts back


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[Concernedgal]

Here's the bitch
of it too. Before my anxiety started when I was 17.. I had a moderately good life and now... like many other anxiety sufferers. . It's 1 day at a time. Some days are better than others that's for sure but, either way... it's a battle . A battle to stay and maintain a normal life ( at least as normal as it can be for us anyway) . But, we do it. Some people would say that people like us are weak but, I don't think so. I say it takes a whole hell of alot more strength to fight this everyday . This is strength from deep within. It takes alot to live the way we do and not go crazy. It's takes a lot to live with anxiety but also have to live in a world where people just can't understand us and in a way ( to me anyway ) that's ok. You don't have to understand ... just respect my boundaries if I'm anxious. Don't push me to (get over ) my symptoms and I will get better in my own time and in my own way . I suppose what I'm trying to say is. Please stop judging me. Because if your not a sufferer... you don't know. That's what I would love to say to my family and friends that's never had to have a panic attack. This is why I love this place too because you get to meet a lot of great people ( who will soon become friends ) who knows what it's like and have a lot of great perspectives on what you go through. Welcome here. I hope you find this place as helpful as I have. It feels great to be understood.