Anxiety Ruined My Honeymoon

[Lisa18]

I'm new to this forum and just looking for some reassurance or maybe to find someone with a similar experience.

I've had anxiety for years and am on a low dose of Zoloft - which has worked wonders. Day to day, I don't feel much anxiety. However, between planning my wedding and our honeymoon, I have been more anxious than usual. I was way more anxious about the wedding, everything went smoothly, and so I figured I was out of the woods. Fast forward a month, June 22nd is the beginning of our honeymoon in Jamaica. I haven't been on a plane in a long time, so I was very worried about that, but I got on. Did have a panic attack on the plane, took Xanax, and then everything was fine.

We get to Jamaica, and we're both so excited. My husband has never been on vacation, so I'm also so excited just to see his reaction to everything. We were planning to go swimming with dolphins, scuba diving, snorkeling, etc. We arrive at the resort, have lunch, and then I started to feel anxious again. My stomach was a little upset after I ate, so now I'm getting worried that the food I ate is making me sick. Then, I start thinking about the water and that it might have been unsafe to drink (even though they told us its safe). We hung by the pool and on the beach that first day, went to dinner, but I couldn't eat. We went to bed early since we were traveling all day. Wake up the next day and I'm in a near constant state of panic. We did still go to the pool and beach - I had fun in small doses - but a lot of the time I was scared. Couldn't eat anything again. So now, it's over 24 hours since I ate or drank anything (but water). I feel terrible for my husband. All I want to do is go home. The next day we ended up leaving. I was terrified I was going to end up in the hospital because I couldn't eat anything...we were supposed to be there for a week, you can't just not eat for a week and be fine.

My husband was very understanding. We did some things together at home, but I still feel terrible about it. I ruined our honeymoon. And now we found out we probably won't be able to get any type of refund, and I'm pretty sure he's very angry with me. =( I just feel like I failed.

 

[Adirv14]

Congratulations on the marriage. I can understand your stress. My fiance and I are currently trying to plan our wedding, study for bar, and move to a new city. It can be a stressful time. Your no stranger to the anxiety game. It wants you to feel down on yourself but you really shouldnt. Yes you had to cut short the honeymoon but you did make it there and back in one piece. It is unfortunate they wont refund you anything. However money is nothing compared to what you and your husband have. You guys have plenty of time to explore the world. Dont feel like a failure. There was alot of good things that happened the wedding was a complete success, and you got to be in Jamaica for a couple days. Dont feel down try to find some happiness in what you got to do. I also have am on zoloft xanax combo im not so sure i would have had enough courage to get on the plane if i wasnt feeling perfect, so you are pretty strong about dealing with anxiety so give yourself credit.

 

[Kimberly Hunt]

Definitely do not feel bad about what has happened. Your husband loves you and obviously he cares enough about you that your feeling better comes first. I have had things like that happen to me, in fact I was planning a trip to Cancun with my Mom and my sister and I backed out at the last minute. My mom was left with the plane fair, thankfully she had insurance on it for cancellations but she still had to pay for the cancellation . I felt awful, but my fear of being there and flying was too much to handle. I think we get so wrapped in all of this negative space that we are constantly afraid of hurting or making other people angry/disappointed at us and that leads to more anxiety. You are going through something and if anyone really cares about you, they will be understanding and supportive.

 

[Jarrod Beyler]

The unfamiliar can for sure cause anxiety. The first time i vacationed in the Cayman islands i was always on guard and never could relax. My advice is to take another short honeymoon and go somewhere close to home for the weekend and enjoy yourself! Congratulations of your marriage!

 

[Peanutbuttercup]

You are going to be with this guy for the next 50 years. This won’t even be a blip on the radar. Something very similar happened to my parents on their honeymoon, and they’ve been married over 50 years and have 5 kids. Congrats on the marriage!

 

[Lisa18]

Thank you all for responding. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, but it's difficult. I think I am often feeling like my anxiety is ruining things for other people, like Kimberly said, even though I'm just assuming that's what is happening. My husband doesn't seem to be to bothered by it, and I told him WE WILL go on vacation again. LOL.

 

[Peacelily]

Yes Lisa18 please don't beat yourself up about how your Honeymoon went. You know you married the right man, if it doesn't bother your husband that much. After all, it was just a vacation, which you can have again when you are ready. I think maybe all the pressure of the wedding got to you, and effected how you responded (delayed anxiety) on your honeymoon. Like, all the self-expectation, self-criticism, etc., had built up inside you, and it all came out in Jamaica because you were away from the frenzy of your wedding ceremony and reception, and able to finally emotionally process that big event in your life. Movies, books, music, paintings and art have all been created to reflect a new bride's anxieties on her honeymoon. It's nothing to feel shame about. So stop. Let it go. The longer you dwell on it, beat yourself up or ask your husband to constantly validate and forgive you, the worse you make it. It's over. Your husband moved on, so now it's your turn. You're married to your husband. He loves you. You will go on vacation again and enjoy yourself and eat and do all sorts of things. Just relax and move forward. Life is too short to dwell on mistakes. I tell myself that all the time.