Anxiety Over Gossip Spreading About You

[sidney]

Have you ever found yourself in a position where you are the victim of slanderous gossip? If yes then how did you handle it? Did you do nothing and you just let the rumors die down or you confronted the source, if ever you know who it is?  I assume that everyone who has experienced this felt some sort of anxiety over false rumors spreading about you. How did you deal with the anxiety that comes with it?

 

[Azelma]

I have some experience in this matter. For all I know, there are still rumors spreading about me where I used to live. I used to get anxious about it, obviously when I lived there, but now I don't even care to find out if there are still any and what they might possibly be. Those people are really not worth my time and thoughts.


Of course it was a different matter when I was closer to it, both physically and mentally. The thought of going to the store and running into someone you barely know, and then they glance at you and you wonder what they might've heard from that person who happens to hate you. I heard some of these stories from them first-hand once, and they were all simply bullshit. So maybe that's why I don't worry about it now, I know that whatever rumors there were circling about me were absolutely untrue and anyone who knew me would know so.


If you are in this situation now, all I can say is my condolences and I hope you get through it somehow. If at all possible, distance yourself from that place and those people.

 

[Alex]

It has happened to me in the workplace and it's hard to deal with because you don't know when it started. All I can say is to rise above it and don't flame the fire and give them ammunition. If people are quick to judge and believe something without any proof, then they aren't people worth having around as far as I am concerned.

 

[Ashley0323]

Yes, I tend to do this. Lately I have been working on not letting what others think get to me. Though its easier said than done. I am always afraid that the gossip is gonna be completely irrelevant and im made out to be a terrible person, when I am the complete opposite. 

 

[djanx]

There are two situations: One where you're actually a victim. And two, where you're not a victim, but your own insecurities make you feel like there's some rumor about you.


I have been through both situations and I have to say that the second one was more worrisome than the first. My insecurities made me think that other people were gossiping about me when in reality they weren't. I got over this. Now, anytime I feel someone may be gossiping about me, all I do is remind myself that people have their own lives to worry about. And if for some reason a person is gossiping about me then that person is wasting his precious time.

 

[17emilyhalko]

I have had so many rumors spread about me that it's not even funny. I had rumors spread about me that have been sexual, stupid, AND harming. Once there was a rumor spread about me that actually caused my name to be handed to the police... And after all of these rumors, I decided that it didn't matter what other people thought about me. As long as I knew that these things weren't true about myself, I was fine. I tried to just laugh the rumors off, because I knew how absurd they really were. Sometimes you can't just take it to heart.

 

[fuzyon]

I would be lying if I said rumors about me didn't make me feel self-concious and suffer from anxiety, but there was nothing I could do about it so I tried to keep my self contained while keeping on track for whatever was going on with my life at the time. I don't really listen to gossip about me but social anxiety made it a lot harder to take in.

 

[misszerable]

Gossips are part and parcel of life and office politics and I've been a victim several times. Some of those gossips came to light much later and I was just frustrated that I wasn't even given a chance to defend myself. I learned two years ago that people though I was taking drugs and using contraceptives when I was in college. I am anxious because I don't know who else knows about it and the gossips might just stick because these people hardly knew me. My relatives never liked my son's father and thought he was a drug addict and have influenced me to take drugs. They've also seen me with a 30-day pill which I honestly have found in my grandmother's house and showed to some relatives because I was curious about it. I was very naive in my college days and those things are farthest from my mind at that point. I think gossips like that only goes around circle of people who are in that level. 

 

[Elly]

I was unlucky with classmates in grade school. That's probably where anxiety about this began, when one of my "closest" nominal friends discovered she could lie and everyone would believe her every time, I imagine that she'd go, "Muahahaha, the power!!" That was probably not the case. Unfortunately, we all let her yo-yo us about, standing by her when she began to target any one of us, just glad I guess that it wasn't us.


It would probably have lasted into adulthood if I didn't have very good high school teachers, actively reinforcing the anti-bullying policy, demonstrating how "If you see something, say something," at the same time putting out that "What other people think about you is none of your business." So, that helped me so much in building healthy boundaries. It also helped that my high school valued critical thinking, so anyone who tried to spread gossip, and their supporters, could frankly be shamed for being foolish enough to believe a lie.


Managing anxiety over this is half the battle. Okay, two-thirds, maybe. Unfortunately, I'm an adult and not a schoolkid anymore, and I have seen malicious gossipers actively attempt to get a friend of mine shunned into poverty. Until then, I'd watch "Dangerous Liaisons" or "Anna Karenina" (the 2012 version with Kiera Knightly, who I don't think was the best actress for the role but the whole film was beautiful) and think that these are just bored, silly rich people who try to destroy each other with words. Unfortunately, in my experience, not-rich and even not-silly people do this. Take this as an opportunity to filter out loyal friends and perspicacious thinkers? Not everyone can afford to do that, not every community or society even has such people. I don't want to distressed people who want to overcome this, but in my unfortunate personal experience, those who are not anxious about this, ought to be!

 

[HappyKoi]

It's happened to me before, and to be honest, I'm still learning how to handle it.  If it's something that might affect my job, I usually go to my boss and set the record straight as soon as possible.  I trust that my friends will know the truth, a lot of people won't listen or care, and the people who are spreading it know what they're saying is a lie and won't change if I confront them.  Nevertheless, it is hard to sleep and relax when people are talking badly about you.  You keep wondering who will hear it, what will they think, will you get fired over it, etc.  I try to leave work stuff at work, especially if I'm in a situation where I can't do anything about it, but it's tough to do.

 

[sidney]

I have some experience in this matter. For all I know, there are still rumors spreading about me where I used to live. I used to get anxious about it, obviously when I lived there, but now I don't even care to find out if there are still any and what they might possibly be. Those people are really not worth my time and thoughts.


Of course it was a different matter when I was closer to it, both physically and mentally. The thought of going to the store and running into someone you barely know, and then they glance at you and you wonder what they might've heard from that person who happens to hate you. I heard some of these stories from them first-hand once, and they were all simply bullshit. So maybe that's why I don't worry about it now, I know that whatever rumors there were circling about me were absolutely untrue and anyone who knew me would know so.


If you are in this situation now, all I can say is my condolences and I hope you get through it somehow. If at all possible, distance yourself from that place and those people.

This is actually my first time experiencing this kind of situation, and it is because of someone who is jealous of me. I don't even have enemies to begin with. And you echo my thoughts right now, it's like, damn, I used to have a good image and this... I was told I am getting criticism and public ire for something I didn't even do. It helps that I am not around these people and I don't see them anymore, but the groups gossiping about me are still in touch with each other so the rumor still thrives years after it first started, and the "mastermind" just continues to make up one story after another. Oh well, just another "unpleasant life experience" under my belt. I do hope I will have the necessary mental and emotional strength to get through this.

 

[sorrowscall]

I probably have, but I wouldn't know. I don't associate myself much with people whom gossip and I've never really been bothered by it. I knew at an early age that I was going to be strange and that people were simply going to talk about a strange person. Though, I did once use a rumor about me to my advantage. I usually know who starts rumors about me. But, in the long run, I'm honestly just too old for that kind of thing now. 

 

[Alex]

When we lose control of a situation, it is natural to get anxious. What makes it worse is that it is personal and malicious. I seriously wish there were more deterrents against people gossiping and stabbing you in the back, but I accept it as base human nature.


All you can do is rise about it and beat them by showing them it cannot harm you. Karma does work, but it isn't a quick fix either. You have the right to defend yourself, but attacking is as bad as the other person.

 

[oportosanto]

I've been in such a situation yes and it cost me a couple of friends. Basically this guy was saying lies about me and other people took that for granted without even talking to me, so that was annoying, but it only shows the quality of people that surrounded me at the time. I just moved on.

 

[Sue]

I have been through this and still going through this. When my mom passed away I had sisters who started spreading rumours about me. They told some relatives all kinds of lies. At first it really upset me and I had a lot of anxiety over it. I have always been a good hearted person and would never intentionally hurt anybody and I never wanted anybody to think badly of me. Over time I began to realize that people would believer what they wanted to believe.  Those who knew me would know they were lies and that is all that matter. People will gossip and spread rumors. We have no control over that.

 

[Choochoo]

I almost always assumes certain types of people around me will inevitably talk about me partially because of their personality and also because I grew up in a family where they liked to talk about everyone when they weren't around so I was molded by an environment to be paranoid about these things. At some points in my life I'm able to let it go, especially when I'm feeling particularly good about my status at the time, but it's always something that nags at me at the back of my mind because of my upbringing. 

 

[Allenafaith]

When I was still in public school, this would happen to me a lot. I was bullied really bad and I know a lot of people were talking about me because of something that happened to me that was spread across the whole school behind my back. I am not sure if people still talk about me today. It's been about three years and I don't talk to most of those people anymore. It ruined my reputation at school and I left to home school, though. Now I'm always paranoid when people are laughing and staring at me that they're talking about me. 

 

[John Snort]

People will always say nasty things behind your back all the time. Of course the things which are said once you hear them can be quite annoying it matters little if you confront the people spreading those false stories about you. You ought to contemptuously ignore both the rumors and rumor-mongers. They'll let you be.

 

[DDNatureLover]

I can recall a time or two back in high school, and it related to a romantic relationship and someone who was after the guy I was dating. We ended up breaking up anyway, but it was hurtful. On the other hand, when I was in 7th grade, I started a new school in a different part of town. A particular group of girls had heard my name and that I was going to be a new student there and were all excited because they thought I was someone else with the same name. It turned out to be sort of funny, because they had all these preconceived notions of me, and it turned out I was even a different race than they were expecting. I have a feeling some here in my neighborhood wonder about and/or discuss my situation, but I try not to let it bother me. I remind myself that I've lived more in the first half of my life than many of them have, and I've had a lot of different experiences they will never go through, so I try to let it go.