Anxiety over future

[FullOfWorries]

I'm a bit of a control freak and have always had a plan since I was young about my future and what would happen by what age.

Everything was going according to plan when I met my current boyfriend at 18, we've been together 5 years and live together.

We're perfectly happy and don't want to rush into things like marriage and kids especially because we are still young, however the big problem with that is that it contradicts my long term plan.

My plans of the age I'd get married and have kids at, the age my parents would be when I gave them a grandchild etc. I don't want them to be too old, especially since I grew up with younger grandparents. I know rationally I have plenty time but the fact that my life isn't going according to the plan gives me horrible anxiety, to the point where it's almost all I think about. It scares me and keeps me up all night. It's obsessive but I can't seem to take my mind off it.

I hate it because it's such a small thing but my mind makes it huge and I tell myself if I want my future kids to have any relationship with their cousins, grandparents, aunts etc I need to hurry.

Please tell me I'm not alone!


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[FullOfWorries]

I'm a bit of a control freak and have always had a plan since I was young about my future and what would happen by what age.

Everything was going according to plan when I met my current boyfriend at 18, we've been together 5 years and live together.

We're perfectly happy and don't want to rush into things like marriage and kids especially because we are still young, however the big problem with that is that it contradicts my long term plan.

My plans of the age I'd get married and have kids at, the age my parents would be when I gave them a grandchild etc. I don't want them to be too old, especially since I grew up with younger grandparents. I know rationally I have plenty time but the fact that my life isn't going according to the plan gives me horrible anxiety, to the point where it's almost all I think about. It scares me and keeps me up all night. It's obsessive but I can't seem to take my mind off it.

I hate it because it's such a small thing but my mind makes it huge and I tell myself if I want my future kids to have any relationship with their cousins, grandparents, aunts etc I need to hurry.

Please tell me I'm not alone!


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I should probably add that I have a crippling fear that I won't be able to carry any children and the older I get the more the fear grows


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[Rinka]

Hi @FullOfWorries as John Lennon said “life is what happens when you are busy making other plans”. Of course you can plan certain things, fantasies about your future, I am similar. life is however never like that. It’s unpredictable and that can be scary.
I’m 31 now and don’t have children so far, I am planning to have some with my partner in a few years. It’s doable even in higher age. The medical profession is slowly lifting the opinion that pregnancies in later life are more dangerous. Yes complications are more likely in older age, but only by a few 0.01 percent. That that is really not much.
Forcing yourself into fulfilling your fantasy of your future will make you disappointed and anxious, because things happen that can’t be planned.

 

[janemariesayed]

Hi @FullOfWorries, Nice to meet you! You are still quite young to worry about having children and I am sure that you will have them at some time.

If you are worried about not having children, you really need to get it out of your mind as stress over it can prevent pregnancy. Why not take these next couple of years or so preparing yourself for your family. Save up to get married, that takes time, and it takes time to save up for a home for yourselves and a little one. It takes time to get the money together for all the baby stuff you will need too. And it also takes time to prepare your body. Getting your body full of the right vitamins for carrying is a great idea and having a healthy body means carrying a healthy baby.

You are still young and have enough years to plan your life, have your career, travel the world and explore space before you need to crack down on baby making.

Some Grandparents are old. Some Grandparents are middleaged, and some others are young. They are whatever age they are meant to be. If your grandparents are young and your children's grandparents older, don't worry. Your mum and dad will be happy to know that their daughter has had a really full and interesting life before she settled down to have a family. What is more, you would probably make better parents if you wait.