Anxiety for literally most my life

[cmardsal03]

Hi everyone,

I’m new to this site because I’ve found myself struggling more and more with this oftentimes debilitating and misunderstood disease called health anxiety. Forgive me if this post gets too long, I just need to get it off my chest.
I’m pretty sure I’ve been dealing with health anxiety since I was 5. I could remember an instance when I was a kid when one morning I woke up and couldn’t find my mom. I was SURE she was dead. It was horrible. At 10 I diagnosed myself with leukemia (minor bruises on my legs) and lymphoma when I was 13 (accidentally felt a tiny lymph node on my groin).
I went through a period where I was in and out of the hospital for different symptoms, and had most tests under the sun done to me. I cried, inconvenienced and hassled family and friends with my constant need to be reassured that I wasn’t gonna die. My anxiety has now evolved to being deathly scared of hospitals and doctors and to mostly keeping most of my worries to myself, and, well, Dr. Google. Why? Because no one in my immediate circle seems to understand what I go through on a daily basis. It feels like an uphill battle most days and it’s literally one symptom after another.
I’m now 38 and still alive! I must’ve diagnosed myself with more than 10 cancers (3 of them I feel I currently have), heart diseases, blood clots and aneurysms. I’m not in any way discounting or disrespecting those that struggle with real life-threatening diseases. I just wish I could enjoy life more as a normal person.
To everyone on here, I salute you.

C

 

[Rinka]

Hi and welcome.
Don’t worry about a post getting too long. They get as long as they need to be. It’s a good thing to just let it out and talk or write about it. People with similar experiences are the ones who can understand you and feel with you.
It’s always hard to explain the pain, stress, anxiety to someone who has not experienced it to that degree themselves.
I wish you, that you are able to off load here and can find support and maybe can be support for others as well.

 

[XmasCarol52]

Hi everyone,

I’m new to this site because I’ve found myself struggling more and more with this oftentimes debilitating and misunderstood disease called health anxiety. Forgive me if this post gets too long, I just need to get it off my chest.
I’m pretty sure I’ve been dealing with health anxiety since I was 5. I could remember an instance when I was a kid when one morning I woke up and couldn’t find my mom. I was SURE she was dead. It was horrible. At 10 I diagnosed myself with leukemia (minor bruises on my legs) and lymphoma when I was 13 (accidentally felt a tiny lymph node on my groin).
I went through a period where I was in and out of the hospital for different symptoms, and had most tests under the sun done to me. I cried, inconvenienced and hassled family and friends with my constant need to be reassured that I wasn’t gonna die. My anxiety has now evolved to being deathly scared of hospitals and doctors and to mostly keeping most of my worries to myself, and, well, Dr. Google. Why? Because no one in my immediate circle seems to understand what I go through on a daily basis. It feels like an uphill battle most days and it’s literally one symptom after another.
I’m now 38 and still alive! I must’ve diagnosed myself with more than 10 cancers (3 of them I feel I currently have), heart diseases, blood clots and aneurysms. I’m not in any way discounting or disrespecting those that struggle with real life-threatening diseases. I just wish I could enjoy life more as a normal person.
To everyone on here, I salute you.

C

Hi and welcome I can fully understand how you feel because I am the same way.Every single day it feels like I got something and it makes me extremely anxious which then becomes a panic attack.Right now I have a sore tongue and I feel something in my throat so i am thinking it could be another sinus infection I hope not I have had enough of those.I do not like hospitals and well doctors can all go to hell as far as I am c ooncerned .they wont listen all they seem to care about is there money.That is why sometimes I avoid going to them.I dont trust them either the last doctor I had went and dismissed me just because I couldnt come in when they wanted me to even though I told them I had no way of getting there .They think we should just drop everything for them and they dont get that I also suffer with agoraphobia as well.I do know one thing right now I am going through hell because I feel anxious really bad all the time>i fear life like what is going to happen next.

 

[janemariesayed]

Hi everyone,

I’m new to this site because I’ve found myself struggling more and more with this oftentimes debilitating and misunderstood disease called health anxiety. Forgive me if this post gets too long, I just need to get it off my chest.
I’m pretty sure I’ve been dealing with health anxiety since I was 5. I could remember an instance when I was a kid when one morning I woke up and couldn’t find my mom. I was SURE she was dead. It was horrible. At 10 I diagnosed myself with leukemia (minor bruises on my legs) and lymphoma when I was 13 (accidentally felt a tiny lymph node on my groin).
I went through a period where I was in and out of the hospital for different symptoms, and had most tests under the sun done to me. I cried, inconvenienced and hassled family and friends with my constant need to be reassured that I wasn’t gonna die. My anxiety has now evolved to being deathly scared of hospitals and doctors and to mostly keeping most of my worries to myself, and, well, Dr. Google. Why? Because no one in my immediate circle seems to understand what I go through on a daily basis. It feels like an uphill battle most days and it’s literally one symptom after another.
I’m now 38 and still alive! I must’ve diagnosed myself with more than 10 cancers (3 of them I feel I currently have), heart diseases, blood clots and aneurysms. I’m not in any way discounting or disrespecting those that struggle with real life-threatening diseases. I just wish I could enjoy life more as a normal person.
To everyone on here, I salute you.

C

Hiya, you are in the right place to get things off of y0ur chest on this forum. So don't let it worry you how long your posts are. Sometimes it takes more words to describe how we are feeling. It seems like your anxieties stem from when you thought you had lost your mother but it also seems as though your anxieties were nurtured and encouraged. I'm sorry you suffer from it. Anxieties are horrible.

 

[cmardsal03]

Hi Rinka,

Thanks so much for welcoming me so warmly. I’m very grateful. I always just used to come onto this site whenever I could feel like I couldn’t get a grip on my HA. But lately I’d started feeling alone in this battle; which was why I decided to become a member here. Hopefully I’d be able to help in the same way a lot of people on here have unknowingly helped me all these years.

 

[cmardsal03]

Hi and welcome I can fully understand how you feel because I am the same way.Every single day it feels like I got something and it makes me extremely anxious which then becomes a panic attack.Right now I have a sore tongue and I feel something in my throat so i am thinking it could be another sinus infection I hope not I have had enough of those.I do not like hospitals and well doctors can all go to hell as far as I am c ooncerned .they wont listen all they seem to care about is there money.That is why sometimes I avoid going to them.I dont trust them either the last doctor I had went and dismissed me just because I couldnt come in when they wanted me to even though I told them I had no way of getting there .They think we should just drop everything for them and they dont get that I also suffer with agoraphobia as well.I do know one thing right now I am going through hell because I feel anxious really bad all the time>i fear life like what is going to happen next.

Omg I’m having tongue issues myself too! Lately I’ve been feeling like I have a bump somewhere in the back of my tongue and of course I’d immediately diagnosed myself to having oral (tongue?) cancer. It’s exhausting and annoying and I just wish we all could get a break from HA. Well the country I’m currently working in is terrible for money-grabbing hospitals and doctors! It’s happened multiple times to my friends. That’s why I just don’t go to them anymore. How’re you? Hope you’re feeling much better now. Take care!

 

[cmardsal03]

Hiya, you are in the right place to get things off of y0ur chest on this forum. So don't let it worry you how long your posts are. Sometimes it takes more words to describe how we are feeling. It seems like your anxieties stem from when you thought you had lost your mother but it also seems as though your anxieties were nurtured and encouraged. I'm sorry you suffer from it. Anxieties are horrible.

They really truly are. Wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy. I honestly think I might’ve been born with anxiety! I remember from a very young age, waking up crying at night. It’s strange. So I’ve literally been living with it on and off my entire life. Thanks for reaching out, means a lot. Take care!

 

[Concernedgal]

Omg I’m having tongue issues myself too! Lately I’ve been feeling like I have a bump somewhere in the back of my tongue and of course I’d immediately diagnosed myself to having oral (tongue?) cancer. It’s exhausting and annoying and I just wish we all could get a break from HA. Well the country I’m currently working in is terrible for money-grabbing hospitals and doctors! It’s happened multiple times to my friends. That’s why I just don’t go to them anymore. How’re you? Hope you’re feeling much better now. Take care!

I know exactly what those bumps are. If you drink or eat alot of citrus ....these are called *lye bumps. The high acidity of citrus fruits or drinks can cause those.

 

[Fallenagel0296]

I've been dealing with anxiety since i was 12 years old i remeber being body self conscious, hiding in toilets to avoid going to lessons. Avoiding confrontations with other people has become a definable characteristic to my personality.

 

[Fallenagel0296]

I feel when im getting really overwhealmed that being touched or hearing certain sounds will just go straight throught me causing a headache and when they go out of head it leaves a temporary ear ache, loss of vision and awarness of the environment making me sick to my stomach. Complete sensory overload in certain environments and social situations, some peoples effort to provide consulation and insight can make me feel even worse.

 

[XmasCarol52]

I feel when im getting really overwhealmed that being touched or hearing certain sounds will just go straight throught me causing a headache and when they go out of head it leaves a temporary ear ache, loss of vision and awarness of the environment making me sick to my stomach. Complete sensory overload in certain environments and social situations, some peoples effort to provide consulation and insight can make me feel even worse.

this is crazy but whenever my hot water heater goes off I completely lose it.The noise is to loud and I yell at it to shut off.It never bothered me before but now whenever it does go on I suddenly start to sweat and shake.Why I have no idea.It just drives me crazy,I fear that it will be starting up soon.Ugh,I try to drown out the sound but it is kind of hard since they put it right in my kitchen ,these apts suck

 

[XmasCarol52]

Omg I’m having tongue issues myself too! Lately I’ve been feeling like I have a bump somewhere in the back of my tongue and of course I’d immediately diagnosed myself to having oral (tongue?) cancer. It’s exhausting and annoying and I just wish we all could get a break from HA. Well the country I’m currently working in is terrible for money-grabbing hospitals and doctors! It’s happened multiple times to my friends. That’s why I just don’t go to them anymore. How’re you? Hope you’re feeling much better now. Take care!

For me it feels like I bit my tongue which makes it hard to eat.I am so anxious lately I cannot stand it.I am sweating and shaking so bad.I just wish I could end it all.

 

[cmardsal03]

I feel when im getting really overwhealmed that being touched or hearing certain sounds will just go straight throught me causing a headache and when they go out of head it leaves a temporary ear ache, loss of vision and awarness of the environment making me sick to my stomach. Complete sensory overload in certain environments and social situations, some peoples effort to provide consulation and insight can make me feel even worse.

I hate confrontations too. I think part of our anxiety (or atleast my own) is a need to please and take care of everyone. My bf struggles to understand my situation. He says he’s dealt with anxiety in the past too (I’m assuming before we got together) but he disagrees in the way I cope with it. I personally don’t want to take any meds and he strongly believes I should. We get into huge arguments bec it does affect our relationship.
I deal with a laundry list of symptoms you wouldn’t believe. It feels like it’s literally all over my body, inside and outside. It makes me wonder how we’re able to go thru the day!

 

[cmardsal03]

this is crazy but whenever my hot water heater goes off I completely lose it.The noise is to loud and I yell at it to shut off.It never bothered me before but now whenever it does go on I suddenly start to sweat and shake.Why I have no idea.It just drives me crazy,I fear that it will be starting up soon.Ugh,I try to drown out the sound but it is kind of hard since they put it right in my kitchen ,these apts suck

Oh no I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. My anxiety could flare up anywhere from actually taking a shower to just after coming home from work to something a coworker said to feeling a pain or a bump anywhere in my body. Sometimes it just gets me really down. Like I should be living and enjoying life but I can’t.

 

[cmardsal03]

I know exactly what those bumps are. If you drink or eat alot of citrus ....these are called *lye bumps. The high acidity of citrus fruits or drinks can cause those.

Except I don’t really eat citrusy food regularly. I chew a lot of mint gum tho. Plus I smoke cigarettes. And that’s where this fear of oral cancer’s coming from. I know I shouldn’t and it’s so counter-productive but I feel like it’s the only thing (smoking that is) that sort of calms me down.

 

[XmasCarol52]

Oh no I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. My anxiety could flare up anywhere from actually taking a shower to just after coming home from work to something a coworker said to feeling a pain or a bump anywhere in my body. Sometimes it just gets me really down. Like I should be living and enjoying life but I can’t.

I am sorry that you have to deal with anxieties it isnt fair is it?This whole illness stinks.I am anxious the minute I get up in the morning.I feel like I want to jump out of my own skin

 

[janemariesayed]

They really truly are. Wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy. I honestly think I might’ve been born with anxiety! I remember from a very young age, waking up crying at night. It’s strange. So I’ve literally been living with it on and off my entire life. Thanks for reaching out, means a lot. Take care!

Ha ha, you say you think you were born with anxiety. I wonder sometimes if our anxieties are not from something that happened in our previous lives. That means we would be born with it and as we don't remember our past lives, we wouldn't know why we were anxious at all.