Anxiety disorder and dealing with a mother with dementia

[Guitarist41]

Hello all. I’m 41, and I’ve dealt with anxiety since I was about 12, severe anxiety since about 18 (being stuck in my home for about 10 years). I have since overcome much of my anxiety through the right kind of medication, education, and good doctors. I was married for 7 years, but have been separated and divorced for 2 years. That doesn’t bother me, but I have a 6 year old son, and for the last 2 years, I have been back living at my mothers. When I got here, I saw slowly noticed my mother missing some things and being off. Fast forward 2 years later, and she gets a vascular dementia diagnosis. I spend much of my days home with my mother to help her. I also had to switch doctors, and see a psychiatrist because of the newer laws on benzodiazepines. That’s all fine, I don’t abuse them, and never have. The problem is that the one I was seeing wanted to cut my medication bac, but cut it back far too quickly. This left me with a lot of rebound anxiety, waking up in a panic, jumping in my sleep, headaches, stomach aches, feeling very out of it, etc. I found another psychiatrist who agreed that it was cut by too much, and has since raised it. Not as much as before, but enough to help, I’m not thrilled that I have to use it, but I have to get my son from school, and take him in the mornings 3 days a week, and even that was becoming difficult.
So, I now find myself beginning to obsess the same thoughts I’ve had a million times, but now it’s also that I will develop dementia myself! I read about benzodiazepinesbeing a potential issue with it, my mom has it because of years of high blood pressure, and my dad is getting more forgetful. Even a friend I do some work for is only 50 and from previous medications from cancer recovery, and drug use when he was younger, is showingsigns of this problem. It literally feels like it’s everywhere I turn.
I have already had everything under the sun in my own mind, only not to have anything ever turn up. I know this is likely the same thing again, but the thoughts just seem to keep going no matter what I do.
I don’t know if I’m looking for advice, or if I’m just venting... maybe both. Either way, it’s really a lot weighing me down right now.

 

[Cuchculan]

Welcome to the forum. It is easy to see others getting a medical condition and thinking you might be getting it too. That does not have to be the case though. Just been around anybody with any type of medical disorder would put thoughts in your head. This is what is happening here. You could get checked out if it makes you feel better. but I am guessing it is just been around others with dementia. It has put a thought in your head. Which can happen. Especially to a person with anxiety.

 

[Guitarist41]

I’m just in a very tough spot. It’s myself, sister, niece, my son a few days a week and mother. I want to move and get away from this, my sister’s schedule would have mom here alone everyday, which she would be ok with for a while, but as the disease progresses, then what? I need my own house, and my own life. There would be a guilt leaving here. I’ve got to do something though.