Anxiety Dating

[Deeishere111]

Have you ever liked a person but experience anxiety just trying to strike up a conversation with them? I remember when I was dating how hard it was to talk with someone that I really liked. If it was a person I had absolutely no interest in I could talk a mile a minute. A person I was attracted to would cause my mind to go blank.

 

[Laneorexorcist]

I haven't dated on a really long time, and actually there's this guy that I like and I invited him to go out because I kind of like him and I think that it would be interesting to talk to him, and I think that I'll go out with him in one week? And I'm already freaking out. I guess that I wasn't thinking about the whole situation until now, and I feel that maybe I won't be interesting enough in order for him to like me, and I'm also afraid that the whole situation would be really awkward... I'll try my best, though.

 

[kelden]

Of course. It was funny, because my date was also a very anxious person and usually began to sing in low volume to calm her anxiety issues, I, in the other hand, attempted to start an interesting conversation while avoiding to look directly to her eyes in a subtlety manner. Eventually It workout well, even despite the date ending up less than stellar.

 

[Danidavidson]

Yes, I was the same way. I don't like to put myself out there because I didn't want to end up feeling stupid or overthinking what I had said. It was honestly the worst. Thankfully I don't have to worry about that anymore, but sometimes it still crosses my mind.

 

[John Snort]

If you feel nervous around someone you are attracted to then it's probably an indication that you are afraid of looking bad in their eyes. You don't want to screw up and lose that person forever hence that nervousness. The way to get around this is by trying to be friends with the person you are attracted to first. Once you no longer are nervous when you are around them, you could ask them out for a date.

 

[oportosanto]

Actually that happened to me, but just in the first contact. I had a hard time breaking the ice, starting the conversation. Once the ice was broken it was natural to me to see if that person was the right match for me or not, if things were natural it was obvious that we might have a future.

 

[amy88]

I think that's one of the hardest things with social anxiety - anyone you date has to be pretty understanding. Funnily enough my husband and I met through the wonder of the Internet and I guess that allowed him to get to know the real me before we met in person. It wasn't anxiety provoking because I felt like I already knew him by the time we did meet.

 

[rootle]

The fact that you've gone on dates itself says that the problem is not too bad. It's cool that you met your spouse online amy88, I sometimes wonder if that could happen to me. Which website did you meet on? If I were to be dating someone online and then later meet them in real life, I'd imagine I'd be more anxious than usual actually.

 

[sidney]

Oh I have only experienced it with just one person, the one that I had the hugest crush on. I can never get my self to talk to that person, whether personally or on the phone, and I remember asking my friend to call that person up for me on my behalf since I really can't do it to save my life! So I think if the infatuation is very huge, then anxiety is likely to kick in. With maturity, I think that stage where you are too shy to do anything will eventually fade. Or it will fade when you're no longer attracted to the person any longer.

 

[pwarbi]

Dealing with anxiety on just general day to day issues can be hard work, so if you do meet a person that you're attracted to then that anxiousness is certain to grow. Even for people who don't suffer from anxiety will find it hard to talk to members of the opposite sex, and that increases if they are attracted to them as well. I've been lucky and I've never really had any issues with speaking to members of the opposite sex, but when it comes to a person that you find attractive then you're obviously not going to want to make a fool of yourself and that's why a lot of people won't actually get round to asking that person out.

 

[joshposh]

I was like that when I was younger. Especially in my teenage years. That's natural to be that way at an early age. We got knots and butterflies in our stomach. It does get better with time as you start accepting who you are and what you bring to the table. After awhile, you get use to talking to a crush and you stop thinking about trying to impress them. I find you will get their attention if you act normal and not throw it all out there like a hail mary.

 

[rz3300]

Well dating is hard enough on its own, let alone having to do it while dealing with social anxiety issues. I consider myself somewhat lucky, though, to have never really gone through the dating scene as some people do, because I just know that it would not go well for me. I am a nervous wreck around females that I do not know, especially if I am trying to impress them. It would be nice to meet someone that has a lot of the same issues, though, and perhaps that possibility is what keeps people at it.

 

[justsayyes]

I totally understand what you mean. I really have no problem talking with someone i'm not attracted to, not deep conversations though, just talking about superficial things. I have a problem partaking in deep conversations in general, to anyone, but it's even worse when I'm talking to someone i'm attracted to, especially if we're just in the 'getting to know each other' phase in the relationship, but i do try to be open if I'm serious with the guy.

 

[oportosanto]

Yeah, that's the thing. If there is no attraction, there is no anxiety and we just talk naturally. If on the other hand we feel attraction for the person, we might get nervous and our game gets all messed up. On our behalf there is the factor that love generates love, so our interest can be reciprocal at some point.

 

[Deeishere111]

I haven't dated on a really long time, and actually there's this guy that I like and I invited him to go out because I kind of like him and I think that it would be interesting to talk to him, and I think that I'll go out with him in one week? And I'm already freaking out. I guess that I wasn't thinking about the whole situation until now, and I feel that maybe I won't be interesting enough in order for him to like me, and I'm also afraid that the whole situation would be really awkward... I'll try my best, though.

I think in that case I would look for clues to see if the guy is giving me any indication that he likes me. For the most part, guys who were interested would approach me. I have a friend who met this guy at the gym. He was friendly enough to her and when she would run he may be running at the same time and would smile at her. I still didn't think that was enough to indicate interest. I was thinking he was just being friendly. Well, she made up her mind that she was going to tell him how she felt. I was against it but she did anyway. Well, he was not interested.

 

[Deeishere111]

If you feel nervous around someone you are attracted to then it's probably an indication that you are afraid of looking bad in their eyes. You don't want to screw up and lose that person forever hence that nervousness. The way to get around this is by trying to be friends with the person you are attracted to first. Once you no longer are nervous when you are around them, you could ask them out for a date.

That is a good suggestion. I wish I knew that back then. The guy that I was nervous around ended up becoming a famous recording artist. LOL. Oh well. He did get married and divorced so for that I am glad I didn't marry him. I am happily married now with my own family.