Anxiety at the checkout and in queues

[smith]

Hi
Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome anxiety at the checkout in shops and at the counter at the bank, post office and other such places? I have realised that this is the main reason why I hate going out so much. I find it bad enough walking around the store as I feel as though everyone is staring at me but I can deal with that by going over my shopping list in my head or browsing all the items for sale. I feel like this might be because in the past, strangers have made comments to me in public about how stressed out I look or jokes about how I need to cheer up and it's made me really sad despite knowing that they probably didn't mean any harm.

Now I'm very worried that people will make those sorts of comments again. So I try to focus the whole time I'm out on looking less stressed, but I never know where to glance or what to do, especially when I'm waiting in a queue at the checkout or standing at a counter facing the clerk. I'm sure I didn't have this problem years ago but I just don't remember how that was now. I don't want to stare at the assistant behind the counter and watch what they're doing because I feel like that would be rude but I don't want to spend the whole time staring at and fiddling with my hands either because they'd probably think I was really creepy. I used to go on my phone and focus on that while I was waiting at the queue or waiting for them to do whatever it is they're doing at the counter, but I've started to worry that someone will grab my phone and run because such crime has recently become a problem where I live and besides I feel like I probably seemed rude doing that anyway.

When the clerk is friendly I do try to engage in conversation with them, but I find where I live that most clerks aren't that chatty, and when I do chat to the clerk I get so distracted that I can barely focus on what I'm supposed to be doing and mess up whatever it is because I'm so focused on the conversation with the clerk. I like to order groceries online to avoid this issue but there are so many other places than the supermarket which I need to go to and so I could never entirely avoid these sorts of situations.

The next time I go out, I shall try listening to music or maybe an audiobook as I've heard that helps and would be a good disctractor, but I'm not sure I could wear earphones at the checkout while talking to someone without attracting attention or being judged. I just really wish I could wear a baseball cap and sunglasses which I could hide behind but those accessories would look totally out of place where I live and would only draw more attention to me.

 

[brtmdo]

Hi
Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome anxiety at the checkout in shops and at the counter at the bank, post office and other such places? I have realised that this is the main reason why I hate going out so much. I find it bad enough walking around the store as I feel as though everyone is staring at me but I can deal with that by going over my shopping list in my head or browsing all the items for sale. I feel like this might be because in the past, strangers have made comments to me in public about how stressed out I look or jokes about how I need to cheer up and it's made me really sad despite knowing that they probably didn't mean any harm.

Now I'm very worried that people will make those sorts of comments again. So I try to focus the whole time I'm out on looking less stressed, but I never know where to glance or what to do, especially when I'm waiting in a queue at the checkout or standing at a counter facing the clerk. I'm sure I didn't have this problem years ago but I just don't remember how that was now. I don't want to stare at the assistant behind the counter and watch what they're doing because I feel like that would be rude but I don't want to spend the whole time staring at and fiddling with my hands either because they'd probably think I was really creepy. I used to go on my phone and focus on that while I was waiting at the queue or waiting for them to do whatever it is they're doing at the counter, but I've started to worry that someone will grab my phone and run because such crime has recently become a problem where I live and besides I feel like I probably seemed rude doing that anyway.

When the clerk is friendly I do try to engage in conversation with them, but I find where I live that most clerks aren't that chatty, and when I do chat to the clerk I get so distracted that I can barely focus on what I'm supposed to be doing and mess up whatever it is because I'm so focused on the conversation with the clerk. I like to order groceries online to avoid this issue but there are so many other places than the supermarket which I need to go to and so I could never entirely avoid these sorts of situations.

The next time I go out, I shall try listening to music or maybe an audiobook as I've heard that helps and would be a good disctractor, but I'm not sure I could wear earphones at the checkout while talking to someone without attracting attention or being judged. I just really wish I could wear a baseball cap and sunglasses which I could hide behind but those accessories would look totally out of place where I live and would only draw more attention to me.

hmmm. like most anxiety issues there's an obvious gap between what's going on in your head and the reality of the situation. most people in stores and lines and everywhere else are too wrapped up in their own lives to even notice or care about you.next time, try some positive self talk repeating that kind of message to yourself until you feel calmer.

 

[Kaynil]

It is that we tend to cling to bad experiences so much it negates all the good ones. For the few times we had someone comment we had plenty of uneventful ones but we only keep thinking on the rare occassions and still convince ourselves it is way more common than it really is. So it mught help trying to put your experiences in perspective and see most likely it will be fine today.

It can help to try to also think in ways to respond if they do happen. Depending on your personality maybe you could answer with humour. Maybe there are some responses you can craft to pass the ball to them. Like counter questions.

If you have an idea on how to react it might help you ease a bit that fear.

If you don't know what to do, you can try observing what other people do and mimic until you find a behaviour you can relate to.

If you resort to using earphones while waiting, just keep them at a low enough volume to still be able to hear what's going on. Put some music that is easy to ease into. As soon as it is your turn though, take them out. I tend to fold mine into the ring of the neck in my clothes. I like earphones with volume control so I can quickly pause or mute them but it is still better you take at the very least one to not be rude.

I hope any of that helps.

 

[smith]

Thank you brtmdo, that's a good idea - I shall try repeating a mantra to distract myself.
Kaynil, those are also some great ideas, thanks a lot. I think you're definitely right about me focusing on the silly comments people have made while I've been out and about and also at work which is probably why it's always at the front of my mind that people might be judging the way I come across. I'll try these techniques tomorrow.

 

[Kaynil]

That's great, Smith. Best if luck with it.
And no worries, that's what anxiety is good for, wrapping our minds so our fears are way bigger than reality. I had to deal with worrying too much on the possibility of cobfrontations as I am terrible at them and I just don't want to give people a reason.

Let us know how it goes!