Anxiety and Depression are Kicking My Butt!

[AbejaReina]

Hello everyone. I am new here. Used to be a member of a few forums but it's been a while. I used to work on forums actually. It was fun. But anyway...

I have bipolar disorder and my anxiety and depression have been really kicking my butt lately. I have a really hard time getting out of bed each day and everything (eating, showering, cleaning, socializing) just feels so difficult. I experience a lot of fear about leaving the house and am irritable much of the time. I try to fight it but man it's just so strong.

I have a doc appointment on Monday because I've been feeling just suicidal and having a hard time managing making it through each day. I also see my regular doctor and my counselor on the 30th.

I just got back from a 3 week visit with my boyfriend and I think adjusting to being home is adding to things a bit. I live with my mom and have for a few months now and she's a very high stress person and very loud and it's so hard to deal with on top of what I'm going through. I'm trying to come up with ways to handle her constant complaining and needs. I don't have my own space so I'm either hanging out in her room or the living room. I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining. I am thankful to have a place to live and love my family.

It's just been rough and I wish it could be just a little bit easier because I feel like I sound like a whiner and it all just feels so dramatic.

Thanks for listening. If you have any tips lemme know please and thank you. I am on meds btw. May need an adjustment though because things feel out of control.

 

[Rinka]

Hi and welcome.
Don’t worry about complaining or “whining” everybody needs that and it’s healthy . You said you love with your mom at the moment? Is there anyway you could live by yourself, rent a room or for or even move in with your boyfriend? I know from experience that living too long with parents can be hard and depressing. The thing is you will never be a grown up in their eyes and they will treat you that way. That’s why it would be good if you could find a way to move out. You will feel better about yourself as soon as you’ve done it!

 

[AbejaReina]

I'm thinking I'm going to talk to my doctor and counselor about some sort of mental health housing. I knew someone who was in a living facility like. I really need something that doesn't cost much because I am not able to work. It's not that I don't want to but I have such a hard time being consistently stable and I have been fired from my last 3 jobs. I am a very hard worker but when my fear hits I just either have to go home early or can't make it to work at all. It's tough because I would love to have something to do. Right now it just feels like I have nothing going for me and I"m just sitting here everyday trying to stay out of bed.

Thanks for listening

 

[Rinka]

That might be a good idea, so you get the support for your mental health, and you live independently away from your family, so that you can concentrate on your own life.

Do you know if you would be entitled to any kind of benefits in your county?

 

[AbejaReina]

I'm not sure but I found a place about an hour away that I'm going to call and see what kind of options they are. I'm a little concerned about it only being for a period of time. I really would like to find something permanent. I've moved so much and it just makes my head spin.

 

[Rinka]

Where you able to get some information in regards to the supported housing? I think a stable environment might be the best for you to work on yourself.

 

[AbejaReina]

I haven't called yet but I plan to in the next few days. I'm nervous. Good news though, I had a med increase yesterday and I already feel better. Not sure if it's in my head but I was able to make myself food and shower yesterday without it feeling like a chore and I also got up this morning without the feeling of dread. I think getting support online is helping as well