Hi all,
I have a long saga, and I'm not sure how many will be interested to read all of it, but it may be good for me to write it down anyways. It's hard to say exactly when my anxiety in general started, but I know when it got worse. In May 2010 my mother died suddenly from leukemia caused by chemotherapy for breast cancer. It was unexpected and I took it really hard. In the months after I had an anxious breakdown, convinced I had leukemia and I was also dying. Looking back it was not rational, but anxiety often isn't. In the months that followed I calmed down some but never really had peace. I started taking celexa and xanax. The celexa did not help much but the xanax did help for the effect of it's duration. In the years that followed, I had every health anxietyyou could think of, including many cancers, neurological disorders (ALS and MS included).
I started developing muscle twitches, and a tightness and sometimes mild pain on the leftside of my body. I could feel it in my arm/shoulder, and my left leg. I had muscle twitching also, but that was literally everywhere on my body. I believe this was around 2011. It came and went some, but in 2012 I went to a neurologist about it and told him everything and we did an MRI. The diagnosis, nothing. He said there was no sign of anything and it was a really clean looking brain.
After that, I had a series of personal difficulties including getting divorced, remarried, and I've since had another child (I already had 2). Throughout the years I've taken xanax for general anxiety, sometimes taking it for a couple weeks at a time, or longer.
In the past week, I've had some stress and started feeling back pain. Sometimes when I'm getting a cold I'll feel something tingling in my back. I kind of had some worry about this, so of course I took xanax. Over the next couple days I thought it was subsiding kind of, but couldn't stop obsessing about it. Then, I started feeling what I hadn't felt in many years in my left side in both my arm and leg, cramping and tightness. And a mild exhaustion of sorts. The feeling is hard to describe. I also feel it on my left cheek. Convinced these are hallmark signs of MS, I started googling again, and I've been crippled all day. I'm uncontrollably panicking and resorting to this forum to chat. Maybe I do have MS? I'm planning on seeing a doctor this week. I don't know how to face the new reality that I may have this disease, especially since the symptoms have returned after so long, and they are on one side of the body, and it says online that not all MS scans show lesions.
I honestly don't know what kind of help I'm looking for, but I need to write this and have other people hear me out. I'm already worried how this new round of anxiety and potential neurological illness will affect my new wife and family I'm trying to start, and I'm having a really really hard time.
I have a long saga, and I'm not sure how many will be interested to read all of it, but it may be good for me to write it down anyways. It's hard to say exactly when my anxiety in general started, but I know when it got worse. In May 2010 my mother died suddenly from leukemia caused by chemotherapy for breast cancer. It was unexpected and I took it really hard. In the months after I had an anxious breakdown, convinced I had leukemia and I was also dying. Looking back it was not rational, but anxiety often isn't. In the months that followed I calmed down some but never really had peace. I started taking celexa and xanax. The celexa did not help much but the xanax did help for the effect of it's duration. In the years that followed, I had every health anxietyyou could think of, including many cancers, neurological disorders (ALS and MS included).
I started developing muscle twitches, and a tightness and sometimes mild pain on the leftside of my body. I could feel it in my arm/shoulder, and my left leg. I had muscle twitching also, but that was literally everywhere on my body. I believe this was around 2011. It came and went some, but in 2012 I went to a neurologist about it and told him everything and we did an MRI. The diagnosis, nothing. He said there was no sign of anything and it was a really clean looking brain.
After that, I had a series of personal difficulties including getting divorced, remarried, and I've since had another child (I already had 2). Throughout the years I've taken xanax for general anxiety, sometimes taking it for a couple weeks at a time, or longer.
In the past week, I've had some stress and started feeling back pain. Sometimes when I'm getting a cold I'll feel something tingling in my back. I kind of had some worry about this, so of course I took xanax. Over the next couple days I thought it was subsiding kind of, but couldn't stop obsessing about it. Then, I started feeling what I hadn't felt in many years in my left side in both my arm and leg, cramping and tightness. And a mild exhaustion of sorts. The feeling is hard to describe. I also feel it on my left cheek. Convinced these are hallmark signs of MS, I started googling again, and I've been crippled all day. I'm uncontrollably panicking and resorting to this forum to chat. Maybe I do have MS? I'm planning on seeing a doctor this week. I don't know how to face the new reality that I may have this disease, especially since the symptoms have returned after so long, and they are on one side of the body, and it says online that not all MS scans show lesions.
I honestly don't know what kind of help I'm looking for, but I need to write this and have other people hear me out. I'm already worried how this new round of anxiety and potential neurological illness will affect my new wife and family I'm trying to start, and I'm having a really really hard time.
