Anxiety about Change

[lilmisswordnerd]

Hi. I just joined about 5 minutes ago, so here goes.

I'm currently job-hunting, and the anxiety about it is killing me. I have a fairly good, if way underpaid job in a small city government, and while I somewhat enjoy the work, I feel like I've grown past it.

At the same time, the low pay has contributed to my still staying with my family (along with helping my mom with her health problems, but I digress). I'm in my late 20's, and while part of me is ready to get out and go, a large part of me is incredibly anxious about not only the idea of changing jobs, but also moving away. I currently commute to another city for work (about an hour's drive), and the area I'd be moving to for a better job would be 1 1/2 hour away from my family. Even the thought of not seeing my dogs every day is making me anxious.

Recently, I had a job interview for a job I was very qualified for, but the thought of doing that job everyday just made me want to throw up. I would not have enjoyed it, so I emailed the HR director and explained that it was best I remove myself from the running. Although now, part of me feels incredibly stupid to have turned down a near-sure-thing that would have paid at least marginally better than I currently get paid, even if it would have included moving for a still-underpaid job and doing work I would have ended up hating. Sorry, this is a bit rambling, but I'm a little overwhelmed. I'm highly educated and I'm intelligent. I've never failed or done badly at any job I've had. I just have massive anxiety and a huge imposter's syndrome. Every posting I look at or apply to seems like it's beyond me, even though I know logically that it's not. Anyone else out there feel like an imposter when looking for jobs or become practically petrified at the idea of actually getting that phone call? If I get a call, that means I have to interview, which means they might call and offer it to me, which means I have to do the salary-haggle-dance, which means I have to make a decision, which means I might have to find a new apartment, which means....which means....change. I've nested myself into my current job to the point where I'm not challenged, but I'm comfortable. I'm safe. I feel like that sounds incredibly stupid, but there it is. Hell, you'd think with a Master's in English, I'd be able to get my thoughts out a little better, but I'm tired, and I'm anxious, and I'm babbling. I guess i just wanted to reach out and see if anyone else feels the same way. Fed up with the status quo, but anxious and terrified of changing it.

 

[JohnnyD]

Wow! This was me to a "T" several years ago. I was not happy with how my life was going, I knew I was meant for something better or with more meaning. I had a college degree but working a job that didn't require one. I was too afraid to change though. I applied for jobs and interviewed for several but I always ended up sabotaging myself. I would either not accept the offer because I came up with every reason it was a bad idea or I would be "overly" honest during the interview. I would not sell my best self on purpose.

Eventually, I had to get to the point where I was happy with myself as is. I was always looking for something better and it was causing me to not be happy with my "current" self. It was not until I was happy with my "current" self that I was able to realize that there was room for me to grow at my current job if I took the initiative. I did not see the positives or opportunities because I was too busy being down on myself.

I realize this may not be the case for everyone as some jobs just don't have growth opportunities. However, even if that was the case I needed to be happy with where I. If I wanted more I needed to take baby steps towards it. I needed to realize there was no "perfect" job that hit every thing on the list. I also needed to realize that it was OK to make mistakes as long as you were learning from them and continued to move forward.

I'm sorry I feel I'm kind of rambling too but I don't know that there is any "magic" answer to this. I hope it helps to know that you are not alone and it's possible to make it past this situation starting with a change of mindset.

Good Luck!

 

[lilmisswordnerd]

Oh I absolutely understand. My problem isn’t being happy where I am, it’s more about anxiety about leaving. There is no chance for growth at my current job, and I’ve definitely outgrown the work. I just hate feeling anxious about the idea of the change, itself. Once I make a decision, the follow-through is easy. It’s everything leading up to it that makes me feel sick. I’m the kind of person that feels homesick for the half-hour before I leave, and then I’m fine the minute I close the front door. I’m not sure if that makes any sense, but it’s the waiting and indecision that gets me.

 

[JohnnyD]

I see what you are saying. Sounds like the more research you have done the more comfortable you feel?

Maybe you could make some decisions that you do have control over first. Do you know the area where you want to work/live? If so you could scope it out first: pick out an apartment, learn where to get groceries, where to shop, etc... Then after that focus on finding the job...

Do you have an friends or previous classmates that live/work in the area you want to live? Maybe you could apply to a company where you already know someone. Then they could help fill you in on some of the "insider" questions that you might have.

Or a trick that I use when I start thinking to far ahead is to remind myself I need to focus on the now. I know that may sound silly but if I don't make a conscious effort to remind myself of this, my mind just takes over. By staying in the moment I don't worry as much about things I can't control. I know this is sometimes easier said than done but it's something I have worked on over the years.

I'm sorry if this isn't helpful... I'm just trying to think of things that have helped me with similar situations.

 

[janemariesayed]

Hi. I just joined about 5 minutes ago, so here goes.

I'm currently job-hunting, and the anxiety about it is killing me. I have a fairly good, if way underpaid job in a small city government, and while I somewhat enjoy the work, I feel like I've grown past it.

At the same time, the low pay has contributed to my still staying with my family (along with helping my mom with her health problems, but I digress). I'm in my late 20's, and while part of me is ready to get out and go, a large part of me is incredibly anxious about not only the idea of changing jobs, but also moving away. I currently commute to another city for work (about an hour's drive), and the area I'd be moving to for a better job would be 1 1/2 hour away from my family. Even the thought of not seeing my dogs every day is making me anxious.

Recently, I had a job interview for a job I was very qualified for, but the thought of doing that job everyday just made me want to throw up. I would not have enjoyed it, so I emailed the HR director and explained that it was best I remove myself from the running. Although now, part of me feels incredibly stupid to have turned down a near-sure-thing that would have paid at least marginally better than I currently get paid, even if it would have included moving for a still-underpaid job and doing work I would have ended up hating. Sorry, this is a bit rambling, but I'm a little overwhelmed. I'm highly educated and I'm intelligent. I've never failed or done badly at any job I've had. I just have massive anxiety and a huge imposter's syndrome. Every posting I look at or apply to seems like it's beyond me, even though I know logically that it's not. Anyone else out there feel like an imposter when looking for jobs or become practically petrified at the idea of actually getting that phone call? If I get a call, that means I have to interview, which means they might call and offer it to me, which means I have to do the salary-haggle-dance, which means I have to make a decision, which means I might have to find a new apartment, which means....which means....change. I've nested myself into my current job to the point where I'm not challenged, but I'm comfortable. I'm safe. I feel like that sounds incredibly stupid, but there it is. Hell, you'd think with a Master's in English, I'd be able to get my thoughts out a little better, but I'm tired, and I'm anxious, and I'm babbling. I guess i just wanted to reach out and see if anyone else feels the same way. Fed up with the status quo, but anxious and terrified of changing it.

It seems like you are afraid of change and change can cause anxieties. It can make us agoraphobic too and depressed. If you changed your mind about that job now you would look silly. Why not put your expertise into a job that is more challenging and diverse. One that you would not get bored with.

I'm sorry about your dogs. Forgive me but, I brought my two back with me from Egypt to the UK. I rented a house and said to my landlord that I would only move in if I could have them beside me. And that when they passed over, that I would get another dog as well. They had to agree for me to move in.

Take your dogs with you. They are your family. Arrangements can be made to take them, even if you think it impossible. You will need them and they will help you through the change.

 

[lilmisswordnerd]

I see what you are saying. Sounds like the more research you have done the more comfortable you feel?

Maybe you could make some decisions that you do have control over first. Do you know the area where you want to work/live? If so you could scope it out first: pick out an apartment, learn where to get groceries, where to shop, etc... Then after that focus on finding the job...

Do you have an friends or previous classmates that live/work in the area you want to live? Maybe you could apply to a company where you already know someone. Then they could help fill you in on some of the "insider" questions that you might have.

Or a trick that I use when I start thinking to far ahead is to remind myself I need to focus on the now. I know that may sound silly but if I don't make a conscious effort to remind myself of this, my mind just takes over. By staying in the moment I don't worry as much about things I can't control. I know this is sometimes easier said than done but it's something I have worked on over the years.

I'm sorry if this isn't helpful... I'm just trying to think of things that have helped me with similar situations.

It appears great minds think alike! I actually already found an apartment complex I like (as well as one or two backups), and I know the area as it's only 1.5 hours away. I actually spend a good bit of time there. My friends in the area are in vastly different industries than I'm in so, unfortunately, that's not an option. It's a good idea, though! Thanks for the insight. Just knowing I'm not the only one who's gone through this is immensely helpful. I've always known it on a logical level, but that's not quite the same as being able to discuss it with someone in the same boat, you know?

 

[lilmisswordnerd]

It seems like you are afraid of change and change can cause anxieties. It can make us agoraphobic too and depressed. If you changed your mind about that job now you would look silly. Why not put your expertise into a job that is more challenging and diverse. One that you would not get bored with.

I'm sorry about your dogs. Forgive me but, I brought my two back with me from Egypt to the UK. I rented a house and said to my landlord that I would only move in if I could have them beside me. And that when they passed over, that I would get another dog as well. They had to agree for me to move in.

Take your dogs with you. They are your family. Arrangements can be made to take them, even if you think it impossible. You will need them and they will help you through the change.

Unfortunately, I can't take my dogs with me, as they really need to stay with my family. Trust me, I'd get chased down the road if I even thought of taking them with me. lol I'll probably end up getting a new fur-baby eventually once I move. Our family can never have too many 4-legged family members!

 

[JohnnyD]

It appears great minds think alike! I actually already found an apartment complex I like (as well as one or two backups), and I know the area as it's only 1.5 hours away. I actually spend a good bit of time there. My friends in the area are in vastly different industries than I'm in so, unfortunately, that's not an option. It's a good idea, though! Thanks for the insight. Just knowing I'm not the only one who's gone through this is immensely helpful. I've always known it on a logical level, but that's not quite the same as being able to discuss it with someone in the same boat, you know?

Oh I know exactly what you mean. I have a lot of friends & family who are very supportive but it's still difficult to explain/describe things that they don't experience first hand.

Just let me know need/want to talk about anything... Even if I can't help, I can always just listen

 

[janemariesayed]

Unfortunately, I can't take my dogs with me, as they really need to stay with my family. Trust me, I'd get chased down the road if I even thought of taking them with me. lol I'll probably end up getting a new fur-baby eventually once I move. Our family can never have too many 4-legged family members!

If they are used to living with all your family then in their minds they are staying at home. They will be overjoyed though when you visit. So what little furry babe are you thinking of getting when you are settled? Don't forget to tell your new landlord that you will have one, so then you won't have to move again.

 

[lilmisswordnerd]

That's the problem. lol I want all the furbabies! I'm a dog/cat person, but a cat would definitely be easier to have in an apartment...Although, I've always wanted a corgi named Curtis.