Anger problems

[XmasCarol52]

Thank God I have been able to control my anger lately for instance last night someone fire alarm went off but it sounded like it was coming from inside my apt.Anyway it lasted about ten minutes,it turned out the woman next door tripped the switch.and to my surprise I did not get angry I just picked up the phone and called our handy man.Don't think he likes it to much but he works for the land lady soon to become a relative yes even the handy man is a relative.I am so proud of myself for not yelling,I dont know if it is the new meds but i like it not yelling and pounding on my desk.Actually before I got my pills I was starting to feel better.I think it can also be that awful word menopause.Cause sometimes i get the smp toms of my friend,if u know my drift.I hope this continues sure I still get nervous,and anxious but i had no desire to yell.

 

[Concernedgal]

Good for you. I it could be your menopause for sure. I know I get much more irritable before my monthly visitor. Lol

 

[XmasCarol52]

I havent had one of those in over 20 years but I still can get cramps and moody that is what my doctor told me she said even though u dont have you friend anymore u can still get the symptoms ,I am not feeling well today at all didnt sleep all night i feel sick to my stomach so i am just munching on bread and crackers but after I eat i feel like I want to puke lol,I am going to rest I need to look good for myself lol, hope u r okay

 

[janemariesayed]

Give yourself a pat on the back @XmasCarol52 you see you can be relaxed and you cannot be the pain you think you are. You're not a violent person, sometimes you just lose it a little and shout a bit. But you have proved to yourself now that it's not all the time. You say that you don't know how to control it. I think that firstly, you need to accept it. Accept that it is part of your illness. You are not a bad person, and when things around you are calm you seem to be a little better. That is fair enough really, anyone would be aggravated and get annoyed if they were living beside your landlady! I give you a hug back because you've done really well these past two weeks!

 

[XmasCarol52]

Thank you it isnt easy but I am trying.Can you believe that bitch raised my rent 64 dollars she says I don't have any outside expenses oj no try cable phone a couple of doctor bills but cable and phone don't count ,raise the rent and for what,I can manage but it is a pain in the arse.Then I have to deal with m y mothers stupid comments everyday she keeps trying to throw curtains at me I dont want she has this awful habit of saying you go and do what u want guess what when i said no she said that also told me if you dont want your apartment to look nice then u do what u want ,want my apt to look nice i was about ready to slam the phone down n her face but unlike her i wont stoop to her level. Saying something stupid like that,made me mad my apt looks nice it doesnt need curtains to look that way. What a stupid ass thing to say.However I didnt get mad i would nt give her the satisfaction of hearing me get mad

 

[janemariesayed]

It seems that your Mum is trying to help but she is going about it the wrong way. She isn't taking into consideration how you feel about your home. It is your home, not hers, and it is you that has to live with any curtains or blinds that get put up. You are a grown woman as well and it seems as if she is a bit controlling. She was also rude to say that you don't want your home to look nice, just because you don't like the curtains she is trying to put on you. If she starts going on at you on the phone, tell her you have to hang up and sorry and then do hang up. Don't let her stress you.

 

[XmasCarol52]

Boy do you ever know my mom,she says you do what you want whenever she doesn't get her way or if you don't want to do what she wants,also she is driving not only me but my kids but me to every single day all I ever hear I want god to take me then she asks me why he isnt taking her i just told her he isnt ready for her,every single day not just once either i told her in a polite way do you know how many times you had said it even my son is getting fed up,when he dropped me off at my doctors last week he had to stop by her house one of the first thing she said to him I am ready to to and i want god to take me,I feel bad she is alone so am i, I know it is hard for her but her saying this crap all of the time is making us mad.I lost my husband to,i know she is 90 but i get so sick of hearing i dont want to live anymore and a couple of times she even scared me when she said there are ways she could do it,suicide .She shouldnt be laying this kind of stuff on me because it stressed me out ,a couple of years ago she had asked me how long i have had this illness for when i said a long time her stupid response it i think you should get over it because i have had it for a long time a mental illness you cannot get over it,she says some of the stupidest things like she thinks my illness is catchy therefore she won't read anything about it,then when i try to say I am having anxieties she will say that is foolish,i dont think it is foolish at all she tries to run my sons life to,but he wont let her and i have told her off numerous times and when that happens i will not call her back i wait for her to call one time it was over a week before she called sometimes she will just hang the phone up on me,yes she is very controlling ,it is either do what i say or she will make you feel bad or lay a guilt trip on u,what do i have to feel guilty about.

 

[Concernedgal]

That's bull crap ! If anything you got your mental illness from her. It sure sounds like it. Sounds like she's worst though. Suicide is not funny and you shouldn't talk about it for attention or for someone to feel sorry for you. I hate people that talk about suicide just to talk aboutit. It sounds like your mom is talking about suicide for attention.You talk to me when your 1 step closer to slitting your wrist everytime your in the shower shaving your legs or while washing a knife when you wash dishes. You talk to me about suicide when you see a gun on the table and think just how easy it would be. The lives we lead is not an easy 1. We suffer alot. The life we k ew before is gone for good . When I have an anxiety attack I just about take the whole bottle of medication. The only thing that stands in my way from doing it is that i'm a coward. But, it still scares me how easy the thought of it comes in my head and how often. Your mother wants attention. I k w thats what it is. Yeah she lonely but, buck up! I hate to sound so sinaster but, there are alot of things you can do with your time go out make more frI ends and you won't be lonely anymore. Your are 1 of the strongest people I know. I don't see you feeling sorry for yourself and talking about suicide. This life is tuff but, we managed. So should she.

 

[XmasCarol52]

That is exactly what my friend said my mom is only doing it for attention i agree,because one time I called her she had to leave the phone for one second i could hear her moaning and making noises n the back ground,Dont' get why she has to act this way.Hey she choose not to go out then she complains that she is lonely but don't you dare say a word to her.,but this business of wanting God to take me is getting on every ones nerves and she shouldnt be saying that kind of stuff in front of my grandchildren they are only 4 and six, believe me these kids would very upset if she did something to herself.You know what I tell her when she asks me why god is not taking her because he isnt ready for her.Dont worry what u say is fine.Matter of fact it is suppose to be around 70 this weekend so I am thinking of parking my big fat arse outside and do some crocheting.lol My mom has falling twice already she went to sit down and landed on the floor but you know what her guilt trips dont work anymore because I had to live with her crap most of my life so now i just stick up for myself.She is one to talk she will yell at me because i feel anxious she said that is stupid and foolish.She just doesnt get it.I lost my husband to but i dont go and talk about killing myself even though there are days i feel like it but that is just intrusive thinking.I actually believe she says that all the time to see what our reaction will be,My kids get sick of her saying that stuff toNe time i got so mad I told her to go then meaning have god take her,I know why God doesn't want her yet he doesn't want to listen to her complaining and yelling at peopleTHe sad part is I am actually afraid of my mother..

 

[XmasCarol52]

well I had an awful surprise this morning after only getting three hours of sleep this morning i was trying to take a nap and the fire alarms went off just on our side ,the darn thing would wake the dead i didnt yell just vented a bit however I was scared and didn't know what to do so when I went outside and could see the other people then I learned it just wasnt me now here is the biggest goof of all the siruns didn't even go off until about ten minutes after the alarms went off and the y didnt show up till almost a half hour after the alarms went off,my neighbor the only one i can trust said the same thing what if someone had actually been hurt,sure land lady they are fixed alright i wish we could report her sorry arse.I have learned I can control my anger to some extent.

 

[XmasCarol52]

I really need to do this but I am not calling my mother for a couple of days now she is making me sick.I know she will try to contact my kids to see if i am alright ,but I am so sick of the put downs and everything else,I do not need this kind of crap,she loves to harp on things but when I do it she just says dont think about it. She needs to know that she cannot push me around even my kids.

 

[Concernedgal]

I spoke to my "social worker " about switching doctors. I do not feel that this doctor has my best interest at heart. All he does for me is prescribe ssri and that doesn't work for me, never has. Why won't he listen to me? I spoke with my worker about switching to this female doctor but, they told me the the doctor I have now specializes in my condition. . She doesnt. So now what? I finally found a place that provides charity treatment however there idea of treating me is not listening to me? Now what can I do? I need this place but, it doesn't sound like they care about me. Any advice guys?

 

[XmasCarol52]

HI I hear what you are saying wish i could think of something.I just do not get why these doctors won't listen mine is the same way you tell them something isnt working and they go and prescribe it for us anyway,I get so sick and tired of having to repeat my story to these so called doctors,I have no use for them and certainly don't have any faith in them either,I wonder where they got there education from.Most of them dont give a rats behind about us or mental illness it is just easier to say go and see another doctor, or dont think about it,then they wonder why we get so mad and frustrated..

 

[Concernedgal]

I think it's best I see a general practitioner. Maybe they will actually listen to me. What kills me is that these people won't even prescribe me a anti anxiety medication.

 

[XmasCarol52]

I know how u feel my primary doctor wont even refill my anti anxiety or depression pills yet i hear from some people they get there's from a regular doctor.To be honest I don't think any of these doctors have a clue to what anxieties are,I mean mind wants me to go and see another doctor about my restless leg,duh i cannot afford another doctor Also makes me mad they know i have agoraphobia and yet they think i should just get into a car and drive to another doctor or something,It is like it goes through one ear out the other,oh my primary doctor says she understands when i cannot come in then why cant i get my meds,blah blah blah it is the same old crap after a certain amount of time u have to see the doctor or you wont get nothing,What brilliant person came up with that idea??? Probably someone who never has been sick a day n there life.Now the president wants to cut off mental health.He is jerk anyway.

 

[XmasCarol52]

This may sound mean but I am not talking to my mother she keeps calling me and i refuse to answer the phone,why because I am sick and tired of her insults and wishing God would take me crap.I am 64 and i do not need to be treated like a two year old ,I certainly do not need to talk to her everyday I do not need to report to my mommy.If she would show some interest and what I go through everyday and try to understand how i feel it would be different,but I don't need stupid cracks like if you don't want to make your house look nice she has never seen my apt then starts harping in about my hair,she asked me if i wash my hair and if I use shampoo. I don't think i need her to be telling me how to wash my hair or if I wash it,She can call all she wants but I am sick of it ,i already left word with my two kids that i am okay and if she should call them tell her to mind her own business,she has to stick her nose into everything i do or do not do.I am so tired of being treated like a child even my son says she babies me and she still thinks I am two,This woman is so dominating and controlling if you do not do what she wants she will get mad.I need a rest because the more I do talk to her the more upset and nervous I get.. sorry so long but I needed to vent

 

[XmasCarol52]

speaking of my mom you should hear what she has to say about mental illness,they are not right,not right what the heck is that suppose to mean?She thinks just because someone has a mental illness they are not all there and slow,yes she called me again and i still wont answer the phone,she will call trying to make it sound like she is desperate but I know better.Why should i have to put up with her crap??? It is because of her I got this mental illness.. anyway

 

[janemariesayed]

I think the best thing to do here is to ignore her jibes as best as you can. Forgive her for her age and the position as your Mum. Try to tell yourself when she is behaving this way, that she isn't in her right mind either. The fact that she says your anxieties are foolish is very selfish of her, considering that she is depressed and suicidal. You would have thought she would be more understanding of your dilemmas. there you go, though, she isn't and you just have to get on with it. The problem is how do you get on with it when it tears you apart inside. I would suggest, even though it is very difficult, to turn a deaf ear to the things she says. It is cruel and selfish to put her feelings on to you, and totally unfair as you are already suffering. You know in your heart that you haven't done anything wrong and that you don't deserve to be treated like that from her, so do your best to keep your chin up and not let her get to you.

 

[XmasCarol52]

Well she called me this morning with fake crock tears,then she is saying she couldn't sleep last night was up at 3 and was worried about me ,see trying to get attention and not on ly that trying to lay a guilt trip on me,I did talk to her but onl y because if i hadnt she would have been calling me all day i just told her i wasnt feeling to well she expects me to call her every single day,that is bs ,you know my son got a camper and he wont tell her about it because whenever they are on there boat she calls them there ,I know she worries but for crying out loud she thinks my son doesnt have enough brains to get out of his own way hey i worry to if i call my son twice and he didnt answer the phone i would just expect that he was doing something,not continue to bother him,I keep telling her if something happen she would be the first to know about she says how can see know it i blacked out or fallen,I thought i worried but she goes beyond rediculuis like this weekend my son went away because my daughter in laws mom gave them like a place to go she is having a fit,she even told me she wish the mom would just let the kids do what they want oh really,this is my mom though she has a major cow over this i told her i see nothing wrong with the grandmother doing something nice for them,but no she has to go and complain about it.like my friend told me she need to stop minding my business ,then she claims she never says anything ya sure she doesnt. She always tell me to keep my mouth shut,I dont gossip because u just get into to much trouble that way.To her i am not even suppose to vent but she does it all the time. NOw she wants me to call her every day so she wont worry,good god i told u if i called she would pull something and she was crying,a fake one at that too

 

[XmasCarol52]

I am fuming I do a survey you are suppose to get adds so you can collect points i know they do it randomly but after 30 games and no ads i am pi--ed off i emailed them three times already now are you suppose to get anywhere when there stupd idiotic sight dont work yes i am angry and i blew up to so what if my window was open like i said it is noe of anyones business what i do in my own apt.we have such busy bodies around here they have to know everything and they also have t go and complain about everything too,I lost it today,if something isnt working and it should b eyou would be angry too,i have had it already.and here is my mother talking about wanting to die again then she wonders why i wont call her everyday i even mention do u realize how many times you have said that,i am so sick and tired of hearing it,when she starts that crap i just take the phone away from my ear and wave it around,she needs to stop this crap but when i want to vent she doest want to hear about it and she is always right too ya sure she is when donkeys fly