AM I A GROOMER

Cuchculan · Feb 27, 2021

We talking video chats and pictures exchanged? Or just chat rooms? I doubt there was any harm done at all. On the net it is easy to fall for the idea of people. I mean that in a way that we don't really know them. Never will. Might like their avatar even. They might be funny. Have seen it happen many times over the years. Nothing wrong with chatting with a person. You thought you were too old for her and you ended it. No harm done. Put it behind you now. It is over and done with. A groomer would go after kids on a regular basis. I am sure you would not do that. They would want images of a sexual nature and the likes. Again I doubt you are like that.

Pandanae · Mar 16, 2021

You guys are only a few years apart. Me and my boyfriend are 4 years apart and we've been together for 9 years. It's not a huge deal to be honest if you guys really like each other. Just don't push eachother into uncomfortable things before you BOTH arr ready..also nothing wrong with the both of you just enjoying eachothers company and waiting to do "grown-up" Stuff until later if that makes sense.

Aries · Mar 19, 2021

I think the sex rules are more harsh in the US. I fear that it's causing a lot of anxiety in guys who worry about it. There was a local case where an 18 year old got convicted for luring a 15 year old into sex by sending her messages over the computer. Many people think the charge was a joke, but he did get convicted. You have to check your local laws.

Cuchculan · Mar 19, 2021

We had a couple here in Ireland. Both underage. Oddly the bloke got into trouble. Nothing said to the girl at all. I just think that is wrong. If he was guilty of anything, she was guilty of the exact same thing. But it was her father who reported it to the police. It was all just two people of the same age having a bit of fun. Not like one was above the legal age and the other was under it. But I have always said just be safe on the net. Don't put yourself in any situations that could get you into trouble.

ding · Mar 19, 2021

You have to be 18 to be a groomer

Cuchculan · Mar 19, 2021

Says who exactly? you can be 16 or 17 or 15 and target young kids on the net for sexual gain. You are still doing the same thing. Which is wrong.

ding · Mar 19, 2021

You can't get busted
If I was 15 why should I have to worry about an online long distance relationship with a girl two years younger? Thats like saying that you are not allowed to talk to any girls younger than you at school. A stupid overprotective adult way of thinking based on jealousy that they were unable to find a girlfriend when they were 15. Pathetic

Cuchculan · Mar 19, 2021

It depends on what you are talking to the 13 year old about. Normal talk is all good. I explained that in my first post. Grooming is making a younger person give you something sexual in nature. Might be a picture. At 13 she would be considered far too young by law. There are laws these days that cover the net too. Talking is fine. Is the talking them to get sexual with you that is the wrong thing. Even if you are only 2 years older than her. A friendship is all well and good. Nothing wrong with that at all.

ding · Mar 19, 2021

Piffle

Ireland got one of the world's worst records of mistreatment of vulnerable young women and children in modern times. Nothing to do with two teenagers having a harmless interaction on Facebook.

A savvy 13 year old could easily groom an older boy or girl.

Adults need to stop projecting their neuroses on their kids

When I was 15 all the girls of my age were going out with boys of 16. When I was 16 all the girls of my age were going out with boys of 18. So when I got to 17 I went out with a girl of 14. We were both happy until she chucked me for someone else older than me.

Aries · Mar 20, 2021

They keep creating more and more anti-sex laws. I think it's counterproductive but you have to be aware of the laws. I think a lot of guys are just avoiding women and sex out of fear and I don't blame them. You hear stories about kids ending up on the sex offender registry for life for a prank like sitting on someone's face.

2 N.J. teens labeled sex offenders for life after 'horseplay' incident

Megan's Law requires 14-year-old boys from Somerset County to register for rest of lives

www.nj.com

ding · Mar 20, 2021

I get the impression that very few folk here ever had teenage kids of their own.

13 year olds, especially girls, can be scarily mature. This got most to do with precocious. Yeah, there are some whose moms treat them as equals and they act kinda precocious.

The ones I talking about here typically come from a broken home where there mom is never there coz she has to work often evenings in bars/chow joints so that it is left to the oldest sibling to be a mom to her younger siblings. Often the mom got mental health problems so that the daughter ends up as head of the household doing shopping and cooking too. In addition to school and homework never gets done so she don't get a proper education.

In poor countries its far worse.

ding · Mar 20, 2021

we scared or whateva said:
Omg hey besties. So i'm 15 and this morning I broke up with my 13 year old girlfriend of a week because our age gap made me slightly uncomfy. It was long distance, she lives in Scotland and is in 8th grade. She turns 14 in May. I'm in 9th grade and I turn 16 in August. We were online friends for a couple months before that then I was laying in bed one day and realized that I kind of liked her so I told her and she said she liked me back, so we took it from there? IS THAT GROOMING AM I A PEDO I HAVE SO MUCH ANXIETY ABOUT THIS HELPPPP

So how are things going dude?

Hope you are satisfied with the different answers you got.

The worse thing that can happen to you is that she finds someone closer to home. Or you do.

Cuchculan · Mar 20, 2021

As for Ireland? Most of that happened with priests and nuns. Turned the country against the church. That is much different than what we are talking about here. This topic has nothing got to do with the church at all. Lot of evil bastards around years ago who took advantage of the power they had. Then that was hid by those running the church. It also happened in the USA. All only came out over the past 2 decades. It was wrong and it was cruel.

What we are talking about is the actual word ' grooming '. Normal talking is fine. You can have a great friendship with a person younger than you on the net. Grooming in all about one person who sets out, on purpose, to hunt down younger people, for sexual gain. Can all start out innocent. As they work their way towards their end gain. In other words it is done over time. And it does happen a lot. So much so that in a lot of countries you have police act as kids on various parts of the net trying to catch these people. Police can't mention sex at all. They can only play along and hope the other person mentions sex. You also have various groups who track down groomers. They act as kids too. Person asks to meet them. They let the police know what is happening. But the also show up with a video camera and live stream them catching the pervert out.

But the original poster and what he was doing was all innocent. That was just you normal online thing. Nothing wrong with that at all. Far from grooming.

As for having kids of a certain age? I think I would love to know what mine was doing on the net at 13 or 14. Who they were talking to. Some parents don't give a crap about what their kids get up. Once they are not bugging the parents, the parents are happy to leave them be. Let them do what they want. Have no idea who they are talking to. Lot of new thing on the net over the last decade. Were 20 or so years ago it was all MSN and Yahoo chat rooms. Which were finally removed from the net.

I always tell people to play it safe online. Heck you could think you are talking to some young female, when you are really talking to an old man. It happens. Or older women pretending they are much younger. It is all just words on a screen. People fall for these words. Get sucked in. Think they are fallen in love. When they have no idea who is really on the other end of the computer they are talking to.

Aries · Mar 21, 2021

Cuchculan said:
As for Ireland? Most of that happened with priests and nuns. Turned the country against the church. That is much different than what we are talking about here. This topic has nothing got to do with the church at all. Lot of evil bastards around years ago who took advantage of the power they had. Then that was hid by those running the church. It also happened in the USA. All only came out over the past 2 decades. It was wrong and it was cruel.

What we are talking about is the actual word ' grooming '. Normal talking is fine. You can have a great friendship with a person younger than you on the net. Grooming in all about one person who sets out, on purpose, to hunt down younger people, for sexual gain. Can all start out innocent. As they work their way towards their end gain. In other words it is done over time. And it does happen a lot. So much so that in a lot of countries you have police act as kids on various parts of the net trying to catch these people. Police can't mention sex at all. They can only play along and hope the other person mentions sex.

In theory that happens. But in practice they like to entrap people. One way is to put up a pic of a woman who is obviously over 18 and then have the woman just say she is 14. The they try to nail the guy with a pedo charge.

https://www.ledger-enquirer.com/news/local/crime/article202687419.html

Cuchculan · Mar 21, 2021

They can use a fake profile. But they are not allowed use the word ' sex ' first. If they were to bring up sex first the person they were talking to could not be arrested. bit like on the streets with hookers. The people approaching the hookers can't ask for sex first. The hooker has to offer the sex for a price. Online the person approaching them has to ask for something sexual. Then they have him / her. Easy to be thrown out of court if done wrong. You mention sex first and they say they were just looking to talk and you made them an offer. Case dimissed. They mention the sex first and you have them.

Aries · Mar 21, 2021

Cuchculan said:
They can use a fake profile. But they are not allowed use the word ' sex ' first. If they were to bring up sex first the person they were talking to could not be arrested. bit like on the streets with hookers. The people approaching the hookers can't ask for sex first. The hooker has to offer the sex for a price. Online the person approaching them has to ask for something sexual. Then they have him / her. Easy to be thrown out of court if done wrong. You mention sex first and they say they were just looking to talk and you made them an offer. Case dimissed. They mention the sex first and you have them.

If it's just prostitution those are the rules. But men don't do lots of time for that so cops are setting up traps like the one I linked above. The cops put the ad on backpage which was a well known site for sex workers. I saw an ad like that where the poster mentioned 'hard candy'. AVOID that. Some guys might not know what it means and it will get them in LOTS of trouble.

Cuchculan · Mar 21, 2021

To explain how a set up would work over this side of the world. The perp would be fully aware they are talking to a 14 year old. Nothing is hidden. Person playing the young girl acts all shy and innocent. Any pictures sent would be of a 14 year old. So the perp would know it is just a kid. Then you could set up a meeting. If he shows, he knows only too well he is going to meet a 14 year old. Can't pretend he thought she was older based on pictures or anything like that. He is fully aware what he is doing. Is even better when one of those groups looking for such people are the ones setting him up. Streamed live on the net for everybody to see him. But the do inform the police about what is happening.

There is always things that can go wrong. They once streamed the wrong person. Thought they had their perp. Guy's neighbours were watching this on the net. They bet the crap out of him later that night. Innocent person. The police don't like these groups. Because mistakes can be made. Have been a few of those over the years. Wrong names been shot all over the net.

Irish law on such things is a bit soft. Caught with any child porn on your computer and you get a whole year in prison. Means you will serve six months. No time at all. For the sake of this post, let us pretend you are 18 and into younger people. You go have sex with a 15 year old. Again you will get a whole year in prison. Meaning you will serve about 6 months. For any kind of sexual abuse you will get a bigger sentence. Maybe 5 to 6 years. Which will have you back out in about 2 years. Have you worked it out yet? They make you serve about half the time only. Is a bloody joke really. Should get longer inside.

Aries · Mar 21, 2021

That happened to a guy in a prep school here. He was 18 and had sex with his 15 year old classmate. He didn't do a ton of prison time but he has kept up the appeals because he's on the sex offender registry for life. It's an extremely harsh sentence.

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