Already feeling better having found this

[lilmisswordnerd]

Hi, all. A nervous and somewhat glad greeting to you.

I've been suffering from general anxiety since graduate school (about 5-6 years). Before that, I suffered from very deep depression in high school, with quite the nice little break in-between them in college.

I'm so glad I found this forum. I have a fairly good support system with my family and friends, but none of them suffer from anxiety, so often times they don't really get it. They only started to see the severity of it my last few months of grad school (2015), when the idea of graduation and the "big job hunt" had me in such a spiral that i barely ate or slept for 2 months. I dropped weight like nobody's business and only barely managed to bounce back in time to walk the stage.

I'm currently looking to change jobs and move to a larger city, and the idea of the change and applying to jobs and meeting new people, and dealing with learning new systems...I think I might puke. For me, the unknown is one of my biggest anxiety triggers. Whenever I travel, I look up the hotel on google maps; so I know where the turn is; I look up the map for the airport so I know where all the gates are; I look up all the nearby food places. I try to make it as familiar as humanly possible, so I'm not stuck in an unknown kind of limbo. I can't do that with potential employers or jobs. I can't look at a map of the office and see where the restrooms are, or if my desk would be semi-private, or if there's a communal fridge for lunch...Every job application I send out has me sick to my stomach, and every time my phone vibrates, my hands start to shake. I feel like I'm being completely stupid, as I'm a professional and I deal with strangers and higher-ups all day. I've sent letters to state officials, cold-called national organizations...why does this make me terrified? Anyway, hi to all those who also survive with anxiety (most days lol). I hope you had a Monday that...well...didn't feel like a Monday. I know mine did.

 

[Rinka]

Hiya lilmisswordnerd and welcome to the forum.
It’s nice to meet you!

 

[janemariesayed]

Hello @lilmisswordnerd and a very warm welcome to our friendly community here. I suffer from anxiety like you but thankfully, my mum is very understanding. I've noticed recently how understanding all my family are. They may not suffer what I do, but they understand why and just accept it.

It seems that anxiety just hits when it feels like it wants to. I used to work cold calling door to door selling and was a real extrovert. Now, I'm agoraphobic and afraid to speak with anyone face to face! Such is life huh?

You've found a perfect place here for support. I'm looking forward to getting to know you.

 

[lilmisswordnerd]

Thank you both! I do have an amazing support system, although I don't like to rely on them too much. I'm not good at asking for help, which is part of the reason I think this site might be ideal. If someone gets sick of me, they can just exit the program or tell me off, and we never have to see each other! lol Most people I know--particularly professionally--see me as the take-charge type, and very few know how bad my anxiety is (or just don't believe I actually have it). It's nice to find a place where the assumption isn't "you never seem to be anxious. I've never seen you unsure. Surely you're just joking or wrong," but rather that what I'm saying I feel is accurate for me and taken as the truth. It's very refreshing.