Advice would be appreciated.

[bigjetplane23]

I’ll try to make this short….
I have this friend, we have been friends for about a year.
At first, our friendship was great. Out of nowhere, she started acting strange and talking to me less. I got upset, and decided to not be friends anymore. Well, with time I started to miss the friendship and I gave in, and messaged her. Everything was ok and then I noticed that she only messaged me when she was going through something (she suffers from anxiety) but when she knew I needed someone, she never checked on me. I stayed away for a while. Months later, stupid me missed the friendship again and I cracked and messaged her, and now we’re back at it again. She only messages me every now and then. I have asked her if I’m a bother and she says no, but her actions say otherwise.
I guess I’m just hurt because before we would message from the time we woke up until when we slept and now, I only get like 5 messages a day and then I get left on read.
Is it time to walk away for good this time or am I expecting too much in return?

 

[Sweet T]

If she suffers from anxiety as you say, she may be isolating and withdrawing. It likely has nothing to do with how much she likes you. I hope you can show her some grace and understand what she may be going through

 

[bigjetplane23]

I guess what kills me is that I used to be the person who she would go to when she was having a bad day; I knew everything she was feeling and would help her through her anxiety. And now I know nothing…

 

[Sweet T]

I guess what kills me is that I used to be the person who she would go to when she was having a bad day; I knew everything she was feeling and would help her through her anxiety. And now I know nothing…

But you also know that she might come back again. Just keep reaching out. Anxiety lies. It is probably lying to her

 

[ding]

You got your own issues right? Your there for her but she's not there for you. That is not much of a friendship. I'd just write her off and find a new friend

 

[Jonathan123]

If you reach out to anyone and they don't respond, it's their problem not yours. I can understand how you feel being rejected, which is what it seems to be. We can't get into the mind of another. There will always be hidden factors of which we know nothing. You are not being stupid, not at all. Feeling hurt at rejection is very natural. We begin to think there may be something wrong with us, something we said or did. It does depend how much she means to you, whether you pursue this relationship or not.

 

[Aries]

You got your own issues right? Your there for her but she's not there for you. That is not much of a friendship. I'd just write her off and find a new friend

That's what it sounds like to me.

 

[bigjetplane23]

Update. They did admit they have been having bad anxiety. But I also have been going through my things. Told them just a little of it. Never checked up on me. I was hurt and told them the next day, that it’s messed up that they can’t even check up on me knowing I had a bad flu. Been texting them everyday, been left on read. Saw them today at work, totally ignored me. What did I do?

 

[Sweet T]

You might want something from your friend that they aren’t able to give. I’m sorry you are feeling down about it.

Listening to music helps me. So many artists are able to put words to what we are going through. It’s helpful. I’m listening to Patty Griffin right now.

 

[Aries]

Update. They did admit they have been having bad anxiety. But I also have been going through my things. Told them just a little of it. Never checked up on me. I was hurt and told them the next day, that it’s messed up that they can’t even check up on me knowing I had a bad flu. Been texting them everyday, been left on read. Saw them today at work, totally ignored me. What did I do?

You acted like a person with feelings and problems, not a servant. Your friend wants a servant to attend to all wants and needs and not give anything back. You don't want to be that so move on.

 

[ding]

Update. They did admit they have been having bad anxiety. But I also have been going through my things. Told them just a little of it. Never checked up on me. I was hurt and told them the next day, that it’s messed up that they can’t even check up on me knowing I had a bad flu. Been texting them everyday, been left on read. Saw them today at work, totally ignored me. What did I do?

Try accept the situation. So she ignore you? Not your problem but hers. You don't need her.

 

[bigjetplane23]

Thanks guys. You guys were the common sense I needed.
I already have my own personal battles on top of having this as well.
I sent her a text where I apologized for God knows what? And I told her I was done and bye.
Oh well. Guess what. No reply

 

[ding]

Thanks guys. You guys were the common sense I needed.
I already have my own personal battles on top of having this as well.
I sent her a text where I apologized for God knows what? And I told her I was done and bye.
Oh well. Guess what. No reply

Way to go gal

Well done

 

[bigjetplane23]

Guys I cracked and sent another message. Guess what? No reply. I literally showed this person that I don’t value myself and that I seem desperate when I’m just trying to save our friendship….

 

[MATD]

Working on your own value is a good place to be. You tried, it didn’t work out. It hurts but a friend who never gets back to you is not a friend. For whatever reason. Give yourself credit for trying, move on. You can’t make it happen if the other person doesn’t want it too. What’s the old saying about taking two to tango?

 

[bigjetplane23]

I tried officially for 2 weeks to get an answer from my friend and check up on them and make sure they’re ok since I know what they go through. And I know how it feels to deal with anxiety.
I think it’s safe to say now that they don’t want to be my friend and I think I can say I tried at least.
I have finally accepted it and deleted their number. I was in denial before and had hope they would reply but no. I now understand the quote that says “No response is a response”. I’m done.

 

[bigjetplane23]

Update. Friend messaged me about 1 week ago, I responded. Everything was ok. And now we’re back at it, with the not replying to me and being distant. I know she’s going through an anxiety/depression episode, but I feel like it’s draining me being here waiting to see if I’ll get a reply throughout the day. Constantly checking my phone, I feel like I spam her phone now. I feel very selfish even thinking maybe I should just completely cut this friendship off because I go through anxiety as well, and I would be very hurt if someone did this to me because of my mental illness. But I feel exhausted and drained being in this friendship. When things are ok, they’re good but when they’re bad it’s really sad for me to the point that I cry. I know it’s annoying to keep hearing about this since I did say I was done, but after her messaging me I got hope that it can be ok again but we fall back into it.
Advice …

 

[MATD]

One week? It really sounds like your expectations of friendship means constant communication. Some people just aren’t in to that. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings but just point out what may be part of the problem. You did ask for advice. Friendship does not mean constant communication. You may be overwhelming your friend and she just isn’t into the kind of communication you seem to expect. I made friends with a woman who overwhelmed me with her behavior, multiple daily visits ( she was a neighbor), and even started coming into my home and waking me up in the mornings in my own bedroom. That was going too far and I had to end the friendship. Some people like a lot of interaction, others not so much is my point.

 

[bigjetplane23]

One week? It really sounds like your expectations of friendship means constant communication. Some people just aren’t in to that. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings but just point out what may be part of the problem. You did ask for advice. Friendship does not mean constant communication. You may be overwhelming your friend and she just isn’t into the kind of communication you seem to expect. I made friends with a woman who overwhelmed me with her behavior, multiple daily visits ( she was a neighbor), and even started coming into my home and waking me up in the mornings in my own bedroom. That was going too far and I had to end the friendship. Some people like a lot of interaction, others not so much is my point.

Yeah you might be right. I just got used to the constant communication we had before she totally ghosted me - we would talk from daytime to nighttime. But it seems like a very one-sided friendship, doesn’t ask me how I am or how I’m feeling. But I’m always asking her, making sure she’s ok, etc.
What hurts me is that there’s days where she’s really clingy and talks to me all day and then we’ll go days without talking and she’ll straight up ignore me…. Like what about me and my feelings. Idk guys..

 

[bigjetplane23]

Anyone??