I sometimes feel like I must be more afraid of public speaking than anyone can be. I've tried to analyze it and understand why it comes about. I know it wasn't always this way, but it got much worse as I got older. In high school I didn't love it, but I was able to get through speech class and the like with basic nervousness like most others. However, I remember having to do a presentation in college. I dreaded it for weeks before, wondering how I could possibly get through it. I actually bought a six-pack of beer and drank it in the parking lot an hour or so before the presentation.
Since then it's only gotten worse. In my career now, I rarely ever have to do public speaking, but when I do it's excruciating. I've realized some things about it: it's at it's worst when I'm put "on the spot". That is, if I am in a meeting or something like that and we have to go around the room, even if it's just to say my name and what department I work in, it's awful. As each person goes, the dread builds knowing that's it's getting closer to my turn. I feel a wave of panic, like what can I do to just get out of here now. I know that some people are nervous, but they still are able to sound fairly calm. My problem is that my heart starts to race uncontrollably, so that it's impossible to talk normally. No matter what I say will come across cracked and shaky and it will be apparent that I'm terrified, which feeds the fear even more.
It's so weird though: in a meeting where everyone is just sort of sharing ideas, I've found that I can make a comment or ask a question without much trouble. I think I'm able to do so because since I know I don't HAVE to say anything, my body never gets into the fight or flight mode and my heart rate and everything are under control. When I begin to speak I realize I sound okay, and that puts me more at ease. It's also why when talking in a group of people in a casual situation I'm fine and even very personable, because I never get to that state of terrible panic that comes with knowing my "turn" is coming up.
The thing is, I know the fear doesn't come from being afraid of messing up or not having a perfect presentation. It comes from people being able to tell I'm terrified. So, it's a tough situation - if I didn't care about that, I could just say to myself: "as bad as this is, if I do this a few times I know it will improve, and it's not going to kill me". But, I don't want anyone to EVER see me in that panicked state, so I have this pressure of not ever being able to allow that situation to occur.
Can anyone else identify with this? I have never found anything that really helps. I've considered everything from medication to alcohol to therapy, to just completely avoiding any kind of public speaking at any cost.
Since then it's only gotten worse. In my career now, I rarely ever have to do public speaking, but when I do it's excruciating. I've realized some things about it: it's at it's worst when I'm put "on the spot". That is, if I am in a meeting or something like that and we have to go around the room, even if it's just to say my name and what department I work in, it's awful. As each person goes, the dread builds knowing that's it's getting closer to my turn. I feel a wave of panic, like what can I do to just get out of here now. I know that some people are nervous, but they still are able to sound fairly calm. My problem is that my heart starts to race uncontrollably, so that it's impossible to talk normally. No matter what I say will come across cracked and shaky and it will be apparent that I'm terrified, which feeds the fear even more.
It's so weird though: in a meeting where everyone is just sort of sharing ideas, I've found that I can make a comment or ask a question without much trouble. I think I'm able to do so because since I know I don't HAVE to say anything, my body never gets into the fight or flight mode and my heart rate and everything are under control. When I begin to speak I realize I sound okay, and that puts me more at ease. It's also why when talking in a group of people in a casual situation I'm fine and even very personable, because I never get to that state of terrible panic that comes with knowing my "turn" is coming up.
The thing is, I know the fear doesn't come from being afraid of messing up or not having a perfect presentation. It comes from people being able to tell I'm terrified. So, it's a tough situation - if I didn't care about that, I could just say to myself: "as bad as this is, if I do this a few times I know it will improve, and it's not going to kill me". But, I don't want anyone to EVER see me in that panicked state, so I have this pressure of not ever being able to allow that situation to occur.
Can anyone else identify with this? I have never found anything that really helps. I've considered everything from medication to alcohol to therapy, to just completely avoiding any kind of public speaking at any cost.