Abdominal and back cramps, fear of cancer

[anxiousinamerica]

I'm 40 and male, and this is my first post here. A couple weeks ago, I started getting a cramp in my right abdomen, radiating to my back, which I am still experiencing. I went to the doctor two days ago, and they couldn't figure out what it was.

I went home and googled my symptoms (which I know I really shouldn't do), and now I'm convinced I have pancreatic cancer, and will probably die within five years. This thought has been consuming me for the past couple of days, to the point where I can think of little else. I may start the day feeling more positive, thinking I'm starting to feel better, but every time the symptom hits, it sends me into a negative spiral, to the point where I'm afraid of the symptoms themselves, and the anxiety just makes them worse.

I know that I have a pretty long history of health anxiety, and I thought it had improved considerably in recent years. But because the symptom in this case is so specific, I can't help think that if I get tested, I will be proven right this time. I feel like my GP is either missing the obvious, or (more likely) doesn't want to send me for a lot of tests until they have enough information. The "wait and see" approach.

I don't know what good posting this is, but I guess it can't hurt. I do go to therapy once a month, and usually I have ways of managing my anxiety better. I've been trying to read articles about overcoming health anxiety. But in this instance, I can't get past the thought that my fear is justified. The alternative explanations I am trying to come up with in my head aren't convincing enough to me. So maybe by posting here, I can get different perspectives? Maybe someone has gone through something similar, or is able to manage their fear better. I don't know. I just want to escape this negative thought cycle and get on with my life, but I can't seem to.

 

[matisworried]

sorry you're so anxious. i'm curious if you think your concerns about pancreatic cancer have anything to do with alex trebek's recent statements about early detection.

as you pointed out, googling your symptoms is never a good idea. it literally will never do anything other than cause you more anxiety. it really is just adding fuel to the fire. it's important to remember that even the most benign symptoms can indicate serious illness when your doctor is a search engine that can also find you recipes for chili, the price of a used 2007 toyota rav4 and pictures of cats dressed as superheroes.

you're mistaking a list of symptoms you found on a random website for actual knowledge of disease and how it presents. a good example is "twitching." people like us feel a muscle twitch, google it and instantly think it's ALS. the problem is that twitching has a very specific way and time of presenting itself in regards to ALS... but hardly any of these "medical" websites actually go in to that. if they did, most people wouldn't be here freaking out about it. that's very likely what you're doing to yourself right now.

realize that your doctor went to school for a really long time and has likely treated hundreds if not thousands of patients, seeing a wide variety of illnesses including, more than likely, pancreatic cancer. if there were anything to be concerned about, tests would be ordered. doctors have a vested interest in keeping you alive and healthy - missing things like cancer are detrimental to their careers. if nothing else, hospitals (and in turn doctors) make billions of dollars every year off of the tests and procedures they order. if there was ANY reason to order a test, they would.

it's great you're in therapy. if your anxiety is ramping up and you're having a hard time managing it, maybe it's a good idea to increase how often you go until you're through this rough patch. good luck!

 

[Kari85]

I’ve had that pain many times before and currently have it now. Feels like inflammation, for me at least. It tends to come when my anxiety is bad. I’ve had ultrasounds of my gallbladder that are always normal. The pain usually lasts a couple of weeks for me and then just goes away. Hopefully yours will do the same. Some bloodwork and an ultrasound couldn’t hurt (if your doctor recommends them). One of the hardest things about health anxiety is just because we have somatic symptoms, it doesn’t make us exempt from having an actual medical condition but it usually isn’t anywhere near as bad as our anxiety makes it out to be. I’ve had Health Anxiety for 14 years and have not one single time diagnosed myself correctly. Try and trust your doctor and let us know how it goes!

 

[anxiousinamerica]

sorry you're so anxious. i'm curious if you think your concerns about pancreatic cancer have anything to do with alex trebek's recent statements about early detection.

as you pointed out, googling your symptoms is never a good idea. it literally will never do anything other than cause you more anxiety. it really is just adding fuel to the fire. it's important to remember that even the most benign symptoms can indicate serious illness when your doctor is a search engine that can also find you recipes for chili, the price of a used 2007 toyota rav4 and pictures of cats dressed as superheroes.

you're mistaking a list of symptoms you found on a random website for actual knowledge of disease and how it presents. a good example is "twitching." people like us feel a muscle twitch, google it and instantly think it's ALS. the problem is that twitching has a very specific way and time of presenting itself in regards to ALS... but hardly any of these "medical" websites actually go in to that. if they did, most people wouldn't be here freaking out about it. that's very likely what you're doing to yourself right now.

realize that your doctor went to school for a really long time and has likely treated hundreds if not thousands of patients, seeing a wide variety of illnesses including, more than likely, pancreatic cancer. if there were anything to be concerned about, tests would be ordered. doctors have a vested interest in keeping you alive and healthy - missing things like cancer are detrimental to their careers. if nothing else, hospitals (and in turn doctors) make billions of dollars every year off of the tests and procedures they order. if there was ANY reason to order a test, they would.

it's great you're in therapy. if your anxiety is ramping up and you're having a hard time managing it, maybe it's a good idea to increase how often you go until you're through this rough patch. good luck!

Yeah, I heard about Alex Trebek, so maybe subconsciously I was influenced. But I wasn't really thinking of him, to be honest. I remember his announcement freaked me out a little at the time, but like most things, it just receded to the back of my mind along with the many other little things that have bugged me over the years.

I am curious what he said about early detection, because my understanding is that the capabilities for detecting it early are very limited, and usually by the time you're experiencing any symptoms, it's already advanced.

My therapist recommends seeing a professional who specializes in patients with OCD. I may try that. She also mentions medication, but I'm more open to trying out the former option than the latter. I'm already on several medications for other conditions, so I don't want to take anything else unless absolutely necessary. Of course, none of this matters if I'm actually sick, but assuming I'm not, seeing a specialist is probably the better option.

You make a good point about self-diagnosing on the internet. I guess that unlike doctors who treat many patients, we often don't have a point of reference for what an illness actually looks like. All we have to go on are words on some anonymous website. I worry about ALS sometimes, but I'm a little more comforted that I've never heard of cases of it in people 40 or under (if there are examples, I don't want to know.) So I feel like I still have a bit of a ways to go before it becomes a real concern for me.

I’ve had that pain many times before and currently have it now. Feels like inflammation, for me at least. It tends to come when my anxiety is bad. I’ve had ultrasounds of my gallbladder that are always normal. The pain usually lasts a couple of weeks for me and then just goes away. Hopefully yours will do the same. Some bloodwork and an ultrasound couldn’t hurt (if your doctor recommends them). One of the hardest things about health anxiety is just because we have somatic symptoms, it doesn’t make us exempt from having an actual medical condition but it usually isn’t anywhere near as bad as our anxiety makes it out to be. I’ve had Health Anxiety for 14 years and have not one single time diagnosed myself correctly. Try and trust your doctor and let us know how it goes!

This actually makes me feel a little bit better. That's kind of the missing link for me...if I could find out that other people can have this particular combination of symptoms (right ab cramp radiating to back) without having cancer, then maybe my chances of having it aren't so inevitable.

I've been having a particularly rough time today, so thanks guys for your responses. May not be the last you see of me, but at least it's a good start.

 

[Jennie048]

I'm experiencing the exact same type of pain and have been for quite awhile and it is off and on. Mine is also on the right side and also goes around to the back. I work out a lot with high intense classes with weight training so at times mine feels more like a muscle strain in those areas as I'm right handed and that side is more dominant and works harder. Mine tends to come and go and I tend to only really worry about it and really notice it when I'm in an anxious state. I just had my regular check up at the doctor and all was fine along with complete blood work as well. I also recently had a colonoscopy done since I'm now 50 and that was fine too. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with type of symptom.

 

[matisworried]

I work out a lot with high intense classes with weight training so at times mine feels more like a muscle strain in those areas as I'm right handed and that side is more dominant and works harder. Mine tends to come and go and I tend to only really worry about it and really notice it when I'm in an anxious state.

this is why these forums are great. you literally solved your own case!

 

[anxiousinamerica]

I'm experiencing the exact same type of pain and have been for quite awhile and it is off and on. Mine is also on the right side and also goes around to the back. I work out a lot with high intense classes with weight training so at times mine feels more like a muscle strain in those areas as I'm right handed and that side is more dominant and works harder. Mine tends to come and go and I tend to only really worry about it and really notice it when I'm in an anxious state. I just had my regular check up at the doctor and all was fine along with complete blood work as well. I also recently had a colonoscopy done since I'm now 50 and that was fine too. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with type of symptom.

Thanks Jennie048. My symptoms do often feel like some kind of tension, at least the ones in my back, but I had a difficult time pinpointing which muscle. So I assumed it had to be an internal organ.

I do go to the gym about 4 or 5 times a week. I've been going for about 9 years now, but I actually think my workouts have gotten less intense. I'm left handed, and I don't believe I do anything too strenuous. Just cardio, and very basic weight exercises...enough to keep myself active.

It sounds funny, but my health anxiety is probably the reason I started going to the gym, and why I've been able to keep at it so long. I don't really enjoy it, but I always hear how exercise (and diet) is essential to good health, and if you don't do it, you'll suffer the consequences. So I make myself go.

I do find positive benefits though. I feel it has helped my anxiety in general (even if I don't feel like it's doing very much for me right now). Also when I'm working out, I tend to feel my symptoms less, maybe because I'm not so hyper-focused on them. Sounds like that's been your experience too.

But otherwise, trying not to think about my symptoms is like trying not to think about the pink, polka-dotted elephant. And the more I think about them, the more anxious I get, the worse the symptoms seem to get as well. It's a vicious cycle.

Maybe the lesson is to keep myself busy and be active. Even though when my anxiety gets the better of me, I often want to do the exact opposite.

 

[matisworried]

exercise is very helpful for reducing anxiety.

like they say "idle hands are the devil's playthings." if my (health) anxiety is particularly bad, i NEED to stay active. sitting around only gives my brain time to think and that's the last thing i need. learning CBT techniques are very beneficial during these times as well.

 

[Jennie048]

I also agree that my Health Anxiety really makes me focus on working out a lot as I feel if I'm working out on a regular basis and trying to eat right - I'm doing the best that I can do. I also feel that when I am keeping myself busy - I don't focus on it as much either.

 

[anxiousinamerica]

Today was actually the first day in a while I was able to think about things other than my symptoms. Mostly, I just felt like I had a lot of tension in my back and some pulled muscles. Maybe from being so stressed. Those things are explainable. So I thought maybe things were improving.

But then later today, I got those same weird cramps...and since then, they've been off and on, and they're just weird. I wish I knew what they were. Before I visited the doctor, I thought they might be gallstones. Scary, but not life threatening.

At my doctor's visit, it was the nurse practitioner who saw me, and after checking my abdomen, she determined it probably wasn't that. She also checked for any pain near my appendix, (there wasn't) and said it probably isn't that either. They did a urine test to see if it was my kidneys, and said they found nothing out of the ordinary.

So what else does that leave? Possibly my liver, though my symptoms don't really seem to match the ones for liver disease (no, I haven't googled today...I'm going off of memory), and then of course my pancreas, which for some reason was never brought up. I'm guessing that because screening for pancreatic cancer is so difficult (which is why it's rarely ever caught in time), she probably wanted to wait to see if the symptoms went away on their own, before she sent me to a bunch of specialists. But so far they haven't. If it really is nothing, why has it persisted for almost three weeks? Shouldn't it have gone away by now?

She said to call her back in another two weeks if the symptoms worsen and don't improve, and I fear that's what I'm going to have to do, and who knows what will happens next. I want to find out what's wrong, but at the same time, am afraid of the diagnosis.

 

[matisworried]

you really need to stop self-diagnosing. you haven't gone to medical school and you are not a doctor. what you're doing by engaging in this behavior is feeding you anxiety. you're giving your brain tons of things to worry about.

you're also trying to read your doctor's mind and you're making assumptions about why she's doing what she's doing... and, of course, your assumptions fit right into your narrative of being sick.

there is a very good chance that what you're experience is at least partially anxiety related. if that's the case, you're going to experience symptoms as long as you're anxious.

 

[anxiousinamerica]

The day after my doctor's visit, I had messaged the nurse practitioner who saw me through the doctor's website, explaining my concerns. Today, almost a week later, I just got a reply. She said she'd be willing to order an ultrasound, if I wish. I said yes.

So it looks like I'll be going for an ultrasound so I can finally see once and for all whether or not something is wrong with me. I anticipate it's going to be a very long and difficult month, and who knows how I'm going to come out at the end of it. All my nightmares could come true. I don't know what my life is going to look like beyond this.

Matisworried, seems like you posted just as I started typing. I'm not trying to self-diagnose, but I can't un-find the information I found. I know I probably should've never googled my symptoms last week. If I could erase it from memory, I would.

I do agree that anxiety aggravates my symptoms. I remember some years back when I was experiencing groin pain, it was a similar thing where I noticed the more tense I got, the worse the pain got. So I've been trying to keep myself as calm as I can under these circumstances and distract myself, but I only can up to a point. There have been times in the past where I've gotten a little ache or a pain and wondered what it was, but it usually went away after a few days, so I stopped worrying. But the ones I'm experiencing currently have lasted nearly three weeks. The symptoms never completely go away, and as long as they continue, I don't know if the anxiety will either. Every little ache is like an instant reminder.

 

[matisworried]

I'd suggest trying to rationally ask yourself if the ultrasound is necessary. is it being ordered because the doctor truly thinks it needs to be done or is it being offered for "reassurance?" my guess is the later. reassurance is a very slippery slope and often doesn't even work... even worse... it usually just fuels your anxiety. now you're dreading the very test you say you want. you're already anticipating a month of hell.

to go from nothing to pancreatic cancer fears after three weeks seems like a pretty giant leap... and only one you got to due to your health anxiety and internet research. this could very easily be muscular, or partially muscular. these types of injuries can take weeks or months to heal due to re-injury.

 

[anxiousinamerica]

I'd suggest trying to rationally ask yourself if the ultrasound is necessary. is it being ordered because the doctor truly thinks it needs to be done or is it being offered for "reassurance?" my guess is the later. reassurance is a very slippery slope and often doesn't even work... even worse... it usually just fuels your anxiety. now you're dreading the very test you say you want. you're already anticipating a month of hell.

to go from nothing to pancreatic cancer fears after three weeks seems like a pretty giant leap... and only one you got to due to your health anxiety and internet research. this could very easily be muscular, or partially muscular. these types of injuries can take weeks or months to heal due to re-injury.

I hear what you're saying. It is for reassurance. But if I have what I think I have, then the longer I wait to get diagnosed, the longer treatment is delayed, the lesser my chance for survival. And the chance of surviving that condition isn't great to begin with.

Last year, I was concerned about the long-term complications of my acid reflux because of a hiatal hernia. So I went to my gastroentrologist to inquire about possible corrective surgery, which my father had recently undergone for his hernia, which was a severe case.

They did some tests on me including an upper-endoscopy. The tests showed everything was fine, and ultimately they determined that my case wasn't severe enough to undergo surgery, and I should just continue my meds.

Since then, I haven't really thought about it much. I got it checked out, everything's fine, and unless I start having trouble eating or something, I don't feel the need to worry about it. So sometimes getting a medical test can pay off, if it allows me to stop worrying about it.

Spending an entire week on edge waiting for the results to come back feels awful though. But I understand the doctors need enough time to be thorough, and I guess that's better than rushing things.

 

[matisworried]

"if i have what i think i have"

spoken like a true hypochondriac. if you need a test to convince you that you're ok everytime you think you're dying, you're gonna end up having a lot of unnecessary tests in your lifetime. you've already had an endoscopy, now you're having an ultrasound. every time i got past an illness i'd swear that was the last time I'd go through something like that again. it never was.

not trying to be harsh, man... I've been there. i definitely know how you're feeling. I've had so many unnecessary tests... even surgical procedures because i refused to listen to my doctors and more or less demanded (begged, pressed, hinted, etc.) for all of this crap i didn't need. the amount of unnecessary stress i put myself through was massive. it was also a massive waste of my time and my money (not to mention, my doctor's time.)

people like us need to be able to trust our doctor's medical opinions and remember that if they thought ANYTHING was wrong, they'd order tests without consulting us about it.

my rule is that if i have to request it or ask about it, it's probably unnecessary. if my doctor either seems to be begrudgingly suggesting it or leaves the decision up to me regarding whether i get it, it's probably unnecessary.

 

[anxiousinamerica]

The doctor's office called me yesterday to say they had booked my ultrasound for today, which happens to be my day off, so I didn't really have the chance to think twice about whether or not I really wanted to go through with it. Just got back a couple hours ago. So now comes the scariest part, which is the waiting game. It actually hasn't quite hit me yet. But I anticipate a rough week ahead.

It kinda feels like I'm going down a rabbit hole. The further you down go, the more likely you'll find something, and I feel like I'm pressing my luck with every test. Sometimes I think about just how complex the human body is, and how there are so many different systems that have to work completely in tandem all the time for us not to die, that it's a wonder that people can even live as long as they do. What are the odds, after checking the results thoroughly, that the doctors won't find anything wrong? Or that I won't have to get additional tests?

Whenever I go through a medical test, my mind divides my life into two periods: before getting the results, and after. The "after" is like the unknown, the abyss, where I simply don't know what my life will be like.

"if i have what i think i have"

spoken like a true hypochondriac. if you need a test to convince you that you're ok everytime you think you're dying, you're gonna end up having a lot of unnecessary tests in your lifetime. you've already had an endoscopy, now you're having an ultrasound. every time i got past an illness i'd swear that was the last time I'd go through something like that again. it never was.

not trying to be harsh, man... I've been there. i definitely know how you're feeling. I've had so many unnecessary tests... even surgical procedures because i refused to listen to my doctors and more or less demanded (begged, pressed, hinted, etc.) for all of this crap i didn't need. the amount of unnecessary stress i put myself through was massive. it was also a massive waste of my time and my money (not to mention, my doctor's time.)

people like us need to be able to trust our doctor's medical opinions and remember that if they thought ANYTHING was wrong, they'd order tests without consulting us about it.

my rule is that if i have to request it or ask about it, it's probably unnecessary. if my doctor either seems to be begrudgingly suggesting it or leaves the decision up to me regarding whether i get it, it's probably unnecessary.

Yeah, I realize that I have some hypochondriacal tendencies...that's why I joined here. I don't like how it affects my life. The upper endoscopy wasn't even the most invasive test. I also had a manometry, where they stick a plastic tube down your throat attached to a little device, and I had to walk around with that thing for a day and a half. Not fun at all.

If this test shows that I'm fine, then I suppose now will probably be as good a time as ever to finally get a handle on this issue somehow. I'm just not sure exactly how. (If the tests show something is wrong, then I guess I'll have a different problem to worry about.)

I've been seeing a therapist for a long time...not specifically for anxiety, but it is an issue we discuss. My therapist has brought up the option of meds, but honestly, I've been on anti-depressants before and never really noticed a difference on them or off them. (I'm also already on several medications for other things, so I'm leery about pumping too many chemicals into my body and what that might do to my system.) I try to read articles and books on how to manage worry and anxiety. I've always been somewhat of an anxious person since I was a kid. I have some generalized anxiety and social anxiety as well, but I think I do a pretty decent job at managing it in other areas of my life. But health worries continue to be my sticking point. I'm not sure what else to do about it. I'm curious what has worked for other people.

 

[matisworried]

i've had a an esophageal manometry. it was probably the worst test i've ever gone through - hated absolutely every second of it. i showed up to my appointment the following day a full hour and a half early in the hopes that i could get it removed even earlier.

since the ultrasound has already been done, i agree with you that now's probably prime time for making some changes. it's great you're seeing a therapist. that's a huge step. it might not be a bad idea to delve a little deeper in to your health anxiety with them, really expound on how much of an impact it's having on your life. it would likely be very beneficial for you to seek cognitive behavioral therapy on top of that. it's been shown to be very beneficial for people suffering from HA. i can only speak from personal experience, but CBT has done way more for my anxiety than any med ever has. i'm not trying to dismiss or dissuade medications, but for me, it's an absolute last resort. i've found that at doses that are effective for managing depression (and taking the edge off of anxiety) the side effects are too unpleasant. most of those meds are geared more towards depression than anxiety anyway.

doing research on anxiety is great - especially if the alternative is doing research on diseases you don't have. read on health anxiety specifically as it's not the same as GAD or social anxiety (both of which i also have.) many professionals think HA is closer related to OCD than actual anxiety due largely to the obsessive and intrusive thoughts and the overwhelming and consuming nature of it. i can definitely see that.

there's a podcast called heavy mental and one of the hosts suffers from health anxiety. i found this episode to be incredibly helpful for me - both in not feeling so alone with how i was feeling and with how to pull myself out of the hundred-foot hole i was trapped in. it's definitely worth a listen (warning, though... there are some swears if you're sensitive to that sorta thing. outside of here, i've got a mouth like a sailor so it doesn't bother me, but just a word of caution if you have a hard time with a random f-bomb here and there.)

LINK: HEAVY MENTAL - HEALTH ANXIETY: A HYPOCHONDRIAC'S GUIDE

 

[anxiousinamerica]

I just got a call back from the NP.

I'm very surprised that I heard back from her this early. It was a nice surprise. She said the tests found no cancer, or anything wrong with my pancreas.

However, the ultrasound spotted what appears to be a hemangioma on my liver, about 14mm wide (sounds pretty small to me). They will need to do an MRI to confirm this. I suspected that wouldn't be the last test I would have to go through. That's what I get for choosing to go down the rabbit hole. But at least it isn't life threatening, or at least they don't think it is.

The NP said my symptoms are unrelated to this condition...but then I went to Mayo Clinic's website. (I said I would stay away from Google, but in this case it's for something that I'm actually told I have. So I figure I should at least find out what it is.) That's where I found this paragraph:

"Rarely, growing hemangioma can cause signs and symptoms that may require treatment, including pain in the upper right quadrant of the abdomen, abdominal bloating or nausea."

If that's the case, then that would seem to explain my symptoms. But has mine always been there, or is it growing? And will the MRI just confirm the results, or show that I have something far worse?

Will they make me change my diet, or discontinue certain medications that I'm kinda scared to go off of at this point? (I may speak more about this concern later.)

I know that no one but the doctors can answer these questions, but these are just examples of some of the things running through my head right now. It may take little while for me to process how I feel about what turns out not to be all good news. But at least the NP seems pretty confident that what I have won't kill me. That's definitely a good thing.

 

[matisworried]

glad you heard back already. those waits can be awful.

regarding the incidental discovery: even though something has been found, research is still research and will still result in obsessive thoughts and increased worry. it also won't change treatment or outcome so what's the point? what research will do is start a whole new cycle of anxiety for you. you can see it starting in your post.

if that's the case, then that would seem to explain my symptoms. But has mine always been there, or is it growing? And will the MRI just confirm the results, or show that I have something far worse?

you're playing medical detective, speculating with no real medical knowledge and you're already thinking about potential worst case scenarios.

remember: there is nothing to worry about unless your doctor tells your there is something to worry about. it sounds like they're really on top of things and you need to trust that if there was anything to be concerned about, they'd let you know. there is no green light to google for people with health anxiety.

 

[redsoxygirl89]

can u tell me more

sorry you're so anxious. i'm curious if you think your concerns about pancreatic cancer have anything to do with alex trebek's recent statements about early detection.

as you pointed out, googling your symptoms is never a good idea. it literally will never do anything other than cause you more anxiety. it really is just adding fuel to the fire. it's important to remember that even the most benign symptoms can indicate serious illness when your doctor is a search engine that can also find you recipes for chili, the price of a used 2007 toyota rav4 and pictures of cats dressed as superheroes.

you're mistaking a list of symptoms you found on a random website for actual knowledge of disease and how it presents. a good example is "twitching." people like us feel a muscle twitch, google it and instantly think it's ALS. the problem is that twitching has a very specific way and time of presenting itself in regards to ALS... but hardly any of these "medical" websites actually go in to that. if they did, most people wouldn't be here freaking out about it. that's very likely what you're doing to yourself right now.

realize that your doctor went to school for a really long time and has likely treated hundreds if not thousands of patients, seeing a wide variety of illnesses including, more than likely, pancreatic cancer. if there were anything to be concerned about, tests would be ordered. doctors have a vested interest in keeping you alive and healthy - missing things like cancer are detrimental to their careers. if nothing else, hospitals (and in turn doctors) make billions of dollars every year off of the tests and procedures they order. if there was ANY reason to order a test, they would.

it's great you're in therapy. if your anxiety is ramping up and you're having a hard time managing it, maybe it's a good idea to increase how often you go until you're through this rough patch. good luck!
[/QUOTE


Can u help me ease my fears with specific way/time of twitching