A rant

[Guest]

Has anyone ever been told 'just ignore it'? I'm blue in the face from saying, but if I could I would! You can ignore small things that upset you and make you feel worse, but when you've got depression that's hard. But still, I do it. I put the radio on and listen to "I'm sorry I haven't a clue" and I laugh and I throw myself into my work.


But sometimes the pain is just too great and all you can do is cry (or not cry cos sometimes the tears dry up with depression) and go in a corner and want to get off the planet.


Sometimes the weight of people judging you for this illness gets too much. You feel you're being judged for being yourself and when this goes on for years and years you feel both worthless and angry. Something inside me still says, "but if you had to deal with the things in my life that i've had to deal with - you wouldn't be so confident and cocky!"


Anyway. But I'm English so I feel I ought to end this on an 'up' note.... but can't think of one.

 

[morgoodie]

I hear you loud and clear. It is not right for people to say things like that. It would be more helpful if someone would just listen without giving advice. Sometimes, all you need is someone to listen and not judge or think that if you just change the way you think then it would all just go away. I have heard so many people just say "think positive" and then you will feel better. I have gotten to the point that I just ignore them and not say anything. If it were as easy as saying "I'm okay and I'm happy" then people would not be depressed. Unfortunately for those that have a chemical imbalance, this will not work. People just do not understand and then they say things that they think are helping so they feel better about themselves.

 

[shcoo]

I completely agree. I think many people who say that to you lack a certain emotional intelligence and depth. Every person should be taught to validate someone's feelings first and foremost before doling out advice. Validation is so, so important and it makes all the difference between being a good friend and a good listener, and just being a jerk who thinks they are dishing out some "tough love." Additionally, someone can validate your feelings without agreeing with you. There are healthy ways to navigate friendships with depressed people and help them but sadly very few of us have the tools to.

 

[Moroccanbeauty2266]

Oh, this is so familiar. I know how it feels to hear that and that is why I try not to talk to people who respond to me like that anymore.


Instead I just swallow it by myself and try to figure out a solution on my own or I talk to friends who do not show such a negative reaction to my depression.


I love sending time with them because they never judge me. The only problem is that it is really hard to find someone who is willing to listen to you and your worries.


I try to be there and listen to others when they talk about their troubles.

 

[WorkAtHomeGal]

I remember when telling my father what was going on and why I was unable to work at all for a while. He thought it was silly and it was my way of thinking. My mom would tell me just be positive. Yes of course I tried to be positive. But I am sorry when I am in the depths of being depressed and can't return for a certain amount of time it is not easy to just change that feeling or make it go away. And I always try to be a good listener to everyone I know who needs it and some do to me too but not always as much... I hate being told to ignore it though, as that does nothing for me.

 

[joshposh]

For the most part you can just brush things off your shoulders and never look back. There are a few things that can't be dismissed and it stings and lingers for awhile. Hard as it is to move away from and not think about, it's something that all of us have to cope with one time or another.


As a coping mechanism I just workout or do some physical activity to burn off the negative energy. Exercise has been known to help people out of depressive states. So that might be something you may want to look into. If you sit there and go into idle mode, it will never get better.

 

[Alex]

What I have learned is not to expect too much from others, and while some people can help others can make things worse. I accept that many people don't know what to say or how to handle people with depression, even if you have suffered yourself. While we can help ourselves, there are days when we will have bad days and can't do much, and that's when people don't get it.


Most think medication solves things, but they don't realize it isn't a cure. Often I take time for myself instead, and do something that I enjoy alone.

 

[pwarbi]

I went through depression a while ago now, and even though like I've said before, I'm still not back to how I used to be, and might never be, I can see that time in y life for what it was,just a process that I had to go through before I could start to carry on. At the time of course, you don't think that way and your depression can consume you and worry you so much that it feels like your life is over, but eventually that feeling does pass and you look back on what you went through philosophically.


If I ever get into that position again, and there's no reason why I won't depending on what life throws at me, I feel I'll be better equipped to handle it and I won't let depression consume me and make me a different person. If people treated me differently like they did before, I'd feel more confident about challenging them and fighting my corner, and just because I might be dealing with some issues, I won't be bullied around by anybody anymore.

 

[hades_leae]

I hate when people tell you to ignore it, that's basically saying don't ignore it. You do the very opposite every time someone says that. The best thing that I think anyone can do is accept it and focus on how to mentally create blocks to emotions that trigger certain outcomes in those types of situations.


I got used to coping with many things people used to say to me that made me feel a certain way that I did not want to feel because I knew that I could over come the negative feelings. It just takes time and practice, if you tell your self what you will not allow yourself to accept, you will become mentally stronger.