3 months after having my baby and scared to death

[Desi8963]

hi. My name is Desiree and I’m 31 years old. I’m new to seeking help from others. The only people I usually talk to about my anxiety is my doctor but I feel she’s not understanding me. I am the mother of an 8 year old, 2 year old and a 3 month old baby boy. I had him and my other children via c section but my last pregnancy came 3 weeks early so although it was planned it was pretty chaotic. Since then I’ve had more severe anxiety than normal. My vision has been blurry and my eye has been twitching and I can’t help but think I have some type of brain tumor....sometimes my back hurts so I believe my kidneys are failing. I work myself up into these attacks and end up crying my eyes out. Every time I see the news or any of those medicine commercials I believe I have the problems and get worked up. Since I’m breastfeeding I can only take about .5mg of lorazepam before bed....so the rest of the day I’m out of my mind. I don’t know what to do. Go to the doctors to check for these tumors and have them brand me as crazy and lock me up? My vision is blurry and I have been looking at my phone a lot lately and since it’s been sunny out I don’t have my inside lights on as often so when I do turn them on the light like make my eyes blurry. I don’t know what to do. I’m in a panic right now. I tried talking to my fiancé about it but he doesn’t help. I tell him I have cancer probably and he just says “I hope not” which makes me believe he believes I have it too....can someone please help me. I don’t know how many more of these episodes I can take.

 

[Kelculator]

Ahhh.... I'm so sorry to know. Been there, I promise. I know it is horrible. The worst part is feeling like you are alone in this dark hole, so I'll just tell you... You are not alone. It is called anxiety. You have an anxiety disorder. It is not your fault. You are not a coward, not just easily worried, but you have anxiety. It is not your problem. We all want to help you here, so it is going to get better from now on.
Do you experience flares in the day that suddenly give you panic and full-blown anxiety? Those are horrible too. I can only tell you that... Feeling like something is wrong does not MEAN something is wrong. When did the eye twitching and vision blurry thing start? How long has it been? I don't think there is a serious underlying issue, to be honest, so I want to help you figure out what is wrong. You might be like "what?? Why would this person think I'm ok?!" But it is because you are in the middle of this, and your brain is just filled with all the possible horrible outcomes.
Back pain is more common than you think in anxiety sufferers. I myself have terrible neck pain from it. And if your kidneys are failing, you would have noticed something wrong with your urine long before they start hurting.
Is that alright? I hope I can comfort you to the best of my knowledge, but I am typing this in class right now (welp!). Talk to us again soon!

 

[Desi8963]

Well reading that really helps

I was diagnosed 5 years ago with GAD but I’ve never had over the top anxiety like this until after my last child was born (3 months ago). It was kind of a traumatic experience I suppose because it was a csection...3 weeks early...and they asked me on the operating table if I wanted my tubes tied which I had talked a little bit with my doctor but never got to discuss side affects so with all of that chaos on top of the in hospital withdrawal from all the pain meds they gave me I guess just flung me over the edge with the anxiety. My eye had been twitching for about 2 weeks probably about 5 times a day. I’ve cut soda and only drink diet now because I thought it was sugar and caffeine overload..but still happens. My eyes have been blurry for about the same time but it comes and goes and that’s why I worry. Once I get even a hint of blurry vision that’s when I get the panic attacks and feel like I’m gonna die of cancer or whatever it is that day. I have to like...go outside to get a hold of myself and then I worry all the way until the night when I take my bit of medicine and then I look back and wonder why I worry...but in the moment it’s so real that I believe I’m gonna just keel over. I’ve recently been doing genealogy as well and sometimes even finding out that a relative died of cancer or heart attack at young age will make me think I have same issues. My dad died when I was 12 from HIV...my uncle in a car accident when he was 20...my ex died of a heart attack at 29...an old HS friend was just diagnosed with brain tumor at 30...just all these things I hear about or read about and then here I am thinking I’m a brain tumor infected diabetic with failing kidneys and skin cancer

Now if I went on and on like this to my psychiatrist I feel like she would have me committed or something because this all does sound crazy so I’m just at a loss on what to do. I am going to make an eye appointment tho but I’m feeling anxious about that because what if it is bad news.

What are some things you have done to help? I know medicine helps but with my young children I don’t want to be snowed all the time

 

[Nat_tat]

Anxiety will always have you believing that the worst is happening to you. Half of the time the abnormal body symptoms are anxiety but if it isn't anxiety can magnify the symptoms due to the stress put on your body by your mental state. as for going to the doctor to get it checked out if that will make you feel better then do it, they're not going to think that you're crazy. I would recommend talking to a counselor or therapist though because they are the perfect person to talk about all your worries

 

[Desi8963]

So anxiety can make me physically sick?? I think I’ve had that happen...like I felt fine then started thinking about heart attacks and then all of the sudden my body felt kinda limp and sleepy then heart rate went up and next thing I know I’m running outside to walk it off in the middle of the night...I think I will go ahead and make an appointment with my psychiatrist. When i was pregnant with my son my OB doctor didn’t really get it. I was constantly calling and coming in because of things I thought could be wrong. They knew I had anxiety but being pregnant I had to stop all medication so I was a wreck and they literally looked at me every time like I was crazy (maybe because I live in a town of 6000 ppl and they aren’t used to it) so I’m scared to go to any regular doctor because they treat me like I’m just making stuff up for medications or something/ over exaggerating when I’m legitimately just worried. I went in once because I had a bad throbbing head ache and was seeing blotchy spots and the ER treated me like a junky looking for a fix when really I just wanted to tell me I wasn’t having a stroke . That episode got brought on because I was reading the label on my adhd meds that said “may cause stroke”

I don’t know I just know I need to do something...because I feel like I’m short changing my kids. I over worry about them and their health and them being kidnapped etc so they don’t get to do things like ride their bike around the block like most 5 and up kids do around here.. I do have good days don’t get me wrong but one little hiccup in my routine of one news broadcast about someone dying and I’m back to the bottom for who knows how long

 

[Nat_tat]

@Desi8963 , Absolutely. Atleast in my case. I have a phobia of vomiting, and when I drink too much alcohol I get really anxious and my heart starts beating like I'm having a heart attack like you described and it stresses my body out so much I end up vomiting... So you can definitely become sick from the stress your body goes into.
But honestly though I have seen a nice counselor for a year and when i tell her about my germaphobe tendencies or anything that worries me she just listens and doesn't judge. Its really the best thing and they help you look at yourself from a neutral perspective you know. But I would try to get back on medication again if you can because the right meds and the right therapist help level things out as much as they can

 

[Desi8963]

Does your vomiting phobia get to u because of the germs or because u think it will hurt your body?

I think I may have to cut breastfeeding short which wasn’t my plan but I’d rather be right in the mind and thrive then suffer.

When I found out I was pregnant I had to quit smoking, adhd meds and anxiety meds. I’m still smoke free (thank goodness haha) but haven’t got back on normal doses of medicine. I’m kinda afraid of that as well because my adhd meds have possible long term side affects so I feel like if I take them I’m gonna have heart failure or something and then I brought it on myself. I was thinking about it and I guess my anxiety is worse because my kids depend on me so if I do die of heart attack or cancer...what would that do to them. Before I had kids the anxiety was tolerable.

 

[Nat_tat]

Germs, its that I think I will get it I also just hate the act of vomiting and the violence of it and Im a huge baby about stomach aches. Its funny any other sickness isn't a big deal to me.

As for stopping breastfeeding a lot of my friends and family had to stop earlier then they wanted to as well, but thats no reflection on you. You have to do whats best for you first and then you have more love and energy to give and share with your kids

 

[Jenniferlynn]

So anxiety can make me physically sick?? I think I’ve had that happen...like I felt fine then started thinking about heart attacks and then all of the sudden my body felt kinda limp and sleepy then heart rate went up and next thing I know I’m running outside to walk it off in the middle of the night...I think I will go ahead and make an appointment with my psychiatrist. When i was pregnant with my son my OB doctor didn’t really get it. I was constantly calling and coming in because of things I thought could be wrong. They knew I had anxiety but being pregnant I had to stop all medication so I was a wreck and they literally looked at me every time like I was crazy (maybe because I live in a town of 6000 ppl and they aren’t used to it) so I’m scared to go to any regular doctor because they treat me like I’m just making stuff up for medications or something/ over exaggerating when I’m legitimately just worried. I went in once because I had a bad throbbing head ache and was seeing blotchy spots and the ER treated me like a junky looking for a fix when really I just wanted to tell me I wasn’t having a stroke . That episode got brought on because I was reading the label on my adhd meds that said “may cause stroke”

I don’t know I just know I need to do something...because I feel like I’m short changing my kids. I over worry about them and their health and them being kidnapped etc so they don’t get to do things like ride their bike around the block like most 5 and up kids do around here.. I do have good days don’t get me wrong but one little hiccup in my routine of one news broadcast about someone dying and I’m back to the bottom for who knows how long

Sweetheart I need you to understand something you need to remember this always panic attacks are uncomfortable not dangerous they make your heart pound they make your head hurt but it's all in your mind and it does change your body but it does not hurt your body I had to learn that the hard way cuz I went to the emergency room three times a couple weeks ago thinking I was dying and they all stared at me like I was crazy and I work in the medical field and this is never happened to me before but always remember panic attacks are uncomfortable not dangerous I'm on two medications now because I obsess about everything also so I have to always tell myself panic attacks are uncomfortable not dangerous they can't physically kill you they can't do anything harmful okay just remember that

 

[Desi8963]

Thanks so much! That means a lot.

I’m confused how I’m supposed to be feeling now because everyone heals from a csection differently. I have a dull cramp in my lower left stomach area that only hurts when I’m up moving around. I had my tubes tied so when I’m not having anxiety problems I think it’s just still healing (it’s been 3 months) but when I have the anxiety attacks I’m thinking it’s a cyst or something serious that could kill me.

Same issue with my back. I have a cramp like pain below my left shoulder blade so when I’m not having an anxiety attack I figure it’s from the way my baby carrier it’s on me when I have my son in it...but when I have an attack I start thinking maybe it’s kidney problems or something and I freak out.

I have been dealing with this every night since I’ve had these pains so about 3 weeks or so...part of me wants to just quit breastfeeding and go get all the anxiety meds I need to get rid of this feeling but the other part of me loves the bond me and baby have so I’m torn. Maybe I can go get some tests done and that will solve this whole thing. Like a health check up...I wouldn’t even know who to ask...my OB doc...my family doc or my psychiatrist?

 

[Jenniferlynn]

Thanks so much! That means a lot.

I’m confused how I’m supposed to be feeling now because everyone heals from a csection differently. I have a dull cramp in my lower left stomach area that only hurts when I’m up moving around. I had my tubes tied so when I’m not having anxiety problems I think it’s just still healing (it’s been 3 months) but when I have the anxiety attacks I’m thinking it’s a cyst or something serious that could kill me.

Same issue with my back. I have a cramp like pain below my left shoulder blade so when I’m not having an anxiety attack I figure it’s from the way my baby carrier it’s on me when I have my son in it...but when I have an attack I start thinking maybe it’s kidney problems or something and I freak out.

I have been dealing with this every night since I’ve had these pains so about 3 weeks or so...part of me wants to just quit breastfeeding and go get all the anxiety meds I need to get rid of this feeling but the other part of me loves the bond me and baby have so I’m torn. Maybe I can go get some tests done and that will solve this whole thing. Like a health check up...I wouldn’t even know who to ask...my OB doc...my family doc or my psychiatrist?

First go to your OB. Your healing from the c-section is completely normal. It will take many more months for it to heal plus you had your tubes tied so you had a lot going on. My sistet in law had a c-section 2 years ago and she still has pain from it. Your body is literally glueing its self back together lol so do not worry about that. Plus your tubes tied. I have to say your doing pretty amazing for it being only three months. Have your OB do a pap smear just to make you feel better. But they would have found the cyst when unhad your son. They grow slow. I have had one for 10 years on my ovaries and i am still going strong. Then u you can go to a phyciatrist. There is meds where u can still nurse that is safe for the baby but believe me i have delt with this aniexty for over 20 years then this last two weeks it just got to be to much. You sweetheart will be fine. That saying is so much easier to say than try to understand but go talk to someone. Get help ... Think of your aniexty as part of you. Dont push it away learn how to work with it. Sending u love hun. All will be well

 

[Desi8963]

Thank you thank you! I feel like a big weight has been lifted. Maybe I’ll actually get some sleep tonight. They did a pap at my 6 week check and said they would call if something was wrong...they never called but I have a hard time trusting them because my son was born with the sickle cell trait and the only way to have it is if a parent does...but I didn’t think I had it and neither my fiancé. Turns out I did have it and this whole time no one ever told me...like I had all my kids at this same hospital so they did my blood work 3 times and never thought to say hey...u have this...so 2 months ago when they told me my son had it I asked my OB doctor and he said yes u have it...we assumed u knew....so I get nervous that I have something and unless I ask they won’t tell...uuughhhhh this is crazy lol lol...but I’ll make an appointment...get checked out and keep u posted on my findings . Thanks again!

 

[Jenniferlynn]

Thank you thank you! I feel like a big weight has been lifted. Maybe I’ll actually get some sleep tonight. They did a pap at my 6 week check and said they would call if something was wrong...they never called but I have a hard time trusting them because my son was born with the sickle cell trait and the only way to have it is if a parent does...but I didn’t think I had it and neither my fiancé. Turns out I did have it and this whole time no one ever told me...like I had all my kids at this same hospital so they did my blood work 3 times and never thought to say hey...u have this...so 2 months ago when they told me my son had it I asked my OB doctor and he said yes u have it...we assumed u knew....so I get nervous that I have something and unless I ask they won’t tell...uuughhhhh this is crazy lol lol...but I’ll make an appointment...get checked out and keep u posted on my findings . Thanks again!

Lol that is crazy my oldest has sickle cell trait from his father. It wont effect him or you though. To affect you both of yours parents would of had to have the trait and also your son if he get with a female then their baby will have it. But it doesn't effect your health at all if you just have the trait. But i will be sending you love and prayers for angood night sleep!!