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monica98

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Hi everyone, I'm Monica and I'm 19. I've been anxious and depressed ever since I can remember. I used to be shy growing up, and though I have a somewhat easier time talking to people now I still carry a lot of nerves and insecurities.Currently, I'm the art school kid of my family and it's not a great feeling. I've done a couple of student projects that I'm proud of but so far that hasn't helped me find a stable job in a related field.

Smoking weed has helped me a bit but I can't do it very often as my family is very against it. My mom found a joint but luckily she thought it was a cigarette. I was able to convince her it was my friend's who dropped but I still broke down crying in front of her.

I hate being the disappointing child in the family. I hate that I'm always under suspicion and I hate that I'm not allowed to do a lot of normal college activities. I'm just so sad all the time and insecure. I don't feel normal. I've never had a serious relationship, I've even done the casual sex thing. I feel ashamed and unloved. I can't even get counseling because I'm having trouble finding a job.

Sorry for the rambling.

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Concernedgal

Concernedgal

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I got news for you... your not normal.. that's OK though . You don't want to be the cookie cutter type person that is like everyone else. Your an artist . Look at history. Think of all the famous artist. Were they normal? Nope... the problem here in my opinion is that you have yet to learn how to love and except yourself. My art is singing. When I am in pain or am depressed. ..I have written wonderful songs about my pain and I also have an amazing voice when I am at my lowest. We have heart...we think that not being normal is a bad thing. As the years wentry by.. (I am 33 now). I have learned that while these people are busy being all the same ...we are becoming interesting people and maybe not now..but soon, people will start to see your inner beauty but, that's only going to happen when you stop trying to be (normal). You have a chance to be happy. People always (shun) those they don't understand. Ignore them...they are ignorant. These people are going to wake up one day and find that they have wasted there lives on being like everybody else. We are artist... let's start embracing it. Take your feeling and apply it to your art..see what you get.

Your fellow artist...
Concernedgal.
 
Concernedgal

Concernedgal

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I got news for you... your not normal.. that's OK though . You don't want to be the cookie cutter type person that is like everyone else. Your an artist . Look at history. Think of all the famous artist. Were they normal? Nope... the problem here in my opinion is that you have yet to learn how to love and except yourself. My art is singing. When I am in pain or am depressed. ..I have written wonderful songs about my pain and I also have an amazing voice when I am at my lowest. We have heart...we think that not being normal is a bad thing. As the years wentry by.. (I am 33 now). I have learned that while these people are busy being all the same ...we are becoming interesting people and maybe not now..but soon, people will start to see your inner beauty but, that's only going to happen when you stop trying to be (normal). You have a chance to be happy. People always (shun) those they don't understand. Ignore them...they are ignorant. These people are going to wake up one day and find that they have wasted there lives on being like everybody else. We are artist... let's start embracing it. Take your feeling and apply it to your art..see what you get.

Your fellow artist...
Concernedgal.
 
janemariesayed

janemariesayed

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monica98 said:
Hi everyone, I'm Monica and I'm 19. I've been anxious and depressed ever since I can remember. I used to be shy growing up, and though I have a somewhat easier time talking to people now I still carry a lot of nerves and insecurities.Currently, I'm the art school kid of my family and it's not a great feeling. I've done a couple of student projects that I'm proud of but so far that hasn't helped me find a stable job in a related field.

Smoking weed has helped me a bit but I can't do it very often as my family is very against it. My mom found a joint but luckily she thought it was a cigarette. I was able to convince her it was my friend's who dropped but I still broke down crying in front of her.

I hate being the disappointing child in the family. I hate that I'm always under suspicion and I hate that I'm not allowed to do a lot of normal college activities. I'm just so sad all the time and insecure. I don't feel normal. I've never had a serious relationship, I've even done the casual sex thing. I feel ashamed and unloved. I can't even get counseling because I'm having trouble finding a job.

Sorry for the rambling.

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
Click to expand...
Hi Monica. I'm sorry that you are suffering and feel the way that you do. You have certainly come to the right place here on this forum. You can ramble as much as you need to on here and get so much support that you will feel loved.

Every family has a black sheep. I was the black sheep of my family too and felt the same as you do now for most of my life.

It may do you well if you continue with your art, even if it is just for a hobby. You could always take photos of your art and sell them online. You may even end up being commissioned. You are young yet and there are plenty of possibilities that will open up to you as you go through your life. Why is it that you are not allowed to take part in a lot of normal college activities? It would really help you if you joined one of the programmes that interest you and you would meet people that way.

Smoking weed does help. I smoke it too and my doctor knows as well as my mum! I don't smoke in front of her and I had no qualms whatsoever to tell her. I don't do any kind of other hard chemical drugs, just the natural pot every now and again. Don't feel bad about yourself. Can you talk to your mum and tell her how you are feeling about being the disappointing child in the family? I bet she would tell you that you are not disappointing and that she loves you any way you are.

You could also ask in college if there is a counsellor to help you?
 
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monica98

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janemariesayed said:
Hi Monica. I'm sorry that you are suffering and feel the way that you do. You have certainly come to the right place here on this forum. You can ramble as much as you need to on here and get so much support that you will feel loved.

Every family has a black sheep. I was the black sheep of my family too and felt the same as you do now for most of my life.

It may do you well if you continue with your art, even if it is just for a hobby. You could always take photos of your art and sell them online. You may even end up being commissioned. You are young yet and there are plenty of possibilities that will open up to you as you go through your life. Why is it that you are not allowed to take part in a lot of normal college activities? It would really help you if you joined one of the programmes that interest you and you would meet people that way.

Smoking weed does help. I smoke it too and my doctor knows as well as my mum! I don't smoke in front of her and I had no qualms whatsoever to tell her. I don't do any kind of other hard chemical drugs, just the natural pot every now and again. Don't feel bad about yourself. Can you talk to your mum and tell her how you are feeling about being the disappointing child in the family? I bet she would tell you that you are not disappointing and that she loves you any way you are.

You could also ask in college if there is a counsellor to help you?
Click to expand...
Thanks so much for the reply, it really means a lot. I'm actually not a conventional artist, I'm im film school right now. Film is my passion and I've been lucky enough to work om a couple student projects so far.

As for telling my mom anything of that sort, it's not really an option. My mom is very against weed and would not accept any reasons I give her for using it.

I live with my grandparents due to the cost of my school and it's not bad. They're more relax than my parents. Even so, we are a very close family so my mom talks to her a lot. I'm not really able to go out too much for long amounts of time. Both due to living with family and living 30 minutes away from school and my friends.

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
 
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XmasCarol52

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monica98 said:
Hi everyone, I'm Monica and I'm 19. I've been anxious and depressed ever since I can remember. I used to be shy growing up, and though I have a somewhat easier time talking to people now I still carry a lot of nerves and insecurities.Currently, I'm the art school kid of my family and it's not a great feeling. I've done a couple of student projects that I'm proud of but so far that hasn't helped me find a stable job in a related field.

Smoking weed has helped me a bit but I can't do it very often as my family is very against it. My mom found a joint but luckily she thought it was a cigarette. I was able to convince her it was my friend's who dropped but I still broke down crying in front of her.

I hate being the disappointing child in the family. I hate that I'm always under suspicion and I hate that I'm not allowed to do a lot of normal college activities. I'm just so sad all the time and insecure. I don't feel normal. I've never had a serious relationship, I've even done the casual sex thing. I feel ashamed and unloved. I can't even get counseling because I'm having trouble finding a job.

Sorry for the rambling.

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
Click to expand...
Hi and welcome.I dont think that I or any of us will be normal.It stinks I know,I for once would love to be able to get up one day without worrying about something.Right now I am a nervous wreck I had to take an extra pill today and I know I will need another one because I am still anxious.All because of my stupid messed up heating I live in senior housing and sometimes trying to get help well it is not very easy,so when anything goes wrong i get very upset depressed and anxious,i do hope that I can sleep tonight because I am at my wits end to be honest I am afraid to be alone right now.I wish I had someone to stay with me.ANyway enough about me welcome to the family you will be loved and cared for here always.Nobody will put you down please talk about anything you want heaven knows i do.
 
janemariesayed

janemariesayed

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monica98 said:
Thanks so much for the reply, it really means a lot. I'm actually not a conventional artist, I'm im film school right now. Film is my passion and I've been lucky enough to work om a couple student projects so far.

As for telling my mom anything of that sort, it's not really an option. My mom is very against weed and would not accept any reasons I give her for using it.

I live with my grandparents due to the cost of my school and it's not bad. They're more relax than my parents. Even so, we are a very close family so my mom talks to her a lot. I'm not really able to go out too much for long amounts of time. Both due to living with family and living 30 minutes away from school and my friends.

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
Click to expand...
I am wondering that there must be something closer to you for you to take part in. What about your local church or library?

My Mum doesn't accept any excuses for smoking from me either, but she does appreciate my honesty. I don't smoke in front of her to give her that respect as I know she doesn't like it. I'm glad it is easier to live with your grandparents.
 
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