I don't know if I have a condition

Hi. I'm sorry to hear about your childhood. I know how you feel. My dad would get drunk,cheat on my mom and beat us because (we must have done something wrong because your lying ass mama won't tell me...) is what he would say to us. I lived in a household with 2 others sisters and 1 brother. All of us girls stayed in 1 bedroom and my brother got his own. My father never hit my brother...just us girls. My sisters and I would pray that we would be asleep before he got home or that he wouldn't come home at all. The truth is... as far as forgiving your abuser. ...that's never going to happen. My father will always be the reason I cried ,the reason I was afraid ,the reason why I am who I am today. I am a spineless jellyfish that don't know how to stick up for myself . When I started my job where I am at now people used to comment to me that every time someone got close to me or raised there voices a little.. I would raise up my arms like I was trying to protect my face. I never knew that. I suppose that was just a natural reaction for me. Didn't even think about it. The truth of the matter is that because they were who they were...we will always be a little insecure and untrusting of others. We will always carry that hate in our hearts for them. The best thing you can do is what I have done. First things first...confront your abuser and get answers. One of the problems that we the abused always have is that WE NEED CLOSER. We need to have some type of resolution. My father worked as a tree cutter and one day he almost cut his leg off, my mother begged us to come to the hospital so I did because I would do anything for her. My father talked to all of my siblings 1by1 and they all came out crying..when it was my turn...I went in ,he started to apologize and he was crying so hard and I couldn't. ..I couldn't cry for him ,and although I thought he was on his deathbed...I couldn't forgive him. I feel for you because I am you too. You should just try to move on with your life and yes...start talking about it. You don't need to keep this inside anymore. He was the ass hole and you need to stop paying for the rest of your life for what this no good selfish bastard did. See what i'm saying?

Concernedgal

shy girl said:

Since I was a child, my father used to beat my mother and beat me too. It happened so many times and I never concentrated in school because I assumed it happened in other families too. When my siblings were born, the mistreatment reduced a little.

The last time I was beaten by father was when I was 16 years old. I never talked to people in school and I was always sad. Everyone in school always said I was scared even if I did my best to hide it. I keep lying to myself that I have forgiven my parents but I can't forget all the bad memories.

They always blame me. My father regrets having me and he has told me many times when I was a child. It is hard to have friends because I don't know how to socialize with people. I have headache everyday. I find it hard to be happy. I don't know how to move on from the past.

My mother's sisters have also been mistreated by their husbands. It makes get scared of relationships because I don't want to have the same fate. It is so hard to think positively.

I have ever told someone how I feel and they suggested I buy antidepressant. I used them for one year and they helped me calm down and feel better but then I got addicted. I stopped using them but six months later, I started going back to my old self. Too sad and no sleep. I went to buy those medicines again but they kept asking for a prescription which I don't have. It is more than 5 years now and I don't know how to make myself feel better.

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Hello shygirl and welcome to our community. I can relate to what you are saying because I had a terribly sad childhood and it affected me in the same kind of way as it did you. You will never forget the bad memories, but you can try to put them out of your mind when they come. You may do well to go and see your doctor and he will give you meds that will suit your condition.

Back then my father gone drunk (he still does) and yelled at me and mum for bringing guests (girls to play with, my cousin - I was little and wanted to play with someone ) and made us cry. Though he never beaten us.. he only yells at mum for almost everything she does wrong (not intentionally ofc,). He is a selfish asshole but after all he is my father , despite the fact that we rarely talk and act like father And daughter. . but what yours did to you is unforgivable.... Haven't ur parents thought about a divorce..I mean I wouldn't say it's a good choice but after all the abuse who would love to get hurt ? Everyone would like to live happily. For your life, don't be sad about not having friends atm, imo there are many pros about it. The right ones will come with time and youll know it. Be brave, stay strong, go to a therapist if u don't feel better after taking to someone here with similar past or present . It helps me but idk about u. Feel free to express yourself here. Most of us had or are having bad times for which we need to talk somewhere

I have nothing to do with my father now. I have a husband that adores me a day we have been together for 19 years (no lie ) we got married in 2002. My life gets better day by day.