A question about hate

_Lukas · Sep 22, 2017

I'm sorry this happened, and I completely understand where you're coming from because I can't stand up for myself when people yell at me either. I usually go mute for a while when I've been yelled at, and then I go away to cry.

Do you have a supervisor or a manager who you are on good terms with who you could ask for help? Since you're worried about being labeled as a snitch (I would be too in that situation), you could just ask for help about a hypothetical and anonymous situation, you don't have to mention the person's name or even give a hint as to who she is. You can just generalize and say "What should I do if...?"

I don't blame you at all for starting to hate this person, I probably would too. I've had coworkers who bullied me and talked down to me and I had so much built-up rage towards them but I couldn't stand up to them because I'm not confrontational at all and I'm too shy and skittish to defend myself.

What this person is doing is wrong and hopefully someone who is in a position to do something about it will notice and she will get in trouble.

_Lukas · Sep 22, 2017

I hope you're able to find a solution, no matter what the solution is. And we're all here if you need to vent or just have someone to talk to.
I completely understand getting vengeful when angry. I sometimes feel like I want revenge too. And I also completely understand if you hate that girl because what she's doing to you is wrong and can be a source of a lot of stress and trauma.

_Lukas · Sep 23, 2017

I'm sorry this situation is hurting you so much

I wish there was something I could do.
Hopefully the talk with your supervisor goes well and things get sorted out soon. I do hope she gets transferred somewhere else. It shouldn't be too hard for the supervisor to see for themselves that she's the one who's in the wrong here. Keep us updated and I'll be thinking of you.

janemariesayed · Sep 23, 2017

Concernedgal said:
HI guys.. I need advice.
How do you deal with a coworker that's making your life hell.
I've tried ignoring her ,i've tried to ask if I did or said anything to make her angry at me.
I guess I could tell a manager or even human resources but, I don't want to be labeled a (snitch ).
Do you think if I ignore her she will stop?
A little back story.
It all happened about 2 weeks ago, I walked into work and she just started yelling at me and I walked away.
I have this weird thing where of you yell at me or confront me. ... it's literally like I temporarily go deaf. No lie guys .this is crazy so to be honest with you guys... she probably told me what was the matter but, the way she said it or shall we say ... her demeanor about the whole thing was just outrageous. So, I shut down. But, till this day ,she won't stop. Like today, I had to go get some supplies from the supply she'd so ,,I had no choice but to go into the back where she was located and get a cart because it was a lot of stuff to get and then she flew off the hand let because I told her I was getting the cart. It had nothing to do with us. I needed that damn cart. But, like usual.. she just yelled at me again. I don't like being yelled at because it brings up my past . It reminds me of my childhood and I turn into a spineless person. I can't really stand up for myself because I might get fired so what's a girl to do? Any suggestions? Desperate for answers guys. I'm starting to feel genuine hate for this girl.

I hope you do talk with your supervisor or manager because your work colleague is treating you very badly. Whatever her reasons she is not being humane and needs to be pulled up about it.

When I worked in a bakery one time, another staff member was always picking on me. She was an older lady approaching 70 and as much as I felt like hitting her or shouting back at her, I wouldn't because of her age. I'd tried talking with the managers but nothing changed. I talked to them again and they said they thought they had shown their appreciation of me by giving me a pay rise. But why should a pay rise mean I have to put up with bullying in the workplace?

That is what your colleague is doing. She is bullying you. She is not allowed to treat you that way. If you are doing something wrong and she has the upper hand to advise you on your job, then fair enough. But it should be done in a respectful way which she really is not doing.

I suggest talking to your superiors to get it sorted. They will probably have the both of you in the office to sort it out, but hopefully, that should work. If that doesn't work, then there will probably be a legal route you can take.

Good luck, I know this kind of treatment doesn't feel very nice. It may be an idea to inform your managers of your condition if they don't already know as this woman seems to be trying to push you over the edge.

janemariesayed · Sep 24, 2017

Concernedgal said:
I have been Google about that too. It said that of all attempts were made to make it right has failed... get documentation and Sue for harrasment. .... I might .

So make all the attempts to sort it out and if it doesn't work, then you have gone down all the right channels to sort it out. The good and the right will be on your side as it is this woman who is in the wrong. If you had to leave because she was detrimental to your health, then that is like attempted (you know what) If they know that this is what is happening then they would be guilty of knowingly risking your life. That is very naughty indeed. Imagine the compensation you would get!

janemariesayed · Sep 25, 2017

Concernedgal said:
Got that right.

And you could end up getting so much compensation! That would worry them.

I hope you manage to sort it out. I'm right beside you with coping with it. Stay strong and hold your head up.

Rinka · Sep 26, 2017

@Concernedgal have you been able to address the issue with anyone yet?

If not, I really think you should. Bullying in the work place should never happen and your managers have the responsibility to prevent and deal with such problems.
It should not been ignored.

janemariesayed · Sep 27, 2017

Concernedgal said:
I have consulted management. Lately she's been nice to me which is odd to me. How can you be a bitch to me 1 week and sweet as a kitten the other. Makes me think that she too... may be mentally ill or her home life is bad so she's got to take it out on someone and that someone may be me.

There you go, you've talked to the managers and they have had a word with her. It worked!

She was a bitch because of that's what she is like. She is being like a kitten now because she has been humbled.

janemariesayed · Sep 27, 2017

Concernedgal said:
Rolling in the dough. Lol. Time to fight back.. Lol

Ha ha ha, yes, and that could happen if she pushed you with your condition. And your managers! They would all be up the creek without a paddle! ha ha. At least now it seems to be sorted. Fingers crossed she stays being nice to you.

Rinka · Sep 27, 2017

Concernedgal said:
She's being nice again but, I am proceeding with caution. Some people (like pschopaths) like to lure you in with a false sense of security and then that make there move. I'm getting that vibe from her. Her niceness is just engenuine. It just doesn't feel right. Know what i'm saying?

Yes stay careful with her. You never know when she might turn on you. Ah might want to give you a false sense of security and then bam!!! stab in the back.

janemariesayed · Sep 28, 2017

Concernedgal said:
She's being nice again but, I am proceeding with caution. Some people (like pschopaths) like to lure you in with a false sense of security and then that make there move. I'm getting that vibe from her. Her niceness is just engenuine. It just doesn't feel right. Know what i'm saying?

Yes, I know what you are saying. @Rinka may be right and if she is vengeful she may plan to stab you in the back. Make sure you do your job well and she won't have anything on you. I would say keep your distance from her if you can, but I expect you are already doing that.

A question about hate

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