Overly Sensitive

Oh lord do i. I made an aqantance at work and she's talking against me now to others and i'am taking that really hard. I thought that people were not supposed to care aboutwhat others thought of us. It's like... you were an aqantance, why do I care about wht you think of me so much?

A friend told me recently that my problem stems from the fact that I care. Despite the life and issues I need to deal with, the problem is that I care. If I didn't care none of it would matter. I would just get on with my life and selfishly not care. Well, I'm not selfish, and those of us who do care, are not selfish. We are considerate and we care! I don't want to stop caring, I want to find another way to deal with how others think of me.

I feel the same as you @Rosyrain when someone tells me off. I feel as though I've done nothing right. But people don't say to us 'well done' when we do something right. All that goes un-noticed. It normally stays in my mind for weeks when this kind of thing happens with me.

Last summer I visited my family for a weeks holiday. We were playing a card game at the table and the conversation was not flowing well. I decided to start a conversation while we were playing the game all sat around the table. After I had talked for about two minutes, my Mom started to talk to my Auntie sitting opposite her. This wasn't a problem for me. I have been in situations before where there are lots of conversations going on between a number of people sitting around the same table. I just finished my sentence and stopped talking but the reaction from my family I will never forget. All of them started having a go at me for talking. I apologised three times and they just carried on having a go at me. I was never forgiven. Now, when I am in their company like that again, believe me, I will keep my mouth completely shut. As I didn't know that I wasn't allowed to speak if my Mom starts. I didn't know that rule. She even denies that I was speaking in the first place! Still, I apologised even though I never interrupted her. This happened last summer and it has still stayed with me. I know I am over-sensitive, but I care - and that is a good thing.

So if you are sensitive, it means that you care. We are the gooduns' in this world. Stay caring, but don't let them get you down. Later on, when you are on your own, think to yourself about the situation. You know in your hearts that you were not in the wrong. It is them that was in the wrong. In that sense, you can get on with the rest of your week and not think about it again. Or you know that you can avoid that person. I am going to do my best to avoid that weekly summer break atMoms because of what happened. Yet if I do have to go I will be keeping my mouth tightly closed and only speak when I'm spoken to. They really did hurt my feelings.

It even seemed to be a bit catty, as I noticed out of my peripheral vision that they were making faces at each other beforehand. This family gave me away when I was a toddler, and it seems to me that they are still against me for the same reason they gave me away.

@Concernedgal can you speak to your boss about your work colleague? She obviously thinks she has something against you. She is busying herself with your life. Perhaps tell her that she has your undying pity and support for her true problem. Offer to help her find a great shrink and if she needs someone to come with her to hold her hand then you would be very happy to offer yours. If you were to say something like that to her, in front of everyone, she would feel very embarrassed and it would show you to be strong and uncaring, despite how you really feel. She is a bully, and bullies have huge mental problems.

I have spoken to my boss. She agreed to schedule the 2 of us on on different days. She felt it necessary to keep us away from each other. We will see how that goes. And your are a very good oerson@janemariesayed. And you have such a good point when you say that we may be sensitive because we care. If anything though... we may care too much.

No it wasn'tyour fault. That guy was just a jerk.

Concernedgal said:

I have spoken to my boss. She agreed to schedule the 2 of us on on different days. She felt it necessary to keep us away from each other. We will see how that goes. And your are a very good oerson@janemariesayed. And you have such a good point when you say that we may be sensitive because we care. If anything, though... we may care too much.

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It was a friend who said that I was caring. I've been told it before as well, and I know that I am caring. It was only recently, though, that a friend said it was actually my problem. I agree with him as well, after he explained himself I could understand. Not just me, but all of us who are sensitive. I'm not a crybaby, I'm not weak either. But I am sensitive and that sensitivity can cause me to react emotionally or angrily. I can take things personally when they are not meant personally. I realised that I do actually care. I do care what others think of me. Even if they are not thinking of me the way I think they are thinking of me. I have it in my head that they think badly of me, probably because I think badly of myself. I blame myself for the abuse I suffered as a child and it has stayed with me. This is what I am going to work on with the shrink. I know I was a victim, and I know it wasn't my fault. At least on the conscious level. It's deep down, when someone treats me badly, deep down I think I deserve it. That is what hurts. We sensitive caring people think somehow we deserve it.

@Rosyrain I'm in agreement with @Concernedgal the guy was just a jerk. Don't let him get to you. Surely there were others in that queue that saw it all, and surely those same people would have thought that he was a jerk too!

I feel that society has become more brash, and people can offend when they don't mean to. It does take thick skin to survive in this world and I make no excuse for those who are 'rude' or get away with being less than polite.

While I realize that we can idealize about what and how people should behave in public, in recent times (the last decade) people have become less sensitive to others feelings. If we look at the current US President, if he can publicly ridicule people and mock them then what message does that send to others who aren't so bright and think that kind of behavior is acceptable. Things were very different in the 60s and 70s where manners were instilled, and rude comments were not tolerated and were deemed the behavior of the debased sector of society.

One must live among all kinds, and having lived in the UK and US it really depends on where you live. To survive in London in the UK you need thick skin, as people can be rude and it's normal. Then living in a rural village in Vermont, people are very different to those in New York City. As I get older, I adapt and let things go because you choose to ignore them and realize they are doing it to make themselves feel better, and not to retaliate unless absolutely necessary.

Isn't it sad though? It's like a mortal sin to be polite now a days. Just today there's was a new Comer here where I work and he was hungry and didn't have any money, so I gave him some money so he could have something. He had asked at least 2 people before me and they gave him a dirty look. He didn't even have to ask.... I just gave him the money.I just don't understand why the world is so harsh now.

Concernedgal said:

Isn't it sad though? It's like a mortal sin to be polite now a days. Just today there's was a new Comer here where I work and he was hungry and didn't have any money, so I gave him some money so he could have something. He had asked at least 2 people before me and they gave him a dirty look. He didn't even have to ask.... I just gave him the money.I just don't understand why the world is so harsh now.

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People can be like sheep and follow what others do, and so when they see parents, peers or others being less than polite and getting away with it, they think it's acceptable. Social media is a prime example when people write falsehoods and rude comments and they aren't deleted. By not deleting them the site is saying inadvertently it's okay, forget free speech, one needs to lead by example.

It's not wrong to be polite or to be sensitive, but people are supposed to take things on the chin even if it's rude and it's not right, but society has made it so. It has made unacceptable behavior okay, and until people stop and tell others it isn't it will carry on.

Rosyrain said:

I find that my anxiety causes me to be overly sensitive to people, how I interpret what they say to me, and my feelings about being around others.

As an example, when I get negative feedback from my boss at work, I often feel horrible, and that nothing I do is ever right. I am not sure if it is his attitude toward me or if I am really doing that bad of a job. I sometimes feel the same way interacting with random people. Does anyone else have this issue?

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I definitely do this to a certain extent, thought not as bad as in the past. I used to be devastated when someone thought negatively of me.

I've since learned what other people think of me is their own business. It still bothers me when people think negatively of me.

But their opinions aren't in my control. And besides, I'm much happier when I let go of what others think.

Yeah, I'm still sensitive and get bothered at times. But that's my problem. Not someone else's.

And I can take actions on my problems. I can talk about them with others. I can let go of the negative thinking and choose to focus on something better.

I can wish well for the other person, even if they wish me harm. Plus, I can set boundaries with them when they're not being nice.

All healthy stuff that builds my confidence. I'm still a little sensitive. But I'm working on being less so each day.

And you're right...it's good to have a certain amount of sensitivity, or at least awareness about the thoughts and feelings of others. Selfishly not caring just isn't the right approach.

I am extremely sensitive to how other people feel about me. I am always watching my co-workers at work and trying to figure out what they are thinking and if they think that I'm doing a horrible job. It's so hard to work that way. I also get very hurt and upset if people say something that I perceive as critical.

I am very sensitive especially when it comes to my social anxiety. I take things personally, and hold on to all the things that have hurt or upset me.

I'm the same. I am very sensitive, always take things personally and always feel like people are against me.


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FullOfWorries said:

I'm the same. I am very sensitive, always take things personally and always feel like people are against me.

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I'm the same exact way. I'm also sensitive to other peoples' feelings, and animals too. My fiance and I watched a movie the other day and it wasn't a particularly sad story but I felt everything the characters felt and I was sobbing by the end of it.