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So much fear...

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ryn079

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Good afternoon everyone.

After having my kidney removed due to cancer last November, I have been living in fear, fear of cancer.

I'm undergoing immunotherapy, last bloods taken 3 weeks ago were good. But I have during the past two days feel tired legs and some soreness in sole of feet together with tingling/ numbness and I am so lost thinking it's cancer again.

I'm a mess.
 
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MARCC

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It is understandable that you worry. I have had a very small tumor in my left eye for many years and I go to a retina specialist every six months to monitor it. It is benign for now, but it could turn to cancer down the road. The tumor can't be removed as they are afraid it would damage my eyesight. If it turns to cancer, they would try to radiate it or remove my eye, which would not be good to say the least. I try not to think about it, but at times it is difficult. I would tell your concerns to your physician and see what they have to say. i hope you feel better soon.
 
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ryn079

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MARCC said:
It is understandable that you worry. I have had a very small tumor in my left eye for many years and I go to a retina specialist every six months to monitor it. It is benign for now, but it could turn to cancer down the road. The tumor can't be removed as they are afraid it would damage my eyesight. If it turns to cancer, they would try to radiate it or remove my eye, which would not be good to say the least. I try not to think about it, but at times it is difficult. I would tell your concerns to your physician and see what they have to say. i hope you feel better soon.
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Thanks for your reply.

Tomorrow I will have results of more bloodwork, as this is taken every three weeks. Also I have an immunotherapy round. Most probably my fears are unfounded as my cancer was contained, but I am always uneasy. It's like my worst nightmare came through and I'm still in shock.
 
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MARCC

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I agree with you that any serious diagnosis can make you feel very uneasy. I wish there was more I could say to help you, but the very positive thing is that the cancer was contained and did not metastasize.
 
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blueberries

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You've been through a lot and it's very understandable that you're afraid the cancer has come back. But remember our fears don't equal reality. Like you, a friend of mine had a kidney removed due to cancer. It was about 6-8 years ago and he is fine today, no recurrence that I'm aware of. Is it possible the immunotherapy could be causing the side effects in your legs and feet?
I hope all goes well for you with your blood work tomorrow.
 
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Missy

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Have you tried any therapy, such as cancer support groups? Have you expressed your fears to your doctor?
 
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ryn079

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I would like to thanks whoever tried to make me feel better. I have blood work again this Wednesday, immunotherapy on Monday and routine ultrasound checkup on Tuesday. And I am really anxious and frightened. Hope everything will be ok.
 
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ryn079

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Well, got my blood test results, all seems ok although my white blood cells are low compared to my usual readings, but still well within range. I also had a positive outcome on my kidney ultrasound, everything was ok. I stil feel worried and.habe unusual sadness and.fear.today.
 
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Phillies Phan

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ryn079 said:
Well, got my blood test results, all seems ok although my white blood cells are low compared to my usual readings, but still well within range. I also had a positive outcome on my kidney ultrasound, everything was ok. I stil feel worried and.habe unusual sadness and.fear.today.
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One day at a time my friend. So far all is going great for you health wise, other than your mental health. While no one can predict the future, you have to admit you’re off to a great start. Odds are very high you will never see the likes of any related problems, and in the strongly off chance you do, the regular testing routine you go through will allow you to address that very early.
 
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ryn079

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Phillies Phan said:
One day at a time my friend. So far all is going great for you health wise, other than your mental health. While no one can predict the future, you have to admit you’re off to a great start. Odds are very high you will never see the likes of any related problems, and in the strongly off chance you do, the regular testing routine you go through will allow you to address that very early.
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Thanks a lot for your thoughts. I am currently in full panic mode as I have the soles of my feet tingling/aching/numb and I am thinking it must be C in my spine. I just can't be positive and relaxed.......
 
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Phillies Phan

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Classic anxiety symptom. You’ll keep getting them until you are able to accept what happened, and accept that everything is going to be OK. Take a look at anxietycentre.com which explains the science behind how the mind reacts to both short and long term stress. This site has been a lifesaver for me on several occasions.
 
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Jonathan123

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Phillies Phan said:
Classic anxiety symptom. You’ll keep getting them until you are able to accept what happened, and accept that everything is going to be OK. Take a look at anxietycentre.com which explains the science behind how the mind reacts to both short and long term stress. This site has been a lifesaver for me on several occasions.
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Yes, 'anxietycentre.com' is an excellent site. But it is as well to bear in mind that everyone on there has been through the anxiety mill. All their counsellors have so they do know what they are on about.
Even when we get good news it still seems that the anxiety goes on. Why? Because it has become a habit. You could say that our body is more comfortable in anxiety than being 'normal'. We can get used to anxiety so that we expect to feel anxious when things don't go well. It's as if the mind is stuck on certain ways of thinking like the old gramophone records would get stuck in a groove and go on playing the same notes over and over. Yes indeed! Acceptance is still the answer as it always is. We may say it's not for me, I tried it and it doesn't work. How long did you persevere? It's not a 'quick fix' by any means. But what have we to lose? It cost nothing and has been proven over and over that it works, given time. Patience is not a virtue many have in anxiety. We want to get well yesterday but it doesn't work that way. 'When in a hole stop digging'. But do we stop? We need to face the fact it will take time, then accept it all without fighting or struggling.
 
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ryn079

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Jonathan123 said:
Yes, 'anxietycentre.com' is an excellent site. But it is as well to bear in mind that everyone on there has been through the anxiety mill. All their counsellors have so they do know what they are on about.
Even when we get good news it still seems that the anxiety goes on. Why? Because it has become a habit. You could say that our body is more comfortable in anxiety than being 'normal'. We can get used to anxiety so that we expect to feel anxious when things don't go well. It's as if the mind is stuck on certain ways of thinking like the old gramophone records would get stuck in a groove and go on playing the same notes over and over. Yes indeed! Acceptance is still the answer as it always is. We may say it's not for me, I tried it and it doesn't work. How long did you persevere? It's not a 'quick fix' by any means. But what have we to lose? It cost nothing and has been proven over and over that it works, given time. Patience is not a virtue many have in anxiety. We want to get well yesterday but it doesn't work that way. 'When in a hole stop digging'. But do we stop? We need to face the fact it will take time, then accept it all without fighting or struggling.
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Thanks a lot! Really needed this post.
 
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MARCC

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Anyone who has had cancer, or any serious illness can worry at some point, so don't be too hard on yourself. For example, I have had a very small benign tumor in my left eye for years. It is monitored every six months by a retina specialist. There is a very small chance it could turn to melanoma which would not be very good news for me at all. The tumor can't be removed as it would damage my eyesight in that eye. I won't lie and say I don't think about it sometimes and I feel the Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head. I try to live my life the best way that I can.
 
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ryn079

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Went to oncology today for the usual review and had some blood taken. I had asked oncologist not to delay a CT scan and he told me today we should be getting one soon.

From that moment on, I went in full sadness mode. Doc asked if I had shortness of breath and I started worrying as that could be a sign of lung cancer and kidney cancer could go there. So now I'm in a vicious worry cycle.
 
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Will Power

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I would be anxious if in your situation. I get anxious over much smaller matters than that
 
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ryn079

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Today I had my 7th cycle of immunothery. Last week blood results were good. But I'm a mess. I clench my teeth on the right side and my neck is hurting on that side besides the sensation of fullness in my ear. I'm convinced I have something in my ear/head even though I have had this feeling since June 2021. I also feel sleepy and I'm just freaking out.
 
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Phillies Phan

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Ryn, at some point you must accept all of this. Accept the fact that you had kidney cancer, but also accept that it was treated early and you are cured. Accept that you will have to undergo occasional blood tests, imaging, etc. Accept that most likely, you will never have any complications from your situation, and also accept that in the off chance you do, it will be discovered very early when it’s easily treated.

Your alternative to these acceptances is lifelong fear. You can’t do that to yourself. I assume you have people that love you, and you can’t do that to them. If you haven’t done so already, set up an appointment to meet with your doctor simply to explain your fears and get some feedback. Finally, think about treating the condition that you do now have…anxiety.
 
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