coping with insecurity

I worry constantly about how people feel about me. I dont know why I let it bother me because I have an amazing family and friends. Feel free to send me some tips.

I also used to be socially insecure / awkward, for reasons I've never discovered. It took a whole lot of courage and effort, but I'm finally past that. I've never been a social butterfly, but I no longer hesitate to make small talk with strangers, or meet new people, and I no longer feel awkward and anxious when doing so. I just wish I knew why I was ever that way. Maybe because even as a kid I never cared for making a lot of friends, going to parties, etc. Perhaps I simply never learned, at a young age, how to be comfortable in social situations.

My insecurities were never about physical appearance. It was more about I didn't want to make a fool of myself. I've since stopped caring. I don't care if someone laughs at me, whether out of fun or being a total prick. I'll laugh with them, whatever their intentions. Doesn't bother me anymore.

I used to be very insecure, but as I've got older I care less and less about what people think of me. I think that's quite common. It's very liberating.

Insecurity is my middle name and coping with it the thing I do and don’t. I relate to the experience of being carefree sometimes and insecure at other times. When I feel secure, it’s a huge relief and the feeling of lightness… When I’m insecure, it’s about my looks (too many things to list) and/or about making a fool of myself in front of others. I often don’t know in beforehand, which will it be, the feeling of security or of insecurity. Though I know certain social situations bring out the insecurity more often than others. But they are always social situation. I’m not insecure by myself.

For me, things that help with changing insecurity to security are the things that get me “grounded” (the word I’ve been hearing from psychologists). I’ve been making a list about things that make me happy or lift my spirits. And those are the things that also bring on the feeling of security, going into social situations (that always bring out anxiety). Too many things to list here, but to list some of them: Listening to music, imagining roots growing from my feet deep into the Earth, jumping and shaking hands and feet (preferably to music), cooking something tasty, creating an honest talk with someone (can also be with self), petting dogs or horses, hearing children be happy (there’s a kindergarten outside my apartment), brewing a good coffee, going for a jog or doing some other sport-type-thing, painting, making music, writing, sleeping, listening to guided meditations… The list goes on. It might sound weird that I list these things as something that changes anxiety into positive thoughts, but they do that for me. I’ve noticed that as I try to fill my life with things that I love, the social, anxiety-filled situations get easier to cope with, as they are perhaps kind of balanced by things I happen to love. I don’t know about you, but for me the social anxiety kind of goes on, even though I’m alone. I seem to cling to the anxiety that I feel in those situations and continue to go back to them and to that feeling when the social situation is done and I’m alone again. So, for me, the challenge has been to reduce the clinging to the past and worrying about the future (social situations). By concentrating on the here and now. I might quote here the Ram Dass book Be Here Now, if I didn’t have the memory of it being pictures and text mixed. And I don’t wish to do a copyright infringement. B)

The thing I find wonderful, imsotired, is you telling us that you’re able to differentiate between what is the real you and what is not. That’s a sick skill and I would love some advice on that as that is something I’ve yet to learn!

When I was in counselling one of the many things was just that. Insecurity!! But let's face it, life IS insecure. That's another one for acceptance. My dear old counsellor once said to me that if someone criticises you or makes remarks about you there are certain things to do. Do you trust their opinion? Are they worthy of credence? If not, forget it. If, however you respect their opinion then listen. Now supposing someone says you are mean with money. It may be a friend or relative whom you trust. Thank them for pointing it out but go away and think about it. No anger or annoyance. After careful thought, and being really honest with yourself you find it's true, thank them for taking the trouble to ;point it out, and set about correcting it. If, on the other hand, you feel it is untrue, and after being honest with yourself, then thank them again, but say you think they are incorrect. Criticism inevitably causes anger. Not many of us like being criticised. But does it really matter what others think provided you are happy in yourself about your actions? Insecurity is born of fear. Another aspect of Mr. Anxiety's box of tricks.