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just a quck qustion ?

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imsotired

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hey guys have any of you ever felt that you want to go out and meet new people and think they will not like you. i came up with a quote that says 'you never know unless you try'. most of the time i just find it intimidating to go up to people and start conversations. do u have any tips on how i overcome that

thanks
 
bin_tenn

bin_tenn

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The only tip I have is to just do it. Work in small steps. Strike up conversation with someone you don't know very well, but you're at least somewhat familiar with. Then work your way up to complete strangers. It's essentially exposure therapy.

Along with the old "you never know unless you try", I like to say "you fail 100% of the time if you don't try." Same concept, but IMO a little more powerful.
 
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imsotired

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bin_tenn said:
The only tip I have is to just do it. Work in small steps. Strike up conversation with someone you don't know very well, but you're at least somewhat familiar with. Then work your way up to complete strangers. It's essentially exposure therapy.

Along with the old "you never know unless you try", I like to say "you fail 100% of the time if you don't try." Same concept, but IMO a little more powerful.
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thankyou ye you definitley dont know till you try
 
Cuchculan

Cuchculan

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Considering all your dreams of making contact with this girl you saw on some site, are we now skipping her? She is not the one you want to make contact with? i am assuming this is real people in the real world. Case of don't overdo it. Talk, but be willing to listen as well. A bit of back and forth. You, them, you, them. But have things you can talk about. Other than the weather. First time meeting them? Music. Or others common things most people share an interest in. Never keep it all about yourself. You don't want to bore them. You want to hear about them too.
 
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imsotired

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Cuchculan said:
Considering all your dreams of making contact with this girl you saw on some site, are we now skipping her? She is not the one you want to make contact with? i am assuming this is real people in the real world. Case of don't overdo it. Talk, but be willing to listen as well. A bit of back and forth. You, them, you, them. But have things you can talk about. Other than the weather. First time meeting them? Music. Or others common things most people share an interest in. Never keep it all about yourself. You don't want to bore them. You want to hear about them too.
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im sorry but an we just leave that situation out of this problem. if you want you can give me advice on that post if you want but i have got in unercontrol. thankyou
 
Cuchculan

Cuchculan

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Don't blame me. I simply read your posts. It can get confusing. If we are talking about the same thing or a different thing.
 
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imsotired

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Cuchculan said:
Don't blame me. I simply read your posts. It can get confusing. If we are talking about the same thing or a different thing.
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isnt that what this forum is for. helping people and giving advice to them from what they are struggling with. im sorry that you gt confused its never my intention to do so but why does it matter if whatever i post doesn't add up or make sense. i am just simply posting whatever i am struggling with right at that moment with no regards to if it makes sense or not. BTW thank you that you read my posts and comment on them! :)

also im sorry but can you just focus on the thing that i post, not other ones please? thank-you
if you find my posts too confusing you dont have to answer them if you dont want too.
 
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Cuchculan

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Now I am frightened. :p

As I said above, have thing ready that you can talk about. Various things. So you won't run out of things to talk about. You can talk a bit about yourself. But only a bit. If we talk too much about ourselves, the other person will lose all interest. So make sure to talk about them too. Asking a few questions about what they like to do.
 
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imsotired

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Cuchculan said:
Considering all your dreams of making contact with this girl you saw on some site, are we now skipping her? She is not the one you want to make contact with? i am assuming this is real people in the real world. Case of don't overdo it. Talk, but be willing to listen as well. A bit of back and forth. You, them, you, them. But have things you can talk about. Other than the weather. First time meeting them? Music. Or others common things most people share an interest in. Never keep it all about yourself. You don't want to bore them. You want to hear about them too.
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thankyou for leaving your advice. but if you have nothing nice to say about my posting dont reply on my posts at all. just telling you the comment that you made "Considering all your dreams about making contact with the girl you saw on some site. she is not the only one you wanna make contact with rlly hurt my feelings and i also suffer from anxiety which most of the times am good at handling these situations but i also have my slip ups.

how old are you i am just curious?
 
Cuchculan

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You are not actually quoting what I really said. I asked was this about that same girl. I never said anything about her been the only one you want to make contact with. I simply asked was her we are talking about. But to hell with her and you. I will ignore you and your posts.
 
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imsotired

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Cuchculan said:
You are not actually quoting what I really said. I asked was this about that same girl. I never said anything about her been the only one you want to make contact with. I simply asked was her we are talking about. But to hell with her and you. I will ignore you and your posts.
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you specifically said ' considering all your dreams are about making contact with this girl you saw on some site. are we skipping her now" which hurt my feelings. the things i said on that post, i was struggling with was quite fresh to me on top of other things i am dealing with. Also it makes me think that i should have some order to the way i post but honestly why it doesn't even matter i can post what i want and whether it is relevant to my recent post or not.
 
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Imsotired, I think you over reacted. Cuch was trying to figure out what was going on with your situation to better help you and you took it the wrong way. When a person cross posts, of course others are reading and remembering what other posts you have made. He was trying to figure out what you were actually posting about. I saw nothing wrong with the initial post. You are here to get some help, so be ready to receive constructive or clarifying comments, etc. when on a public forum. If you don’t agree with something said, asking for clarification might be a better way to go. If you react with others you are interested in being friends with like you did with Cuch, you really won’t get far making friends. Let my comment be for your betterment, understand you are highly sensitive and it isn’t beneficial when amongst new friends. Remember you are as good as anyone else but not better than anyone else ( my personal motto btw). You have value as a person as does everyone. Keep these two truth statements in mind while you work at your new goal.
 
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In anxiety we can all get touchy and irritable. It does not do much for good relations.
Tolerance and empathy are so important. Tolerance is understanding and accepting ideas that you may not agree with, but respect the person's right to have them. Empathy is 'entering into the suffering of others as if it were your own'.
 
Doug97

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imsotired said:
hey guys have any of you ever felt that you want to go out and meet new people and think they will not like you. i came up with a quote that says 'you never know unless you try'. most of the time i just find it intimidating to go up to people and start conversations. do u have any tips on how i overcome that

thanks
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Yes I often worry that new people might not like me. But I don't worry about it as much as I did when I was younger. I'm more comfortable in my own skin now, and just think that if someone doesn't like me, well then they don't like me. I find that worrying less about it allows me to relax and just be myself. Ironically I've found that that actually makes it more likely that people will think I'm alright!
 
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Jonathan123 said:
In anxiety we can all get touchy and irritable. It does not do much for good relations.
Tolerance and empathy are so important. Tolerance is understanding and accepting ideas that you may not agree with, but respect the person's right to have them. Empathy is 'entering into the suffering of others as if it were your own'.
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Tolerance can also be used as self restraint. If we know we are touchy and irritable, we can use that information to control our responses to others that may hostile or hurtful.
 
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imsotired said:
you specifically said ' considering all your dreams are about making contact with this girl you saw on some site. are we skipping her now" which hurt my feelings. the things i said on that post, i was struggling with was quite fresh to me on top of other things i am dealing with. Also it makes me think that i should have some order to the way i post but honestly why it doesn't even matter i can post what i want and whether it is relevant to my recent post or not.
Click to expand...
Cuch is 98 but has the brain of a young man. Your loss
 
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