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Really struggling :(

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Pandanae

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Having a really rough couple days/nights. I've been up all night, and I'm feeling terrible. I'm not sure what really triggered it, but my anxiety has been really out of control lately (constant anxious/intrusive thoughts, jumpy, poor stomach, sleeplessness). I been worrying constantly, and the lack of sleep this week isn't helping. As I've written before, I have a really bad fear of becoming schizophrenic. My mom has it (Thankfully Mild), and I'm scared of developing it. Anytime a weird thought pops in my head I end up focusing on it and I worry. Sometimes its like my mind likes to make up thoughts just so I'll worry. "What if this happens?", "That thought/image was really strange and scary. What if I start believing it, or start seeing things that aren't true". It's tiring, and it makes it hard to focus. It's frustrating because for awhile I felt like things were improving, and now it just feels like a major set back. It's terrifying because it feels like I'm losing my mind...:( any advice how to deal or cope with it?
 
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suzzeeb

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I so wish I could help you or give you some advice that would make you feel better. I am going through the same thing, though, and have slowly gotten to a very bad place. Not the same fear, but same intensity. I know all the months of fear and worry have now made me depressed. The not sleeping really is an issue for me. It has been for a while, but once I get to this state it's worse, which adds to the anxiety and depression. I'm exhausted all the time and can barely do the things I need to do anymore.

It's easy to tell someone going through it that the fear likely will never happen, but almost impossible for the person to get it out of their head. I feel the same way you do that my mind makes up stuff to worry about, but I can't understand why that would be. I'm so, so, tired of it all.

It would help if we could tell ourselves even if what we fear happened we would deal with it, but I think that's just super hard to do.

I'm currently on Klonopin to help with sleep, and that's actually my fear at the moment, that I have become dependent to the point I will never be able to get off of it and all the horror stories that go along with that, so that's all I think about, and yet I get so anxious if I don't take it (which also makes me believe I'm dependent on it). I tried an antidepressant a few weeks ago but the side effects scared me too so I stopped taking it, but I think I'm going to try that again and really try to stay on it. People say it can change your life for the better, and with my history of anxiety I really should see if it will help and just suffer through the first weeks or month of side effects.

I hope you find some way to deal with what you are going through and find relief soon.
 
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Pandanae

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Thank you so much for the response. I don't like the idea of medication either. I know it helps a lot of people though, so it wouldn't hurt to still consider it. I'm on a very low dose of paxil..only about 4mgs..so it's super super low. I won't take more than that because of the same fears as you. I won't go off it completely because I'm afried that going off it will make things worse. I been on it ahwile. I won't take more for fear of what taking a antidepressant might do. It isn't always positive. I also take melatonin to help me sleep. It works a lot of the time, but some nights it doesn't. If your still struggling with sleep sometimes watching funny videos, or setting down some time to just breath and ground yourself throughout the day really helps. It doesn't always work, but sometimes just doing something positive, or giving your mind a chance to reflect on your worry to see it in a new more realistic light can help. It's hard to do when your really panicked, but sometimes it can make things feel less intense.
 
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suzzeeb

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I wish my doctor would let me stay on a low antidepressant dose. He's always in such a hurry to raise the dose and then the side effects get so bad I quit taking it. I have been doing meditations and deep breathing every day but I think I'm just so bad right now it's not doing a lot to help.

Thank you for the advice. I know I need to try something else for sleep and slowly get away from the Klonopin.
 
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imsotired

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oh my gosh its terrible i have felt that way before. what i do is i think of the halt acronym which is hungry, lonely or tired. it took me a while to get but eventually got it. being self aware is a great way to cope-prevents me for getting stressed and having bad days. whenever i had a bad day i would get very discouraged. for me i remember that sometimes we have bad moment and can always bounce back. "its not how hard you can hits, it how hard you can get hit". sometimes just even getting out of bed and making your bed and bring light into your room changes everything.

i would also suggest talking to someone about it. journaling or what i do is i write a letter to that someone or thing that your mad at and crumble it up throwing it in the bin.

importantly, be kind to yourself like push yourself but know your limits.
self awareness is key

hope this helps
 
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Pandanae

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imsotired said:
oh my gosh its terrible i have felt that way before. what i do is i think of the halt acronym which is hungry, lonely or tired. it took me a while to get but eventually got it. being self aware is a great way to cope-prevents me for getting stressed and having bad days. whenever i had a bad day i would get very discouraged. for me i remember that sometimes we have bad moment and can always bounce back. "its not how hard you can hits, it how hard you can get hit". sometimes just even getting out of bed and making your bed and bring light into your room changes everything.

i would also suggest talking to someone about it. journaling or what i do is i write a letter to that someone or thing that your mad at and crumble it up throwing it in the bin.

importantly, be kind to yourself like push yourself but know your limits.
self awareness is key

hope this helps
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Thank you! I never thought about letting natural light in the room. I do sometimes try to go for walks, but when I'm feeling icky I don't always get a lot of sunlight.
 
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imsotired

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Pandanae said:
Thank you! I never thought about letting natural light in the room. I do sometimes try to go for walks, but when I'm feeling icky I don't always get a lot of sunlight.
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ayye no worries at all. thats what im here for xo
 
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imsotired

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Pandanae said:
Thank you! I never thought about letting natural light in the room. I do sometimes try to go for walks, but when I'm feeling icky I don't always get a lot of sunlight.
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i know its harder said than done but sometimes we just have to force ourselves to get up which might turn turn your whole day but of course know your limits. also my psychologist told me that Dont put to much pressure on yourself(move too fast) and do things at your own pace.
when i was in a place where everything was so bad, my mum was encouraging me to get out i didnt wasnt to sometimes i was pleasing my mum and also i felt scared what would happen if i didn't. Now i dont even think about it, i just get up and go. i believe that you will get there. it might just take a bit of time but you can do it! also i suggest that making a conscious effort to get better goes long way alongside with time.
also you could journal or write letter to that someone or thing you are mad at read it and then crumble it up and throw it in the bin( not sure if that will work for you but it does for me) also i sing-i try. singing is a great thing as it releases endorphins
what i also do is listen to my body and if my body it telling me to do something, i have to do it straight away otherwise i get irritated.

most importantly at the end of the day it is your journey but always remember to be kind to yourself :)
have a great day/night

sorry if my sentances dont flow that well
 
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imsotired

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when you say, im not rlly sure what triggered it I watched this youtube vid along time ago which stated the halt acronym h stands for hunger, a=angry, l=lonely, t=tired. this could maybe solve the problem but if it doesn't just refer to my reply above.

have a good day!
hi sorry its me again!.
just a quick question. is it okay if I write this in my note book? I want to be a psychologist/counsellor and some people think that they are alone-suffering in silence and also to show real life examples showing that everyone has their own issues?
 
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Pandanae

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imsotired said:
when you say, im not rlly sure what triggered it I watched this youtube vid along time ago which stated the halt acronym h stands for hunger, a=angry, l=lonely, t=tired. this could maybe solve the problem but if it doesn't just refer to my reply above.

have a good day!
hi sorry its me again!.
just a quick question. is it okay if I write this in my note book? I want to be a psychologist/counsellor and some people think that they are alone-suffering in silence and also to show real life examples showing that everyone has their own issues?
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Go ahead. If it can help others I don't mind.
 
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imsotired

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since I has written your response down now I can understand it better haha.
when you said I have a fear of becoming and developing schizophrenia, the only advice I can give you is if you can try not to think about it too much bc it may not even happen. im not sure if you are seeing a therapist atm but It is good to talk to someone about our problems. I just researched if there is a way to prevent developing schizophrenia and unfortunately there is no way to prevent it as it has something t do with your genes and runs in families.
maybe try this:
whenever I have a problem, I write my problem done in my journal and go from there. even if I don't journal I find tating a candle lit bath or a shower rlly helps or sometimes I write letters to that someone or thing that's making me mad and not sending it.
practising gratitude helps me a lot.
my psycologist and also my mum haha told me take everyday one step at a time. cutting things into smaller chuncks is a lot easier than looking at one whole big picture- which I need to remind myself to do at times

remember to surround yourself with positive people and im here for you if you need to talk privately
stay strong it will all be okay.
 
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imsotired

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along with your fear, it also helps to be aware of the thing we can control and what we cant. if its withing our genes then it is very unlikely we can solve but we can take medication to help the severity and frequency of it. if i was in your situation what i would do is i would practise/do gratidude each day and make the most of each day. it is true that we dont know what could happen at any second-hope that made scene. so make the most of what you have!
 
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Pandanae

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imsotired said:
along with your fear, it also helps to be aware of the thing we can control and what we cant. if its withing our genes then it is very unlikely we can solve but we can take medication to help the severity and frequency of it. if i was in your situation what i would do is i would practise/do gratidude each day and make the most of each day. it is true that we dont know what could happen at any second-hope that made scene. so make the most of what you have!
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Well I just now tried setting up a consultation with a psychiatrist, so now just waiting for them to get back to me. Things feel slightly better today, and I feel a lot better knowing I did that. I had a bad experience with the first person I tried seeing awhile back. They tried to push me to up my dose of medication without really addressing my concerns and anxiety over it. They never even tried to discuss anything that was going on with me. I felt all they wanted to do was medicate me without really trying to deal with the reasons why my mental health issues started in the first place. I only saw them twice, and backed out. I feel if they got to know me better and actually developed a positive relationship with me first I'd be more open to things. I'm hoping things will work out better this with other person I messaged.
 
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imsotired

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Pandanae said:
Well I just now tried setting up a consultation with a psychiatrist, so now just waiting for them to get back to me. Things feel slightly better today, and I feel a lot better knowing I did that. I had a bad experience with the first person I tried seeing awhile back. They tried to push me to up my dose of medication without really addressing my concerns and anxiety over it. They never even tried to discuss anything that was going on with me. I felt all they wanted to do was medicate me without really trying to deal with the reasons why my mental health issues started in the first place. I only saw them twice, and backed out. I feel if they got to know me better and actually developed a positive relationship with me first I'd be more open to things. I'm hoping things will work out better this with other person I messaged.
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its rlly good that yoou are feeling better today, well done fr setting up a consultation with psychiatrist that is the 2nd step to get better. thts annoyng that they dont rlly discuss what is going on to you cus that is what youre there for. i suggest maybe start bringing it up in conversation and be straight forward with them with wht you want to do. for some reason if they dont comply with you, you can always try another phychiatrist. sometimes you have to keep trying to find the right one:)

hpe that helps and good luck!!!
 
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Natsuka

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Pandanae said:
Having a really rough couple days/nights.
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You are really brave for sharing this stuff so openly, reading your post really helped me a bit.

When I read your post, remembering what I went through just yesterday (maybe the biggest panic attack in my whole life, felt like there's no escape, and to my surprise, I even broke to tears and started considering alcohol and such), I thought it would be wonderful to be able to talk with voice with someone like you.

Did you ever consider that you could help other people by simply telling about your own experiences?

When you wonder whether you are 'crazy' or your weird thoughts are excessive, it can actually help someone else a great deal to know that others have this kind of experiences, too.

Do you happen to know if there's any kind of 'voice chat'-based groups or such that could help each other this way? I would be extremely interested, and hopefully I could help someone, too, if nothing else, then just by listening and trying to understand their difficult emotions, feelings and experiences.
 
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