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My Girlfriend has OCD, Help!

miguel

miguel

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My girlfriend for over 3 years has OCD, its not the worst case I've seen but she has daily mannerisms / habits. For example, she sets exactly 9 alarms on her phone every night and stares at them for about 5 - 10 minutes. After that she recites the times twice. At times she asks me to double check on everything, which I don't mind doing at all. This is just one example.


I try my best to make her aware of her OCD and tell her she doesn't need to do that, but obviously that doesn't stop her. Any advise on how I can approach this?
 
rz3300

rz3300

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Well I an certainly relate to this. It does put a little strain on our relationship, too, because I am not necessarily the cleanest of people. She is pretty attentive when it comes to messes, but she is really bad about daily schedules and making sure that everything follows the plan. In some ways it helps a lot because I am also a little disorganized, but when you couple it with my anxiety, which can sometimes cause miscommunication, it can backfire.
 
EntropiaAddict

EntropiaAddict

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miguel, Having OCD myself, I can relate to what your girlfriend is dealing with. First off, you need to figure out if you can change the "she doesn't need to do that" mentality. While a professional over years of therapy may be able to change some of those types of habits, I can tell you from personal experience that it is not likely that they will change. The best advice I can give, especially if the "quirks" do not affect daily living, is to accept them and decide if they are something that you can live with. To an OCD person, there is no other option but to do these things. For example, if she doesn't go through her routine with setting the alarm, then she will dwell on it and nothing else until she does the routine. For me, this would also include my brain being so focused on not having gone through the routine (mine are different than hers, but the same concept - 3 separate alarm clocks set 5 minutes apart that I need to physically check the wake up time on 3 times before I can go to sleep) that I would be unable to fall asleep. If you can live with the routines, support her seeing a therapist if you feel it is needed, and in the meantime consider the OCD acts as cute little quirks of character and live with them. Trying to get her to stop doing them is an exercise in futility that will only leave both of you frustrated at the end of the day. Hope this helps.
 
miguel

miguel

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miguel' date=' Having OCD myself, I can relate to what your girlfriend is dealing with. First off, you need to figure out if you can change the "she doesn't need to do that" mentality. While a professional over years of therapy may be able to change some of those types of habits, I can tell you from personal experience that it is not likely that they will change. The best advice I can give, especially if the "quirks" do not affect daily living, is to accept them and decide if they are something that you can live with. To an OCD person, there is no other option but to do these things. For example, if she doesn't go through her routine with setting the alarm, then she will dwell on it and nothing else until she does the routine. For me, this would also include my brain being so focused on not having gone through the routine (mine are different than hers, but the same concept - 3 separate alarm clocks set 5 minutes apart that I need to physically check the wake up time on 3 times before I can go to sleep) that I would be unable to fall asleep. If you can live with the routines, support her seeing a therapist if you feel it is needed, and in the meantime consider the OCD acts as cute little quirks of character and live with them. Trying to get her to stop doing them is an exercise in futility that will only leave both of you frustrated at the end of the day. Hope this helps.[/quote']
Thanks for the advice.


To be honest, it really doesn't bother myself too much, but she did at one time reach out to me asking for help. With that I though she might be suffering from it. I understand that OCD more of a mental or psychological issue, and I am no way qualified to treat it, assuming it it treatable, I'm definitely considering talking to her about seeing a therapist if its something that is bothering her.


Just to clarify, she sets 9 alarms, 3 for waking up, 3 for breakfast and 3 for getting ready for work.
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H

hades_leae

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miguel said:
miguel' date=' Having OCD myself, I can relate to what your girlfriend is dealing with. First off, you need to figure out if you can change the "she doesn't need to do that" mentality. While a professional over years of therapy may be able to change some of those types of habits, I can tell you from personal experience that it is not likely that they will change. The best advice I can give, especially if the "quirks" do not affect daily living, is to accept them and decide if they are something that you can live with. To an OCD person, there is no other option but to do these things. For example, if she doesn't go through her routine with setting the alarm, then she will dwell on it and nothing else until she does the routine. For me, this would also include my brain being so focused on not having gone through the routine (mine are different than hers, but the same concept - 3 separate alarm clocks set 5 minutes apart that I need to physically check the wake up time on 3 times before I can go to sleep) that I would be unable to fall asleep. If you can live with the routines, support her seeing a therapist if you feel it is needed, and in the meantime consider the OCD acts as cute little quirks of character and live with them. Trying to get her to stop doing them is an exercise in futility that will only leave both of you frustrated at the end of the day. Hope this helps.[/quote']
Thanks for the advice.


To be honest, it really doesn't bother myself too much, but she did at one time reach out to me asking for help. With that I though she might be suffering from it. I understand that OCD more of a mental or psychological issue, and I am no way qualified to treat it, assuming it it treatable, I'm definitely considering talking to her about seeing a therapist if its something that is bothering her.


Just to clarify, she sets 9 alarms, 3 for waking up, 3 for breakfast and 3 for getting ready for work.
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Well I wouldn't really consider that a problem myself, I set many alarms because I know what my habits are.


I will set an alarm, and then when it goes off, I will turn it off, and then wake up late. Now I have this thing on my phone were the alarm doesn't turn off until I solve a puzzle which is better for me because it makes me wake up.


Sometimes people forget to eat, and need some kind of reminder to do so when they know they should. I don't know the rest of the story, but it seems like she is just making sure she is attentive when she needs to be. I don't think there is anything wrong with that unless I'm really not understanding the problem.
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miguel

miguel

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miguel said:
miguel' date=' Having OCD myself, I can relate to what your girlfriend is dealing with. First off, you need to figure out if you can change the "she doesn't need to do that" mentality. While a professional over years of therapy may be able to change some of those types of habits, I can tell you from personal experience that it is not likely that they will change. The best advice I can give, especially if the "quirks" do not affect daily living, is to accept them and decide if they are something that you can live with. To an OCD person, there is no other option but to do these things. For example, if she doesn't go through her routine with setting the alarm, then she will dwell on it and nothing else until she does the routine. For me, this would also include my brain being so focused on not having gone through the routine (mine are different than hers, but the same concept - 3 separate alarm clocks set 5 minutes apart that I need to physically check the wake up time on 3 times before I can go to sleep) that I would be unable to fall asleep. If you can live with the routines, support her seeing a therapist if you feel it is needed, and in the meantime consider the OCD acts as cute little quirks of character and live with them. Trying to get her to stop doing them is an exercise in futility that will only leave both of you frustrated at the end of the day. Hope this helps.[/quote']
Thanks for the advice.


To be honest, it really doesn't bother myself too much, but she did at one time reach out to me asking for help. With that I though she might be suffering from it. I understand that OCD more of a mental or psychological issue, and I am no way qualified to treat it, assuming it it treatable, I'm definitely considering talking to her about seeing a therapist if its something that is bothering her.


Just to clarify, she sets 9 alarms, 3 for waking up, 3 for breakfast and 3 for getting ready for work.
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hades_leae If it was just that than I don't think either of us would see it as a problem. She has a lot of other OCD behaviors too.


For example, she has an exact set of lights she wants turned on in the house at night, and one less or one more just won't do. Another habit I've noticed is she has to be the last person to say goodnight before bed. So if she says it first, and I say it back, she'll say it again. I've actually tried to say goodnight last but she won't quit, a bit funny actually.


I don't want to list everything here as it will take up my whole morning.
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DeMarie

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I think it is wonderful that you have supported and accepted your girlfriend's OCD for three years. I think it is time you suggest that both of you go to joint therapy. I would not normally say this to someone I have never met. I am not judging you or your lovely girlfriend. I am OCD myself. I am speaking from experience. I went to therapy and it was the best decision I ever made. I was able to control my life in a more healthy manner and SLOWLY I was able to remove quite a few of my behaviors.


When you are young and in love, it is easy to shrug off a partner with OCD. Over time it can take a toll on your relationship. It is not fun to have OCD, your life is taken up my rituals and uncontrollable thoughts. You may mean well, when you tell her she doesn't have to set the alarms, unfortunately her OCD dictates that she does have to do it.


If you fight this as partners and get a good therapist, you and your girl can live a much happier life.


I wish you nothing but the best - go team!!
 
K

kgord

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Yes, I think a decision has to be made about how disruptive this is in both of your lives. A good therapist, or medication could probably help the issue, but maybe it is not something worth fixing. Only the two of you need to decide if this is disrupting enough or annoying enough to fix. Sometimes quirks and mannerisms are just that, other times they can be very annoying. I agree with DeMarie. It may be something that takes a long term toll. So, it might be better dealt with sooner rather than later.
 
orchid

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I'm in therapy for OCD and if OCD is harming her life --- making thing difficult or causing a bad emotional response, I would recommend asking her to seek help. If it's little things and she doesn't seem bothered by it, then it's no biggie.


I won't touch door handles. I think they're dirty (they are.) This doesn't negatively impact my life, so it's not an issue that I'm working on. However, I also feel like I'm a bad person a lot (for other reasons) and it causes a lot of negative emotion -- I cry and it's really something we're working on in therapy. This is an example of OCD negatively impacting a person's life.


It's your judgement call if you want to bring it up, but if you do, be supportive. Ask her how she feels. How does saying the times make her feel? Be supportive if she brings up other compulsions or negative thoughts she having.
 
Alex

Alex

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Many of us have habits, but is this affecting her life and yours or is it something you can love with and adjust? I think first she needs to see it as a problem and want help, because many people need their routines and adapt. I used to have multiple alarms when I needed to get up, but when I don't need to then I don't set it. Maybe on the weekend you can say the alarms aren't needed if they wake you up?


OCD can escalate, but has it or is it stable? Are they quirks (like Monica in Friends) or are they disruptive? Will bringing this up make her more anxious? If you've lived with this for three years already, has it become worse or do you live with it? I see these days one thing is people like to label things, and thinks there is an issue, when there may not be one. From your post it seems to be under control and not so much an issue for you or her.
 
Z

Zamininc

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With minor quirks and habits I'd say just go along with them as long as they aren't disrupting either of your lives, but this isn't a small habit and it is disrupting your lives. First and foremost SHE needs to see it as a problem long before this can be resolved. Try and talk to her, let her know how much this is disrupting your life and if it is, tell her how it's hurting the relationship. Being supportive is great and it's a wonderful thing but if it's becoming disruptive and hurting the relationship it needs to get resolved. Maybe you two should go to joint therapy together, it'll help you both out.
 
Norjak71

Norjak71

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You know, I thought I had bad OCD, and now I think it might be even worse. I do the EXACT same thing with my alarms in fact checking them multiple times to see if they are set to AM or PM. The best thing you can do is have a very good understanding of the issue and support her, cause trust me it's not easy to live with. If you show support maybe that will help bring her out of some of these but understand it will never fully go away.
 
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