but there is something that has been bothering me for the past months since February when i saw a psychiatrist for the first time and i started to take anxiety medications.
Since i was little I had problems with it, anxiety, i mean; anxiety, self-esteem problems, and you could say socializing wasn't my best ability. I have talked about this problems with professionals in different kind of sectors (My mom is one of those people who believes in magnets and such, it isn't that bad), but there is something i have never properly talked about, only mentioned
God, i don't want to sound dramatic, I don't know how to say this without sounding dramatic, I'm sorry
With low self-esteem and the anxiety came some intrusive thoughts, and with the simple intrusive thoughts, came others, suicidal thoughts.
It is rare nowdays, but back in the day they were kind of bad. I never would have done it, because, hello cruel irony, I'm thanatophobic (I'm afraid of death, for anyone who didn't knew the term), but they would come to me when i was "under a lot of pressure" (It was just my brain being dramatic) or stuff like that, school was and is a mayor trigger for the now little thoughts i get
Could be anything, stop walking in the middle of the road on my way back to school, once i stared at the window to one of the schools building and wondered if I fall from it i would die or just break my legs, to have an overdose with my pills, one i wasn't even thinking or feeling bad, i just walked into the kitchen and imagined stabbing myself with a knife. And I would also think about the afters sometimes, "How long would it take my family to get over it?", "Which of my friends would go to the funeral?", "Would i go to heaven? I don't deserve heaven" and stuff like that I can't remember
Now for the question, i think some people are gonna think I'm dumb and maybe I am, but there is something i need to know...
Is it possible to have suicidal thoughts without having depression?
All the things i said before i can sure you I had, but i never had depression, never, or at least that's what I thought, i know its dumb, REALLY dumb, but please, is it possible or not?
Since i was little I had problems with it, anxiety, i mean; anxiety, self-esteem problems, and you could say socializing wasn't my best ability. I have talked about this problems with professionals in different kind of sectors (My mom is one of those people who believes in magnets and such, it isn't that bad), but there is something i have never properly talked about, only mentioned
God, i don't want to sound dramatic, I don't know how to say this without sounding dramatic, I'm sorry
With low self-esteem and the anxiety came some intrusive thoughts, and with the simple intrusive thoughts, came others, suicidal thoughts.
It is rare nowdays, but back in the day they were kind of bad. I never would have done it, because, hello cruel irony, I'm thanatophobic (I'm afraid of death, for anyone who didn't knew the term), but they would come to me when i was "under a lot of pressure" (It was just my brain being dramatic) or stuff like that, school was and is a mayor trigger for the now little thoughts i get
Could be anything, stop walking in the middle of the road on my way back to school, once i stared at the window to one of the schools building and wondered if I fall from it i would die or just break my legs, to have an overdose with my pills, one i wasn't even thinking or feeling bad, i just walked into the kitchen and imagined stabbing myself with a knife. And I would also think about the afters sometimes, "How long would it take my family to get over it?", "Which of my friends would go to the funeral?", "Would i go to heaven? I don't deserve heaven" and stuff like that I can't remember
Now for the question, i think some people are gonna think I'm dumb and maybe I am, but there is something i need to know...
Is it possible to have suicidal thoughts without having depression?
All the things i said before i can sure you I had, but i never had depression, never, or at least that's what I thought, i know its dumb, REALLY dumb, but please, is it possible or not?
