At my wits end

Hi everyone, I've only posted here a few times in the past and don't come on very often. I'm absolutely at my wits end with HA and just don't know what to do anymore.

The back story: I've suffered from anxiety in various forms for most of my life. My HA was triggered a few years ago after a series of traumatic events. I lost my baby in 2018 at 17 weeks, and the same year two of my close friends got diagnosed with breast cancer in their early thirties. One sadly passed away last year.

I now have an 11 month old son who I have breastfed all the way through (and still am). 6 days after I gave birth I found a lump on my breast. Completely freaked out worrying it was cancer. It turned out to be a blocked duct and went away. However, since then I have been convinced I have breast cancer and have had around 20 different "symptoms" all of which I have been convinced were cancer. None of them have amounted to anything, but each time I have been convinced they were signs of cancer. I have been to the doctors 8 times this past year, each time to do with apparent breast cancer symptoms. Each time I have been reassured that I am fine. I even got referred to the breast clinic in March after begging the doctor to refer me, and I was assured by the breast specialist that I had no symptoms that warranted investigation.

Now I'm at the point where I no longer know what are things I should go to the doctor about and what are things that I should not worry about. So the latest is to do with my nipple and worrying that I have pagets disease. Around 6 weeks ago I was feeding my son and he whipped his head around to be nosey and my nipple came out of his mouth. I noticed it was bleeding. I worried straight away, but it was seperate from my breast milk and caused by a cut in my nipple. It eventually scabbed over, but it hasn't healed since. It follows the same cycle where it scabs over for a few days and then whilst feeding my son the scab comes off and I'm back to square one again.

My OH doesn't think this is anything to worry about, but I'm really worried about pagets disease as I've read that can sometimes present as a cut that doesn't heal. My sensible head tells me that this is very unlikely given my age and it is far more likely that this is an injury caused by breastfeeding, but my worried head tells me that I need to go to the doctor and get this checked as it could be pagets.

What should I do?

bigjetplane6 said:

What symptoms have you had that make you think breast cancer?

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Currently just the cut on my nipple which keeps scabbing over. All other "symptoms" have amounted to nothing and have gone away. Thinking back they were really very much non-symtoms, but at the time I convinced myself they were.

bigjetplane6 said:

I know where you’re coming from. Not the same issue, but I know the HA aspect of it.
I myself am going through a scare as well.
Anyways, this is logic talking to you.
You do not have anything to worry about. A cut needs to be DRY to heal properly. Why do you think a cut in your mouth takes forever to heal? Because it’s always moist.
So now with your situation, you are breast feeding. Your baby is constantly making the area moist and sucking on your nipple. It’s going to make the area, that already has a cut, more tender. This is why you haven’t healed yet. And it keeps coming back. Because the environment it’s in is not suitable for healing.
I could assure you if you were to stop breastfeeding, in a couple of weeks it would heal.
Don’t worry, you’re ok. I know much easier said than done, trust me I know and I sound like such a hypocrite because I myself can’t take that same advice but I promise you you’re ok. Breathe.

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Thanks. It does make sense of why it's taking forever to heal. My poor nipple never gets a chance! I will give it more time. Thank you for your advice.

suzzeeb said:

When my daughter was nursing her both her babies her nipples were always cracked and peeling and bleeding. It looked really awful and painful, but it is just from constant sucking and irritation. She used some kind of nipple cream for nursing moms. I think it's just what happens to a lot of women.

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Thank you. I have tried using nipple cream, but it doesn't seem to have helped. There seems to be some controversy online as to whether to keep the cut wet or dry. Ah well, fingers crossed it heals eventually.

suzzeeb said:

I wonder if you called your doctor if they would have some advice to make it better? Hope you feel better soon.

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I am going to try pumping for a week to see if that helps at all.

suzzeeb said:

That's a good idea! I bet that will really help with healing.

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Thanks. I really hope so.

bigjetplane6 said:

Update? How are you doing?

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I'm OK thank you. Up and down. I've been mostly pumping my milk since Thursday evening to try and let the wound heal, but the problem is even with pumping it is not being allowed to heal as the bit of skin that keeps growing over the wound gets wet again and then comes off, thus exposing the wound. So it's a vicious cycle. I'm trying to keep it clean though and telling myself that it's nothing to worry about.