constantly worrying about heart!!!

I'm 17 and for the last 2 years I've been living very unhealthy. Smoked cigarettes, drunk lots of coffe, didn't eat breakfast, used to get drunk, smoked weed... I also had a lot social problems with friends, guy I really loved used to use me, had a lot of mental breakdowns, besides that I was trying to be the best student in the class and to hide all the problematic stuff I was doing from my parents... At the end of school year, I was under big pressure about my grades. I was really tired, still having just irregular sleep, not eating breakfast, just drinking coffee and smoking. In the middle of june my "best friend'' told me some really upsetting stories about me, even including my parents in that. That day I drunk 3 cups of black coffee, smoked whole pack of cigarettes and ate only just at 4.00 pm. I cried liked never in my life and just 2 hours later - I heard that 14-year old girl from my town passed away from heart. At first I was sad but not upset. Then I started studying biology (lesson about heart) for my tomorrow exam and just few minutes later I couldn't breath, my heart started to beat so fast, and automatic thought was that because of coffee and nicotine something is wrong with my heart! I was thinking that was the end. Told my parents and begged them to take me to hospital. We didin't go (because of the whole town and the hospital was in the chaos then), and the state I have been into lasted for 2 hours and maybe even more! I was so upset that I even told my mum to call priest for me to confess! My mum is pedadgogue and she kinda knew that there was nothing wrong with my body and that it was just panic attack. I somehow relaxed and fell asleep. Early that morning I woke up again with same symptoms and started shaking. I went to school, and beacuse I still felt bad I went to my doctor. We've done EKG and blood analysis but everything was fine. I told her how and why I felt upset and she said it's because of stress and coffeine, but that I'm complitlly fine.
I was bussy about my grades so next few days I couldn't think about it. But then again I started sweating, my chest was hurting so I decieded to see school psychologist. Ironically, I planed to study psychology, and I kinda knew that it might be anxiety. So I went and told her the whole situation and she just confirmed my doubts- it was anxiety and panic attacks. She told me that I just need rest. Because school had finished I haven't gone anymore. I told my mum that I wanna go to the private psychologist but where I live it's still shame for smbdy to see psychologist...
I quit smoking, coffee, alcohol, toxic people and for 2 weeks (I had panic attacks still but I knew it was just panic so I kinda learnt to get over it when it comes) I felt better because I knew it was just panic attacks.
But 1 month ago it got worse ( this is how I feel right now still) : I can't stop thinking about my heart, I'm constantly listening to my heartbeat, I am so in cramp, I started feeling pain in my chest and around it (especially around heart area). Now I have problems with stomach, lump in throat, and I CAN'T STOP THINKING about what happend to that poor girl. Now (because I believe in the law of attraction) I'm afraid that because of my negative thoughts something is wrong with my heart and that something is going to heppen . My thoughts are usually : "How does it beat", "Can it beat?" ," What if I just suddenly fall and that's it?" and similiar from morning to the night. I still have panic attacks but I can't control them anymore, neither I can control my thoughts. I'm constantly in a fear that something bad is going to happen, and I imagine THE WORST scenarios in my head. But my biggest fear is that (I don't know why?) my body and my heart (organ) can't take this anymore. I NEED HELP PLEASE

AnthonyM said:

Hello! I have been through most of the sensations you describe. The one thing I have learnt in this forum is that you must try to trust your doctor. They wouldn't tell you that you were well if you weren't. I know us anxiety sufferers struggle with that, but it's true. You sound like you have lots of stress at the moment. Could you find a hobby or do you have an interest that you could focus on? I'm so sorry you are feeling this way but try and remember that doctors are professionals and they've worked very hard for that. If all you results came back ok then that's really great news.

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Thank you for support, this really means much to me! I'm trying to live more healthy now, and about hobbies - I started drawing and some creative stuff. Also started yoga challange and started praying. I really hope that this will help me.

AnxiousBean said:

Hey there,
Everything is going to be okay
To summarize, the heart beats because of electrical signals in the body. It's a rhythmic beating that allows blood to flow in and out of the heart, and the circulation sends it through your body to your muscles and organs. Any time you see a doctor, they listen to that rhythm and check your blood pressure to ensure its functioning properly. Doctors are professionally trained to detect the tiniest of murmurs (irregular rhythm). If you've been to a doctor and they have checked your heart, you should be good to go! Anything worrysome would involve symptoms like shortness of breath with chest pain or burning that may or may not radiate down the left arm. You're a young one and those bad habits from your past can be reversed! It sounds like you're on the right track to getting healthy and doing the best possible thing for yourself and your heart. Best of luck!

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Thank you! I really hope that this fear will be gone soon. I started to be more productive, and it helps when I am busy or occupied with something else. Trough the day, I still have those thoughts but less than before! I also talked with my mum and friends about it, and each time I say it out loud, it gets easier for me. Also, my friend told me - that gilr who has died from heart had actually an ilness in an early stage and she has overforced herself...

I still worry so much. I'm in constantly fear that something is going to happen or God is gonna punish me. I'm always listening to my heartbeat. I wish I could stop smoking ( I don't smoke too much or everyday) but still I feel bad.
I'm always scared idk what to do