Should you openly tell people you have Social Anxiety?

pwarbi · Aug 4, 2016

Everybody is obviously going to be different, but I've found in the past that coming out and just telling people right from the start, and especially people you don't know, can make a situation worse. Obviously good friends or family members will probably know already but telling total strangers will just make the situation more awkward as I think a lot of people still won't understand just what social anxiety actually is.

While the temptation to tell people will be there, and even though I've never been ashamed of my condition, I've always felt that if they don't need to know then it's better to just carry on the best you can as the last think I want is for people to feel sorry for me, or even worse start asking me question about what's wrong and why I have it in the first place.

Roscas · Aug 4, 2016

Telling people you hardly know things about your innermost self will not help you. People's views and feelings about matters you feel deeply about differ and people tend to judge especially those they know nothing of. It is YOU who matters and how you feel. Talk to those who know you well, those you know well and those you are comfortable with. These are the people who would not judge you easily but will ask questions out of concern.

sidney · Aug 4, 2016

I think you should only tell it to people that you will be closely associating with so that they will be able to understand when you're not able to attend some event or social event. Telling strangers can help too, but only if they invite you to something that you don't want to do, since your refusal might be misinterpreted for snobbishness or something else.

Sue · Aug 4, 2016

I definitely wouldn't tell people for fear of being judged or treated differently because of it. People that know me well, which are few, know about my social anxiety and don't pressure me into situations that they know I am not comfortable in. I feel if I told a stranger that it would cause me more anxiety thinking that they are treating me differently because of it. It would just cause me to overthink the entire situation. For me the fewer who know the better.

majorcupcake · Aug 4, 2016

I will tell people, but only in a light and joking way, just in case they are judgmental about it. Most of the time I try to keep myself out of those situations, which makes people think that I'm a snob or prude. Honestly, that's fine by me because then they leave me alone. I try to only go places if I'm with someone that I'm comfortable with, like my husband. Then I can hide behind him and make him do the talking!

I'm one of those people that believe honesty is the best solution. Lying or being deceptive about things makes me feel guilty and like others can see right through me, which in turn makes me feel WAY more anxious than having the truth out there.

It's all about what makes you feel the most comfortable. I've also just told people that I'm an introvert or very shy (both of which are true), and these are more socially acceptable in a lot of people's eyes I think.

WorkAtHomeGal · Aug 4, 2016

Close friends, family and people that just get you is one thing. But coming out right away about it can be bad. Like a job interview for instance I am anxious the whole time but never tell them and never them I have social anxiety. I just try to go with it and look the best I can, easier said then done. Some people sadly just don't get it and may be judgemental or try to tell you how it is. I don't know about anyone else but the last thing I was is input from people who know nothing about what I am going through.

amy88 · Aug 4, 2016

Honestly to me, I only tell people who bother to get to know me - so by that point I think they already realize that I am anxious in social situations. I think social anxiety is one of those things that a lot of people simply don't understand - particularly to people who are the life of the party, it's basically unfathomable that someone would get anxious socializing (since they seem to thrive off it!)

So long story short - no, I don't tell people unless it's necessary, really.

Panic57 · Aug 4, 2016

I don't bother telling strangers that I have anxieties until I feel like i'm going to have a continuous relationship with them. My mom raised me to take personal responsibility for my own problems and that it's not fair to emotionally dump my baggage on other people. If i start have a panic attack or something triggers me, I simply excuse myself by saying I have a call or go to the bathroom. I once pretended to have a three hour conversation while I was trying to get my anxiety under control. I held the phone to my head and gave my 'friend' the advice I was mentally telling myself until I had it under control. Very few of my friends are even aware that I have issues, they just think I'm a bit shy and timid in big groups. I would prefer to keep it that way because I hate the looks of pity. Plus, the constant thought that they would talk about my problems and me behind my back would make my anxiety worse.

Roscas · Aug 5, 2016

There is a rule parents never forget to teach their children - never talk to strangers. People you just met are still strangers. It is not wrong to protect yourself. When in doubt....DON'T. Trust your instinct.

2deidara7 · Aug 19, 2016

When you're in a social situation, and your friends begin to make conversation with you, or even strangers maybe...do you think it would be best to just openly say that you have social anxiety?
That way it wouldn't be awkward because everyone there would know what you're going threw, and that might make it easy for you to better control anxiety in that moment.

Hmm, I think that's a good idea but I don't think you should say it to everyone right off the bat. Maybe observe them first and if you think that they seem like understanding people, then you can tell them about it. Or maybe tell the person who seems the most understanding first. I'm not really sure. This is just my opinion. I haven't tried this so I can't say whether it will work or not. But, I personally want to know if it will.

John Snort · Aug 19, 2016

Someone who doesn't have social anxiety will not understand or empathize even if you told them that you have social anxiety. Though it might seem like a good idea, "getting it off your chest" so to say, since you don't know what reaction you'd get there's no need to risk telling strangers your secret and it ends with them making fun of you. As pwarbi points it could actually make things worse.

lexinonomous · Aug 19, 2016

Depending on the person, I think it is perfectly fine to let people know you have social anxiety. Personally, I will not tell someone unless I feel like they can handle it. Some people will respond by trying to encourage me to be more social and take it upon themselves to try and make me new friends. This is the wrong approach and I have learned how to spot it from a mile away. If I feel like a person might be more aggressive about it, rather than understanding, I won't openly tell them that I have any sort of anxiety. If a person seems to be trusting and kind hearted, I will mention it if necessary. I don't see a reason to share it with someone unless it's going to interfere with something we're doing.

Alex · Aug 19, 2016

I doubt that would be wise or even advisable. First of all, socially awkward people would struggle to talk to a complete stranger, and secondly why would you reveal something so personal either? Many people will reveal it if they become friends later and give a reason as to why they can't go out or f they don't want to go somewhere.

I find that people who 'announce' things use them as excuses rather than reasons. You wouldn't openly tell people you don't know well you are HIV or that you are in therapy, and this is the same. Personal medical issues should be private.

listener1987 · Aug 19, 2016

It's socially awkward to tell people you're socially awkward

I say this as a person who doesn't have social anxiety, but have been told by people I've just met, "Hi. I have social anxiety."

Maybe follow this rule: Talk about the things you want to talk about. There's a reason you start off conversations with strangers with things like, "Where do you live? Where do you work? Do you have a family?"

But let me ask you, hades_leae - if you did feel compelled to tell that to a stranger, how would you prefer the stranger respond? As someone who has been on the flip side, I can tell you that my in-person reaction was "Oh..okay?" And I'm a safe person. My friends confide in me, and I in them. I have suffered anxiety, depression, and bipolar. But I was still completely confused about how to respond to this stranger.

HappyKoi · Aug 19, 2016

One of the problems with telling people straight off is that a lot of people don't understand what social anxiety is because the term is so often misused, as are a lot of mental illness terms. For example, "He's so cute but my social anxiety is kicking in!", or "It bugs me when my pens aren't straight, I can be so OCD sometimes," and so on. It seems to me that a lot of people don't know exactly what having social anxiety really entails, unless you're in a community (like here) of similar people. This is something to talk about with a therapist or close friends, or someone who is willing to sit down with you and listen to an explanation of what this entails and how they can support you.

Alex · Aug 20, 2016

It's socially awkward to tell people you're socially awkward
I say this as a person who doesn't have social anxiety, but have been told by people I've just met, "Hi. I have social anxiety."

Maybe follow this rule: Talk about the things you want to talk about. There's a reason you start off conversations with strangers with things like, "Where do you live? Where do you work? Do you have a family?"

But let me ask you, hades_leae - if you did feel compelled to tell that to a stranger, how would you prefer the stranger respond? As someone who has been on the flip side, I can tell you that my in-person reaction was "Oh..okay?" And I'm a safe person. My friends confide in me, and I in them. I have suffered anxiety, depression, and bipolar. But I was still completely confused about how to respond to this stranger.

I had a friend who said those words to me, but that was after a year of knowing her, but if someone new came up and said that to me, I would assume they expect some special treatment. I personally think it's bad advise to tell someone to do this, and maybe someone advised these people to 'help' them, but instead it makes people recoil or feel uncomfortable.

Why would you tell strangers your personal problems? Some spiritual centers encourage it and I'm opposed to it because people try to label something and then the onus is on others to deal with it and to respond which isn't fair.

I was at a place once and a girl came out and told a whole group of strangers she had PTSD as a child when she was 8 or 9, and the fact is someone told her this was a good idea, but it wasn't. She used the term incorrectly and expected us all to give her empathy and leeway for her behavior. She claimed she had it and it still affected her. The incident was not being invited to a classmates birthday party, so she told her mother who then told the child's mother who forced the other child to invite her and punished her. The result was all the children hated her even more and this PTSD was her own fault, but by telling people as soon as she met them, it appeared she wanted others to work around her. I would say it would push people away, and in this case no one could sympathize with her at all.

Laneorexorcist · Aug 22, 2016

Nope, not at all. I am afraid that they might think that I tell that just to call for their attention and I don't really want that.

But a lot of my friends are conscious about it, and I don't really need to tell them in order to get support from them.

But I have never found myself telling this to strangers or just random people... It just doesn't feel right for me.

mauricioq · Aug 22, 2016

I think you should tell people, but only if you already have confidence and you're comfortable around that person. It can scare off new people but people that already know you are going to accept it and definitely try to help you. If that doesn't happen, that's not people to have around you either way.

Ashley0323 · Aug 22, 2016

It wouldn't be the very first thing I told people about myself, but I wouldn't hide it. I would make it known that I may be the "weird" one, because I have social anxiety and let them know that I am not trying to be. It might help.

Should you openly tell people you have Social Anxiety?

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