Feeling of anxiousness to other things
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PRguru_cfj
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I work as best I can with almost every thing I do. But every yime I sit down and study I worry forget everything and fail . Even when I pass I wonder did I even learn anything thing. I also get bugged when someone has a better archive ment hen me. I get super hard on myself as well and it runs mmnmmm e all day. Cuts my appetite and i get anger at the my self and so stupid things. Hell even if I win somthing it feels hollow. You and I want to fo things but I guess our anxiety and self paranoia gets into the way of things.
You are alot further in life than me. Self made, responsible, know what you want. Not like me who is cowardly, awkward, and lazy. I guess we want to prove to our self's that we can do it and try not to take **** from know one even tho it gets harder and harder. It eats at me everyday and I feel ashamed I can't help myself at times. I always feel like thier is always someone above me even tho I try to climb higher and higher until I am at the top. Even tho it keeps getting high and the weight of my problems drag me down.
What ever your job is it sounds hard but you seem like you are better than mist managing your self and getting the job done. Strong people like you shouldn't care what lazy sheep think. You did the best you can fo and sometimes you have to n n livevwith it. Results are results weather good or bad. But the feeling never goes away for me and it sometimes realy eats me inside. Its partially is the reason I can't find good friends or potential partners for my worry they think I am to wierd live. But like collage I will get pass it and find what I want eventually.
You and I sometimes feel we are not good enough even tho we try our best . But our pride and fighting spirit pushes us weather we like it or not. I may be at the bottom. But a trembling hand can become a fist and push past our limits. When ever we should wish. Also I do appreciate your messages
Sincerely PRguru_cfj
You are alot further in life than me. Self made, responsible, know what you want. Not like me who is cowardly, awkward, and lazy. I guess we want to prove to our self's that we can do it and try not to take **** from know one even tho it gets harder and harder. It eats at me everyday and I feel ashamed I can't help myself at times. I always feel like thier is always someone above me even tho I try to climb higher and higher until I am at the top. Even tho it keeps getting high and the weight of my problems drag me down.
What ever your job is it sounds hard but you seem like you are better than mist managing your self and getting the job done. Strong people like you shouldn't care what lazy sheep think. You did the best you can fo and sometimes you have to n n livevwith it. Results are results weather good or bad. But the feeling never goes away for me and it sometimes realy eats me inside. Its partially is the reason I can't find good friends or potential partners for my worry they think I am to wierd live. But like collage I will get pass it and find what I want eventually.
You and I sometimes feel we are not good enough even tho we try our best . But our pride and fighting spirit pushes us weather we like it or not. I may be at the bottom. But a trembling hand can become a fist and push past our limits. When ever we should wish. Also I do appreciate your messages
Sincerely PRguru_cfj
MarciKS
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I don't know how old you are but, I'm in my 50's I've had to struggle through enough crap & I am here to tell you that no matter what you think of yourself or what someone else thinks of you, you are good enough. You are worthy. You are amazing in your own way. You just have to find that way. But try to keep this in mind...it's one thing to have a fighting spirit to get yourself going but, don't struggle too hard with others and their BS. Just because they push doesn't mean you have to push back. Do what you have to do to take care of you and don't worry about the others. At the end of the day it boils down to you and your survival. Physically and mentally.
This evening I am in a very bad place emotionally. I have never felt so alone and so unloved in my entire life as I do right now tonight. That's not gonna change tomorrow, next month or possibly ever. Our only responsibility to ourselves is to get up each day, go to school, go to work, & take care of ourselves and our surroundings. If you're getting that good of grades in school then just try to stay focused on that. Work to the goal you want instead of worrying about whether you're gonna make it or not. I drag myself out of bed and into life every day whether I feel like it or not. Today was not a feel like it day. But I muddled through.
I can't afford therapy so, I write. I write to express my rage, my sorrow, my loneliness. I don't know you or much about your life. But try not being so critical of yourself. It's tough to do when you've had people criticize you for everything your whole life. But you can't keep entertaining these thoughts. Journal them out and try to stay focused on getting through each part of your day. And look for the things that go right. I've been through a lot and had to deal with it on my own with nothing but some pills here and there. No therapy. Nobody to really talk to and who wants to listen to us anyway? That's why I am strong. No shoulder to cry on. Nobody to lean on when I really could've used it. I had to be my own shoulder and my own strength.
It's been a long and lonely road but, I'm still going. Some days require a little more self TLC than others. But they can be managed. I'll check back with you soon. Have a great Tuesday. I'll be cooking over a hot stove all day with a mask with a smile on it and a hairnet. Maybe picturing that might bring you a chuckle. LOL!
Quit focusing on the person who is higher up in success. Half the time those types aren't worth a crap. They are not what's important here. YOU! You are what matters. What everyone around you is doing is not important. Just take care of Guru and don't worry about what the OTHER is doing or achieving. Who cares? They're not you. They aren't living your life. They got their own problems. Just because their better or higher up or farther along doesn't mean they're living the life of Riley. They may have miserable lives. Why do you care what is going on with them for 8 hrs? Take it easy on yourself.
This evening I am in a very bad place emotionally. I have never felt so alone and so unloved in my entire life as I do right now tonight. That's not gonna change tomorrow, next month or possibly ever. Our only responsibility to ourselves is to get up each day, go to school, go to work, & take care of ourselves and our surroundings. If you're getting that good of grades in school then just try to stay focused on that. Work to the goal you want instead of worrying about whether you're gonna make it or not. I drag myself out of bed and into life every day whether I feel like it or not. Today was not a feel like it day. But I muddled through.
I can't afford therapy so, I write. I write to express my rage, my sorrow, my loneliness. I don't know you or much about your life. But try not being so critical of yourself. It's tough to do when you've had people criticize you for everything your whole life. But you can't keep entertaining these thoughts. Journal them out and try to stay focused on getting through each part of your day. And look for the things that go right. I've been through a lot and had to deal with it on my own with nothing but some pills here and there. No therapy. Nobody to really talk to and who wants to listen to us anyway? That's why I am strong. No shoulder to cry on. Nobody to lean on when I really could've used it. I had to be my own shoulder and my own strength.
It's been a long and lonely road but, I'm still going. Some days require a little more self TLC than others. But they can be managed. I'll check back with you soon. Have a great Tuesday. I'll be cooking over a hot stove all day with a mask with a smile on it and a hairnet. Maybe picturing that might bring you a chuckle. LOL!
Quit focusing on the person who is higher up in success. Half the time those types aren't worth a crap. They are not what's important here. YOU! You are what matters. What everyone around you is doing is not important. Just take care of Guru and don't worry about what the OTHER is doing or achieving. Who cares? They're not you. They aren't living your life. They got their own problems. Just because their better or higher up or farther along doesn't mean they're living the life of Riley. They may have miserable lives. Why do you care what is going on with them for 8 hrs? Take it easy on yourself.
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PRguru_cfj
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You k ow what I am done. I have always tried to fit I and made the best of the situation and some people hate me and some like me. Some remember me and some forgot me. All this talk of life and whta you wanna do and achieve and I realize somthing. I don't want to do anything or be anything. I tried everything but it makes me frustrated and I always lose. Sometimes it's best to just fade into the background. Certain roles are impossible to fill..so let someone else take the wheel. I'm a follower, bot a leader. I'm at the bottom of the totem pole and I know my place. My will is broken, my strength gone, and I am th tired trying to prove my self to the world. I an the background character, the follower. Al the beating I got in school and rejections I had, all well deserved. All the passing grades, luck and flukes. Everything I have I don't deserve. Respect, love, status, wealth, pride, and faith. I got kn known of that and I'm okay with that. People of higher status and ability will always topple those who just have hard work and drive period. If I had even one of those things. I j ow by a fact I would become a monster. I got anger and laziness, that's all I am.
PRguru_cfj
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I'm done
PRguru_cfj
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Naw it ain't you it's just my impulsive nature. It like roller coaster depending how I feel. None of it came from you
PRguru_cfj
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Naw it ain't you it's just my impulsive nature. It like roller coaster depending how I feel. None of it came from you it's just I can never believe nor trust myself. Even tho things are good. I close my eyes at night and it's still bad
I wasn't responding to your comment negatively or anything of the sort. You have to believe me on that. I usually write down what I feel and I don't want you to think I am angry at you. I am always jaded for me and my past actions and what I am going to do. I'm really sorry if I have upset you. I am hard on myself becuase I want to succeed and such. You do your work well and your better for it.
I really appreciate you words. I just to thicked headed and stupid to not need them. That's my problem, I never listen nor learn and I right back where I started. But you seem more open and talkative then be ffg ore andvthats good. Mind you I an a ok waking very respectfully and I want you to know I appreciate your help.
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Do not blame yourself when people let you down, work on good relationships with as many as you can. You have the power to change everything. People have said to me what you are calling yourself. It doesnt bother me because i believe in myself. That is what you need to do, believe in yourself and your potentiality.
PRguru_cfj
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I have to admit it, I am a lazy person. I never like working in things to long. If they take to long I just give up or give up becuase ita to hard. I can't control b b emotions and it's getting to the point that I may do something violent to my self or others. I hate myself and others. Tbis collage thing is not working out and I can't even get a job without ******* up the most simplest of tasks. I failed another assignment, again. I lost control for somthing so easy Again. I am angry and want to kill myself even tho I told myslef not to o, AGAIN. Why can't I learn, why do I have to be scared of everything and fear failure. Why do I hate myself and others so much without giving them a chance. I only pray to god when times are tough or when I am in fear. He still hasn't said anything.
I give up, that's the only words that comfort me at this point. Maybe t stime to become the monster people say I am. Better yet, the monster that deep down I want to be.
I give up, that's the only words that comfort me at this point. Maybe t stime to become the monster people say I am. Better yet, the monster that deep down I want to be.
PRguru_cfj
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I am at a crossroads. My official therapy sessions are starting Friday and the ruks they set are agreeable. So I vow not to judge others upon hearing what they want to say. So I just gonna lay bare what Inthibk I am. On the outside I am a smug Puerto Rican kid who got lucky getting into collage. Who works hard and cares about others more than himself. A B student who works hard and rarely asks for help. But deep down the surface I am dictated by four different emotions: fear, anxiety, rage, and apathy.
To me deep down I am a selfish and worthless human with no redeeming qualities. I am to meek to the point that I don't even stand up for myself. Nothing good about me and I'm boring to talk to. I have no choice but to give up. I will let out all my insecurities bare in group and one person therapy. I will hope they except the monstrous thoughts in my head. All the self pity and hatred I feel towards me and others. This will determine if I give up on my college life and try to find something less stressful. Or finally do the dirty deed so I don't hurt anyone else.
I don't want to live as a failure. I am not the person who rises from it. I fall from it more and more until I just give up and I have accomplished nothing in 24 years of my existence. I have nothing that is mine matter how hard I work. Always someone better than me with better qualities. I sometimes want to bash people heads in who are better than me. Instead I am the one who gets his ass beat and now I am ****** for my negligence fear. Inside I am a desperate person who carves violence but is to cowardly to do anything. I don't even pray no more. I just want to **** it's all and just fri k myslef toll I die sometimes. But my body builds tough so that's a no go
It do or die at this point, the other choice seems alot more pleasant.
To me deep down I am a selfish and worthless human with no redeeming qualities. I am to meek to the point that I don't even stand up for myself. Nothing good about me and I'm boring to talk to. I have no choice but to give up. I will let out all my insecurities bare in group and one person therapy. I will hope they except the monstrous thoughts in my head. All the self pity and hatred I feel towards me and others. This will determine if I give up on my college life and try to find something less stressful. Or finally do the dirty deed so I don't hurt anyone else.
I don't want to live as a failure. I am not the person who rises from it. I fall from it more and more until I just give up and I have accomplished nothing in 24 years of my existence. I have nothing that is mine matter how hard I work. Always someone better than me with better qualities. I sometimes want to bash people heads in who are better than me. Instead I am the one who gets his ass beat and now I am ****** for my negligence fear. Inside I am a desperate person who carves violence but is to cowardly to do anything. I don't even pray no more. I just want to **** it's all and just fri k myslef toll I die sometimes. But my body builds tough so that's a no go
It do or die at this point, the other choice seems alot more pleasant.