I need support please (possible sexual ocd)

If there is any plus signs to be taken from all of this it is the fact that you have never acted out on any of your thoughts. Never gone near a child. Only you would know if children are the only things that can turn you on? Has anything else ever aroused you, other than the thoughts of children? This is why people never want to go near such posts. Because the average person would be digusted by such a way of thinking and the people who think this way. I am surprised your therapist had not got much to say or any way to help you. Or was your therapist a little put off by what you were saying? It is one of those subject matters people hate. Myself included. But you have never made your fantasy become a reality. It is all just thoughts. Thoughts are bad enough. As the majority of people could never look at a child in a sexual way. That seems to be what you are doing. Much like a gay person finds people of their own sex arousing to them. Straight people like the opposite sex. Pedophiles view kids as their taste in sex. I would never class it as an illness. I know some like to say it is. To me that is an excuse for people who like kids. If a therapist couldn't help you, I have no idea what people on a forum are meant to do to help you? Because I am guessing most of them won't touch this post. They would be sickened by it. Which I am sure you can understand. Maybe try and work out are they just thoughts or is this something you fear you might act on at some stage in life. If you think you will act on it maybe look up forms of castration in your area. Which is something some pedophiles actually have done before they can get to the point of acting on their thoughts. I know from listening to radio talk shows that such people do exist out there. Pedophiles who have never done anything to a kid. But who know that is what they are. Time to make your mind up. Are you one or are you not one? I am not buying the whole OCD thing. That is a bit like insulting people who have real OCD.

Have heard of similar before. Only that didn't involve sex. Person tells their therapist they fear they might kill a person. Why? because the thought is there in their head. These people would never harm anybody as a rule. So they are confused as to why the thought could be there. Hence they want to try and figure it out. They are having thoughts that they could kill someone. As that is not them as a rule it obviously frightens them. So I can only assume what you are going through is similar, only involving sexual thoughts and ideas. Things people know they should never do. The thought of doing such a thing jumps into their mind. For the simple reason that they know it is wrong. I had never heard of the whole OCD side of this sort of thinking. Because it is not something I think about. But thoughts about doing things that we know we should not do are common with some forms of anxiety. I used murder / killing a person. With you it is illegal sex with a minor. We also have people who fear they might harm family members. Which they would never really do. I think the thing is they have no idea what exactly their condition would make them do. You hear of mental illness. What exactly comes to mind? If I really think about it I know many serial killers who have been classed as mentally ill. A person with mental illness, who might be aware of such things, could think ' can I do that too '. They are unsure of what mental illness can make a person do. Considering we have killers classed as mentally ill. That would not apply to everybody. Some of us have our anxiety issues. We know that is all we have. Not sure if you would class your thoughts as intrusive thoughts? I would imagine so if you don't want them there.

I'd honestly get help if you're even having a thought of children.
I can tell you first hand the pain I've been through as a survivor of an adult touching me as a child.

The only part that did worry me was the part about getting the erection when he saw a kid, when at work. People not into kids would not get an erection. Obviously something turned him on when he saw that kid. But a therapist wouldn't help him. Where do you go for help?

hopeless98 said:

It would be easier for me to accept if I actually had an attraction to minors.

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You apparently do actually have an attraction to minors because the sight of one caused you to become sexually aroused. And by "minors" what are we talking about? Where I live a 15-year-old is a minor and so is a 5-year-old. How old are we talking about here?

I’m not going to bash or say anything that’s judgmental. I will say that 100%, help is needed. I’m 41, and I’ve had 18 year olds hit on me, and they look like kids. They literally do nothing for me. Now, are there young girls who look like grown women? Absolutely, but for me... even under 30 is pushing my interest level.

hopeless98 said:

It's ok, I'm not getting anywhere with any of you.

As far as I understand, how come physical reactions of adults vs a minor are different to me?

Why is it that it's always when I'm nervous I have such a reaction THAT I DONT WANT?

When any of you are attracted to someone, do you feel safe or threatened? I have a preference for ADULTS. I dont know WHY physical reactions occur as a result of anxiety or nervousness against kids of all things. I do not know. The only other responses I've gathered have been something like a groinal response.

What I want to know is WHY there is one at all when there shouldn't be. As I've said before MY PREFERENCE HAS BEEN TOWARDS ADULTS. I consider these reactions as separate from me. I dont see a kid and wonder of a life in partnership or marriage. For SOME REASON sexual thoughts and reactions come to mind SPECIALLY when I'm confronted with it.

I wanted to know if anyone else has had similar experiences and how to deal with them. My intention isn't to be a danger to anyone, which is easy to say since some pedophiles are that way. It's been a way of testing myself and my sexual reactions. I dont think that if I had Legitimiate and enjoyable sexual attraction to minors I wouldn't be posting here.

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Ok, let me ask this... are you afraid you have an unnatural attraction to minors? Or, do you actually have an attraction to minors?
If it’s a fear of having an attraction to minors, then that’s something that some people have. We all get strange fears about some things when it comes to our anxiety.
As was asked already... how old are these minors?

I have OCD and have had this fear before. The thing is - have you always had these feelings? Or do they just pop up now because you FEAR them? That is what OCD does - it preys on your worst fears. I have had so many odd fears over the years that would pop up and then go away as quickly as they came. Have you ever had an OCD fear before?

The fact you state “it would be easier for me to accept if I actually had an attraction to minors” leads me to believe you’re spending a great deal of time mentally obsessing about the matter. It’s time to bring this to a head. This clearly appears to be a sexual disorder that can have life-changing consequences, prison being one of them.

Check out OCD Center of Los Angeles and see if they’re a fit. ocdla.com They’ll work with you online, I believe. At this point, I wouldn’t let cost be a deterrent.

Let us know what you decide.


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Now that I think about it I actually used to know a woman on a different forum who had invasive thoughts of worrying she'd be aroused by children. She had a toddler son too so it really messed with her mind. She ended up seeking therapy for her fears and last I talked to her she said she no longer had thoughts like that. So yeah, that is a thing where a person might have an unwanted fear of being a pedophile. The difference bewteen her case and this one though is that, while she had the fear, she never actually became aroused by children.

The thing I find odd is that you are “pushing” these fantasies on yourself to see what kind of a reaction you get. I’m not trying to come across as mean, but this is what I get from this.
1. If you are purposely “pushing” these things on yourself, it’s because, somewhere inside, you want to think about it. I could be wrong. Anxiety can certainly cause unwanted thoughts, but most anxiety related thinking isn’t usually something that we “push” on ourselves.
2. If you reward yourself with porn, it sounds like you have a possible sexual addiction. You’re rewarding yourself with porn because you didn’t get aroused by a minor? See how that could be a potential issue?
3. you asked why age was a question... well, if we were talking about a 17 year old minor... it’s different from a 4 or 5 year old minor. Don’t you think? It’s true that both are “wrong”, but you could wait until a 17 year old turned 18.
I think in one form or another, this is something that needs to be addressed. Whether through therapy, hypnosis, or perhaps through some other method.

No one is going to be able to tell you for sure. We are not therapists.
I can tell you that I have what is called “Pure O OCD”. My compulsions aren’t physical acts but rather ruminating in my head or looking things up over and over and testing. I don’t struggle as much anymore but I went through some cycles of rough, tormenting times. Like, above someone talked about the fear of killing someone. That was my first OCD fear when I was around 19. I was terrified that I was a horrible person. Finally, after I had my 2nd child and had terrible Post-partum ocd, I went to a therapist and she told me what I had. I, in fact, am the least likely to do the things I fear bc I worry so much about the random thoughts that most people just think “WOW- that was weird. “ and they forget about it. If this sounds like you- go see a new therapist. You need to see someone who can help you.

hopeless98 said:

My therapist also stated that it is strange that I'm pushing the envelope on these fantasies. My reasoning is that I want to make absolutely 100 % sure that its something I don't want. Why would I still push it? Well, sometimes my mind asks "what about something like THIS?" And I think to not pay attention, but it nags at me because it'll show up anyway no matter how slight the trigger for the though is. It's all wanting to reassure myself that no matter how messed up the fantasy is, I wouldn't get aroused at all. THAT would be the ultimate answer. Sometimes I prove myself right and I can sleep at night. Other times, i get extra circulation down there and within 2 minutes I'm suicidal.

Could you expand a bit on 2 please? I cant seem to understand

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It sounds like you are ruminating. But again- I’m not a therapist. I just know that I have done the questioning thing you are doing about other OCD fears I’ve had.