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Can any one relate? maybe reassure me?

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cwhite1194

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Once a year or so I'll start to feel weird. I might start having vision problems or heart palpitations with an inability to sleep. All of a sudden my head feels full and my thoughts seems clouded and I become miserable. I just get super anxious and obsessively worry about it never going away and feeling this way forever and I just lose all joy in everything. I stop being able to focus I feel like my brain just stops working right. Its terrifying. I always try to tell myself that it is temporary (and so far it always has been) but I just can't stop worrying I'm going to feel this way forever. I have thoughts like, what if I have a tumor and its only going to get worse, or some weird disease, or something crazy. I tell myself in all likelihood I have an anxiety disorder and that every once in awhile the chemicals in my brain just get a little mixed up or that something triggers it and it will go away but I just can't stop worrying. I guess I'm just hoping that someone else goes through something similar to reassure that it will go away this time. If I could have some all knowing being come down and talk to me and be like "yeah you have this thing and once every year or so you are going to suffer but it will always go away after about 2 weeks to a month" then I'd be fine and be like oh okay, as long as I don't have to deal with it forever.
 
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Guitarist41

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Yes, it will always go away. ALWAYS. When you have endured a great amount of stress, part of your brain sort of shuts down to rest from being overloaded, so to speak. That causes you to feel strange and everything you have mentioned. I have been through what you have described likely hundreds of times. Finally, I stopped torturing myself when I realized that the more you worry, you’re simply causing it to last longer. Give yourself a break, and just tell yourself that it’s ok to feel that way. It’s ok the relax, and it’s ok to feel better.
 
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cwhite1194

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Guitarist41 said:
Yes, it will always go away. ALWAYS. When you have endured a great amount of stress, part of your brain sort of shuts down to rest from being overloaded, so to speak. That causes you to feel strange and everything you have mentioned. I have been through what you have described likely hundreds of times. Finally, I stopped torturing myself when I realized that the more you worry, you’re simply causing it to last longer. Give yourself a break, and just tell yourself that it’s ok to feel that way. It’s ok the relax, and it’s ok to feel better.
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I really love this explanation and hope its true. I've heard of the brain doing similar things during traumatic events like a sexual assault, mugging, ect. I haven't really experienced anything like that but I do have a moderate level of anxiety consistently (very manageable, still a happy life by my standards when I'm not in an episode like I am now) maybe this constant moderate level just builds until my brain does this every year or so. I wish I could know for sure.

The thing that always gets me (and makes it worse I think) is that about 6 years I got a head injury diagnosed as a concussion. The symptoms were very similar, paranoia, vision disturbances, insomnia. Maybe I have some sort of PTSD since this feels sort of similar to that.

Either way I just wish I could know that it will go away. I always tell myself it will like it always as but it just always feels like it won't. I was on prozac for about a year and a half and I didn't have an episode during that time but I felt dull. My girlfriend (still my current gf) told me after I stopped taking it that she felt like it made me a little emotionless and I didn't express my love for her very well. I wouldn't mind being on a medication especially if it makes this stop but I don't want it to take away who I am either.
 
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Guitarist41

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cwhite1194 said:
I really love this explanation and hope its true. I've heard of the brain doing similar things during traumatic events like a sexual assault, mugging, ect. I haven't really experienced anything like that but I do have a moderate level of anxiety consistently (very manageable, still a happy life by my standards when I'm not in an episode like I am now) maybe this constant moderate level just builds until my brain does this every year or so. I wish I could know for sure.

The thing that always gets me (and makes it worse I think) is that about 6 years I got a head injury diagnosed as a concussion. The symptoms were very similar, paranoia, vision disturbances, insomnia. Maybe I have some sort of PTSD since this feels sort of similar to that.

Either way I just wish I could know that it will go away. I always tell myself it will like it always as but it just always feels like it won't. I was on prozac for about a year and a half and I didn't have an episode during that time but I felt dull. My girlfriend (still my current gf) told me after I stopped taking it that she felt like it made me a little emotionless and I didn't express my love for her very well. I wouldn't mind being on a medication especially if it makes this stop but I don't want it to take away who I am either.
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it’s very common for medication to cause that feeling. Numb. However, it’s really just a lesser of two evils. There’s always using a mild dose of a benzodiazepine, something just to take as needed. You can also take Benadryl. It helps some people quite a bit
 
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PRguru_cfj

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I am not right emotionally. For the simplest things I get angery scared or sad for no reason. I do good at school work hard and try to help people around me as best as I can. But even though I do all that it still does not help. I'm at the point I just want to give up but at t hgv e same time the thought disgusts me and make me feel shameful. I want to quit for the dumbest reason and be alone. But the loneliness for not speaking up always hurts in sf ide and when I speak out I'm a raging sad mess. So what the point of it all even if I try my best. I fail and want to stay down. So what the point of trying anything. Hell if I know. I want inner peace, but I can never get it no matter how many tines I pray.
 
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Guitarist41

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PRguru_cfj said:
I am not right emotionally. For the simplest things I get angery scared or sad for no reason. I do good at school work hard and try to help people around me as best as I can. But even though I do all that it still does not help. I'm at the point I just want to give up but at t hgv e same time the thought disgusts me and make me feel shameful. I want to quit for the dumbest reason and be alone. But the loneliness for not speaking up always hurts in sf ide and when I speak out I'm a raging sad mess. So what the point of it all even if I try my best. I fail and want to stay down. So what the point of trying anything. Hell if I know. I want inner peace, but I can never get it no matter how many tines I pray.
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Let me ask you this... what is RIGHT emotionally? Everyone would give a different explanation. Words like “normal”? They’re a fallacy in the world. What’s normal to one, isn’t to another. It sounds to me that trying some different medications is worth a shot to find something that may really benefit you. Just give it some thought. I know you want peace, and the Lord CAN provide that, but remember when the disciples were on the ship during the storm? They were freaking out and scared. What was Jesus doing? He was asleep! That is beyond any kind of cool one could see. You have to go through storms with this, and you will learn through faith, and experience to give all you of your worries to Him. Don’t walk with the burden. My sermon is done, but you have to attack from all angles! No retreat! No surrender!
 
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PRguru_cfj

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Every time I mess up and struggle it's like I'm 10 years old again. I used to have this type of anxiety back in elementary school but NOW of times and places I get thease anxious outburst everytime I struggle. Just today I did a project and got mad at my bvb self for not doing it in one day granted I still have alot of time it. It's like I got this inner deamon or some bull like that been laying dormant until I mess up again. I truly my best and when it gets me know where I turn in to a ball of self loathing and grief and it's not b b healthy any more. Only thing that's pulling me back from me doing something stupid is my conscious and my the 4 people who live with me. I'm scared to think if I fail another assignment I'll go berserk and start hurrting things of my self. If I talk about it it will only drain and deeoed the burden that I place upon others. I'm sick and tried of trying when mentally I am screaming I CAN'T DO IT. But yet I still try, dont know why but I'm still here.
 
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PRguru_cfj

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Guitarist41 said:
Let me ask you this... what is RIGHT emotionally? Everyone would give a different explanation. Words like “normal”? They’re a fallacy in the world. What’s normal to one, isn’t to another. It sounds to me that trying some different medications is worth a shot to find something that may really benefit you. Just give it some thought. I know you want peace, and the Lord CAN provide that, but remember when the disciples were on the ship during the storm? They were freaking out and scared. What was Jesus doing? He was asleep! That is beyond any kind of cool one could see. You have to go through storms with this, and you will learn through faith, and experience to give all you of your worries to Him. Don’t walk with the burden. My sermon is done, but you have to attack from all angles! No retreat! No surrender!
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That was very sound answer, but I don't want to have a pill dictate who I am. My family takes pills for thier reason but I try to live healthy without them(except vitamins of course) my labor is a bit different, it like I'm facing three goliaths. Each one represents fear, doubt, and despair. I take down one , get jumped by two. I live carefully bit I fear one day those emotions will destroy me. Like one teacher once told me," if you can't control your emotions, you won't live your life". Afraid he was right. I want just let it out but it will turn me ugly. And that scares me everyday
 
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Guitarist41

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PRguru_cfj said:
That was very sound answer, but I don't want to have a pill dictate who I am. My family takes pills for thier reason but I try to live healthy without them(except vitamins of course) my labor is a bit different, it like I'm facing three goliaths. Each one represents fear, doubt, and despair. I take down one , get jumped by two. I live carefully bit I fear one day those emotions will destroy me. Like one teacher once told me," if you can't control your emotions, you won't live your life". Afraid he was right. I want just let it out but it will turn me ugly. And that scares me everyday
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I totally understand about the pills, and I was the same way! You do, however need to ask yourself, is it worth it yo get a little bit of relief? The idea is not to live on taking a pill, but letting a clearer mind with less anxiety, show you what life is like on that other side. It helps you to have something to shoot for, a goal. I also read a long time ago to not prove how tough you are by letting yourself suffer.
 
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