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Hi and welcome. It sounds rather simple to me. You have some strong beliefs and you'll have to decide whether to go against them or not. I don't believe anyone here will suggest a certain direction to take on your conundrum.

Hey there - I don't think there's anything bad about posting here, so don't stress over it. I just have a question - you mentioned that you're starting to be interested in a religion. Is there someone in your faith that you could talk to about it? Like a pastor or other leader? Without going down a rabbit hole of arguing here over religion, as anxiety sufferers, it's easy for ANYTHING to become an obsession that makes us beat ourselves up. A conscience is a good thing, and there is nothing wrong with choosing what you believe and living according to that belief. However, it sounds like you aren't sure what you believe on this subject, and you are putting a lot of guilt and shame on yourself over it, which doesn't help you. I would suggest studying, not being embarrassed to ask around, talk to a leader, etc. - then figure out the answer for yourself.