AnxiousBean
Member
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2019
- Messages
- 64
- Reaction score
- 24
Good afternoon friends,
So, shocker... I have health anxiety. REALLY bad. I've had it since I can remember. My mom was a nurse in the Navy, so I have always been knowledgeable about medical stuff and I've come to know that ignorance really is bliss. Anyway, my earliest memory of health anxiety came from when I had surgery to remove a tumor. I was around 12 years old at the time. I played soccer and honestly wasn't great at it. I hate running and would sometimes look for any excuse to not run, be it in P.E. or during soccer practice after school. Because of my bad wrap, I don't blame any adult in this situation, but the point of my story is that I knew something was wrong with my leg and I couldn't get anyone to believe me because, well, I said it hurt to run/jump/kick/participate in physical activities. I brought it up enough times to make my mom REALLY annoyed to point that she finally gave in and took me to a doctor to just show me that everything was fine, and to drop it. Lo-and-behold, I had a tumor in my leg. The doctor didn't really understand how I could have known it was there. There was no bump, no lump, nothing to indicate other than I just "knew". I felt like I needed to protect the leg during practice, I felt like I had to favor the other leg out of fear of breaking the one that felt "odd". It almost felt like my bone was bruised? To wrap this up, I knew from that moment that I needed to trust my gut. I would have lost my leg otherwise. Fast forward to 2010 - I kept feeling "off" after eating. I always had digestive issues growing up but they didn't necessarily interfere with my daily life, but after getting really ill in 2010 (H1N1) I kept getting ill 30-45 minutes after eating. I'd throw up, pass out, or have really awful diarrhea. My joints hurt, I was tired, irritable, and dropping weight FAST. I went to countless doctors and they all insisted I had a stomach virus or flu. I was in college so they brushed me off. I decided to not stop until I got someone to listen, and I was finally diagnosed with Celiac Disease.
This brings me to my real point... these two major events in my life came from me being my advocate, from me listening to the voice in my head saying something is wrong. Well, that voice has not left. It's constantly telling me that I have an infection (especially fixated on UTI's and tetanus for some reason), or that I will get a blood clot, or blah blah blah. The list goes on and I will spare you the rest... for now. I wish I had a way to turn this voice off. It's really ruining my life. My precious dog has picked up my anxiety and is now so anxious that I can't leave the house without him going crazy. My husband has been so supportive (he is the opposite of anxious) which helps, but I can tell it drives him mad and it hurts him to see me this way. My symptoms are twice as bad when I am alone, or when my husband goes away for work. I don't want to be afraid of living my life... I am missing out on happiness! I can't stand going to the doctor because I feel like once I start going, I can't stop. I can't trust the results. I don't want to disrespect my doctors and I want their answers to be enough.
Do any of you experience what I am going through? Do any of you have health anxiety and fear of being alone? If you take medication, what kind do you use? I am looking into getting on anxiety medication. This really has to stop.. I thank all of you in advance. I am so happy to be on this forum. I really feel better knowing I'm not alone and maybe I can help someone else!
So, shocker... I have health anxiety. REALLY bad. I've had it since I can remember. My mom was a nurse in the Navy, so I have always been knowledgeable about medical stuff and I've come to know that ignorance really is bliss. Anyway, my earliest memory of health anxiety came from when I had surgery to remove a tumor. I was around 12 years old at the time. I played soccer and honestly wasn't great at it. I hate running and would sometimes look for any excuse to not run, be it in P.E. or during soccer practice after school. Because of my bad wrap, I don't blame any adult in this situation, but the point of my story is that I knew something was wrong with my leg and I couldn't get anyone to believe me because, well, I said it hurt to run/jump/kick/participate in physical activities. I brought it up enough times to make my mom REALLY annoyed to point that she finally gave in and took me to a doctor to just show me that everything was fine, and to drop it. Lo-and-behold, I had a tumor in my leg. The doctor didn't really understand how I could have known it was there. There was no bump, no lump, nothing to indicate other than I just "knew". I felt like I needed to protect the leg during practice, I felt like I had to favor the other leg out of fear of breaking the one that felt "odd". It almost felt like my bone was bruised? To wrap this up, I knew from that moment that I needed to trust my gut. I would have lost my leg otherwise. Fast forward to 2010 - I kept feeling "off" after eating. I always had digestive issues growing up but they didn't necessarily interfere with my daily life, but after getting really ill in 2010 (H1N1) I kept getting ill 30-45 minutes after eating. I'd throw up, pass out, or have really awful diarrhea. My joints hurt, I was tired, irritable, and dropping weight FAST. I went to countless doctors and they all insisted I had a stomach virus or flu. I was in college so they brushed me off. I decided to not stop until I got someone to listen, and I was finally diagnosed with Celiac Disease.
This brings me to my real point... these two major events in my life came from me being my advocate, from me listening to the voice in my head saying something is wrong. Well, that voice has not left. It's constantly telling me that I have an infection (especially fixated on UTI's and tetanus for some reason), or that I will get a blood clot, or blah blah blah. The list goes on and I will spare you the rest... for now. I wish I had a way to turn this voice off. It's really ruining my life. My precious dog has picked up my anxiety and is now so anxious that I can't leave the house without him going crazy. My husband has been so supportive (he is the opposite of anxious) which helps, but I can tell it drives him mad and it hurts him to see me this way. My symptoms are twice as bad when I am alone, or when my husband goes away for work. I don't want to be afraid of living my life... I am missing out on happiness! I can't stand going to the doctor because I feel like once I start going, I can't stop. I can't trust the results. I don't want to disrespect my doctors and I want their answers to be enough.
Do any of you experience what I am going through? Do any of you have health anxiety and fear of being alone? If you take medication, what kind do you use? I am looking into getting on anxiety medication. This really has to stop.. I thank all of you in advance. I am so happy to be on this forum. I really feel better knowing I'm not alone and maybe I can help someone else!
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