Feeling like a burden..

And I have for a long time. There's times with my parents. Sometimes I love them and feel so lucky to have them. And others I wish they'd just give me up for adoption.. so maybe I can be understood by someone else. They attempt to understand my anxiety and my depression. But based on what they've said to me? You wouldn't believe it. My grandma said I made her sick today. My mom said I'm manipulative when I say I'm a burden. My aunt.. doesn't understand my anxiety in the slightest, and will routinely make me feel even more abnormal than I already am. They all do. ALL I want as someone with so many mental illnesses is to feel somewhat NORMAL. And they do the opposite of that. When I was about to commit suicide. What did they do? Scream in my face and tell me that I'm manipulating everyone, and did I mention call me a spoiled brat? I don't know. Our relationship used to be so good. But she blames everything on me being a teenager. Not to mention they laugh at everything I say, including my anxiety, like its a joke.

triceps said:

Well Grace, sounds like you're in a really tough spot. You won't be able to make any of your relatives understand anxiety. However, one way to gather some of their respect back for you is to concentrate on you, not them right now. You need some therapy and as soon as possible. Go to your school counselor, explain your situation and they'll steer you towards some help. Have you suggested to your Mom that you'd like to get some professional help? If she balks, remind her of your serious suicidal thoughts. Those can't be ignored by a responsible parent, nor should they be ignored by you. Being a teenager is tough even without the addition of anxiety/depression. So please, do whatever you need to to get some professional help, some counseling to help you deal with them and you.

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Thank you. I do have a physiologist, psychiatrist, and a therapist that I can see. Though the meetings are sporadic more often than not. Nothing weekly or monthly that I have set yet. I just kinda.. rant at places like this.

triceps said:

Well this is a good place to rant. If one of those professionals is aware of your suicidal thoughts, I, for one would feel better. Are you on any medication? Are any of your friends aware and accepting of your anxiety?

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I'm on Zoloft. I've been on it for a while now, and I have an appointment for her to check in on me. Friends? I don't have many of those to begin with. Anxiety and depression nowadays are kinda in a jokey sense, so I only refer it to that way. I've only opened up to two friends about my deeper struggles.