Health anxiety is taking over my life!

Hey everyone! I’m new here and have been suffering with health anxiety for about 6 years now. It all started after my grandmother passed away suddenly, my father-in-law being diagnosed with cancer, my sister-in-law’s dad passing away unexpectedly, and then my uncle passing away unexpectedly, all in a matter of 4 months. I got to the point that I was terrified to answer the phone and would call my family members every morning and check on them to make sure they were okay. I’ve thought I’ve had so many illnesses that there are way too many to count, but the major ones are colon cancer, ectopic pregnancy, blood clots, brain tumor, breast cancer, lymphoma, and the most recent, numb chin syndrome. I was on citalopram 20 mg and took myself off of them bc I got to the point that when my grandfather was terminally ill and then passed away, I couldn’t even force myself to cry.
So here I am constantly checking my chin to make sure I still have feeling in it, and any little twinge of anything sets me off. I’m so sick of living this way. I go from feeling fine for an hour or so, telling myself I’m fine, to crying and imagining my kids without a mom. It’s a miserable way to live but I don’t know how to stop feeling this way. I joined so maybe talking to other people with similar issues may help me to deal with this. I feel so alone bc I’m embarrassed to tell my family. I’ve already driven them to the point of them thinking I’m crazy. They don’t know how to help me anymore.

Thank you for your welcome and reply, triceps! I’m with you! I don’t want to talk to my family bc they would just get upset and tell me I’m being irrational again, which is something I already know. I’m currently debating on whether or not to go back on my citalopram. Right now I’m leaning towards starting it back.