I can't take this much longer.

I know it looks like a clickbait. I'd probably be fine, after God knows what amount of time. But in this moment I really feel like I can't do it anymore. I just want to feel safe and do what my heart desires, and nit be stopped by a seemingly impenetrable force.
I tried and tried. I have been dealing with GAD all the way back as long as I can remember, and it has robbed me of so many things. Opportunities. Friendships. So many things that could have made a difference.
I'm not the brightest, but certainly not stupid. I'm here procrastinating and almost physically unable to function, and the big college entrance exam is about 60 days away. I could have done SO MUCH this entire year. Except I didn't. I don't want my future ruined, and no one seems to understand. No one sees how much pain, physically and mentally, I am in. I know it isn't right to have such expectation, but I just want my friends and tutors to understand.
I struggle to even sleep now. There is not a day I went by without anxiety hovering over me. And no, I cannot afford therapy. Therapy isn't an option, at least in my opinion, no natter what my parents think, because that is truly a luxury to us. Not to mention I have been to two therapists before and the process is just unbearably slow and ineffective.
I really can't do it anymore. I truly, wholeheartedly see no way out.
Waking up is a chore. Doing stuff is a chore. Not being obsessed with my health and future is a chore. I only go through days like a robot nowadays. By numbing my emotions, just to not go insane.
I know there are people way less fortunate than I am, and I seem like a kid whining about life, but it really hurts for me, at least in my situation.
I'm so sorry for the rant. It's ok if you didn't want to read that.

triceps said:

Hi Keculator. I was so bummed at your post that I've had to take awhile before replying. You know, I've been dealing with chronic GAD for over 50 years. I too have missed much because of it. What saddened me so much is how young you are. It's a huge plus for you in many ways but your age is also a much harder time to be going through with your heightened anxiety. I hope writing about your situation has been helpful for you.
Kelculator, you're in a serious, temporary funk right now. You've already conquered so many challenges in spite of your GAD. Be confident that "this too shall pass" and you'll do just great on your college entrance tests and you'll get back to a life with a reasonable level of GAD.

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Thank you. You've been so kind and understanding.