Really anxious about upcoming surgery...

triceps said:

Each and every morning I wake up so anxious that I'm in a state I call "completely baffled". Sometimes I'm unable to feed our dog. Thankfully, I'm always able to let her outside to do her "business". Every little task including doing my "business" just seems so complicated. If I don't have the coffee pot set up so I just flip the switch, it'll be at least an hour before I've settled down enough to be able to put a new filter, coffee and water into the coffee maker. Seems like rocket science at the time. It's a couple of hours before I can take my daily shower as heaven forbid, we're talking a really complicated task there. Plus I always embarrass myself if I look down. So very simple tasks just overwhelm me each morning during my "baffled" period. If I have something I have to go to I get up three hours beforehand otherwise I feel rushed. Weird eh?

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It doesn't sound weird to me - I go through phases exactly like that, though it usually only lasts a couple of weeks. Have you ever done a sleep study?? I'm not trying to oversimplify, by any means, but I discovered that I have very mild sleep apnea. Nothing to endanger my health or anything, but I do stop breathing, all night. Which means my body goes into fight or flight several times per hour, all night. I was waking up shaking, and confused - like I was having panic attacks while sleeping. And it turns out I essentially was! Having said that, I know GAD is very real, and it may not be physical like that for you - but just wondering if you have ever checked out your sleep patterns?

triceps said:

I wish that apnea would be an explanation. My wife says I sleep like a log except for some occasional wheezing from my smoking. I don't even snore and she has never noticed any stoppage of my breathing. I'm assuming it has something to do with my body and mind needing time for my meds to kick in. But it just shouldn't take that long. I wake up very unsteady on my feet and have to be careful with stairs until things even out. Thank you very much for the suggestion as it could've been a solution if I had any of the apnea symptoms. I've even got a CPAP machine left over from when we were taking care of my father.

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Worth a shot. That sounds like buckets of fun every day. Again, I just go through phases where I feel similarly, but it passes after a couple of weeks. I can't imagine dealing with it long-term.

By the way - never use somebody else's CPAP. they're adjusted for your body and breathing.



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Rosy said:

Hey guys I am having trouble with my computer. Going to have my grandson look at it as he works with computers. So if you don't see me on here for a few days you will know why. I'm hoping it is resolved so I can find out how your Surgery goes. Hurt&Hopeful. And to see what you are up to Triceps.

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Oh no! Hope you can get it fixed - and thanks for the well wishes. I'm sure it's going to go just fine. I hope you have a peaceful rest of the weekend...

triceps said:

Rosy, that's what grandsons are for. I'm actually a computer repairman. I used to work in a shop but the drive got to be too much for me. Now I do it from home for free for anyone in our rural neighborhood. It's my community contribution as the area folks learned long ago to not ask me for any manual labor help. I'm just too lazy. They usually will pay me with pecan pies, maple syrup or something similar as I will not take any money.

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So cool! What a great way to contribute... We have some elderly folks in our neighborhood, and my husband often cuts their lawns for them since we have a big tractor mower with a bag. He gets paid in treats for our kid, food, etc. Once in the fall, someone left some hay bales covered in beautiful gourds and pumpkins in our front lawn. We still have no idea who it was - it's just great to live in a community where people know each other.

WHEW - lots of butterflies and anxiety tonight. I'm pretty proud of how I'm dealing with it so far, but I sure am ready for this to be over with. I'm trying to stay calm and still and just ride out the hours without having a full blown panic attack. My husband took my son to stay with family members, so that should take some pressure off....but I have a feeling it's going to be a long night. I can feel my stomach charting to churn and my heart fluttering a little....

Thank you both!!! I am trying to laugh it off. I'm watching old SNL clips on YouTube to make myself laugh, and enjoying the empty house. It will be over soon.

Whew - I AM going to survive tonight, right? Hahaha - Right now it doesn't feel like it. Longest night ever.

Rosy said:

Yes you will survive the night. lol The rough part is now. In a few hours when you get up you'll be busy and some of the anxiety will let up. Try to sleep and think of nothing else but sleeping.

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Haha - thanks, friend. I'm washing my hair and getting ready for the morning. Trying to get reeeeeeally tired. So far not tired - just feeling weird. BUT - It's not extreme and I'm getting through it. Thanks for sending a sign of life. Good to feel that there are people out there that understand.

Rosy said:

I understand. You are handling this better than I would. lol And I may be looking at surgery for my abdominal aortic aneurysm. I see the surgeon Mar. 1 and will find out then. So, yes, I understand. You seam to have a good handle on this. And even people who don't have our problem are very anxious when they are facing something like this so we are normal. lol

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You're so sweet. Yep, I'm feeling pretty NORMAL anxious tonight, and you have no idea what big progress this is for me. I have had panic attacks since I was young, but when I was younger I had gotten to a place where they didn't control me - I was pretty good at working through them. Then a few years back I was under an enormous amount of stress and several difficult things happened all within about 6 months of each other, and I was living overseas and didn't have a lot of resources...my marriage was struggling at the time...I just had a complete breakdown and was severely depressed, even suicidal. It was a dark time. During that time, I was in an accident that put me in the hospital for about 2 weeks, where I was flat on my back and underwent several difficult procedures, then several more weeks of recovery. I am so blessed that I was not badly injured physically in a way that would affect me long-term, but it left me with a general terror of hospitals and being immobilized, primarily because of all of the other things that were going on in my life at the time. It just felt completely hopeless. I couldn't be further from that place now - my husband and I have healed our marriage, we have a beautiful son (which I never thought I would have), and I have worked through so many things in therapy. But I've dealt with some PTSD from that entire year, which I'm dealing with as I have time. I wasn't expecting to do this right now, but I'm trying to see it as a chance to get through this fear. Because all I WANT to do is run away as fast as I can. In this case, that's LITERALLY not an option. So if I can get through this, I feel like I can get through anything, and continue healing.

A fish bone?!?! Ugh, that is horrifying! It makes me hurt just thinking about it. (shudder) Yep, we are survivors. Tonight I'm surviving well - just wish I could get sleepy. lol I'm trying not to stress over the fact that I'm not. I sent my husband to sleep in our son's room (he's not here) so I wouldn't keep him up, and I'm just chilling out, watching TV, and processing all of this in my brain. There are some memories coming up, and I'm trying not to run away from them - just let them come and realize that that's not who or where I am anymore. Everything is ok, and this will be over soon.

By the way, is it as late for you as it is for me? It's midnight here!