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How to stop being a perfectionist?

Kelculator

Kelculator

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I have always been a perfectionist and that has caused me a lot of anxiety and allowed me to chronically procrastinate. I worry about what others think of me, my ability, and how capable I am, and feel like the mistakes I make during tasks would haunt me in the future.
Sometimes it is illogical. Even failing a mock test would make me really embarrassed and frustrated.
I grew up in my grandparents' house at a young age, where sexism was... awful to say at least, and I was given a lot of stereotypes on how females are just born bad at math, less intelligent than males, etc. So it was a contributing factor for me to do my best, and "prove them wrong".
The idea of me being underestimated is just so horrifying for me.
Any suggestions to help me get through this?
 
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triceps

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Kelculator said:
I have always been a perfectionist and that has caused me a lot of anxiety and allowed me to chronically procrastinate. I worry about what others think of me, my ability, and how capable I am, and feel like the mistakes I make during tasks would haunt me in the future.
Sometimes it is illogical. Even failing a mock test would make me really embarrassed and frustrated.
I grew up in my grandparents' house at a young age, where sexism was... awful to say at least, and I was given a lot of stereotypes on how females are just born bad at math, less intelligent than males, etc. So it was a contributing factor for me to do my best, and "prove them wrong".
The idea of me being underestimated is just so horrifying for me.
Any suggestions to help me get through this?
Click to expand...
All of those worries are illogical or just society's views of what role one should play. You can try to give no credence to the stereotypes if you choose. You are a very capable, smart person who happens to be female. You're very hard on yourself regarding making mistakes so you become a perfectionist. That's ok if practiced in moderation. You don't have to prove anything as deep down you know you've got many abilities and if you just try your best at whatever you do, that's all that can be expected.
 
Kelculator

Kelculator

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triceps said:
All of those worries are illogical or just society's views of what role one should play. You can try to give no credence to the stereotypes if you choose. You are a very capable, smart person who happens to be female. You're very hard on yourself regarding making mistakes so you become a perfectionist. That's ok if practiced in moderation. You don't have to prove anything as deep down you know you've got many abilities and if you just try your best at whatever you do, that's all that can be expected.
Click to expand...
Thank you. I just wish I didn't care that much about what others think.
 
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Miha87

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Kelculator said:
Thank you. I just wish I didn't care that much about what others think.
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It's hard to. What worked for me ( a little) was CBT therapy. It's a long term process mind you but there are worksheets online that could help you work through it if you don't have access to a therapist.
 
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Hurt&Hopeful

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I wish I had good advice. :) You sound SO much like me as a teenager. I held onto it for years - unfortunately, the thing that finally cured me of perfectionism was failure. And I mean BIG, catastrophic, humiliating failure. And you know what? I survived it and lived to tell about it. :) I learned that failure isn't fatal.

It sounds like you have a lot of pressure on you - be kind to yourself, because you are enough. If you like math, do math. Enjoy math. But if you don't, that's also ok - you have nothing to prove, and you will be ok! :)

Thanks for sharing with us...
 
Kelculator

Kelculator

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Hurt&Hopeful said:
I wish I had good advice. :) You sound SO much like me as a teenager. I held onto it for years - unfortunately, the thing that finally cured me of perfectionism was failure. And I mean BIG, catastrophic, humiliating failure. And you know what? I survived it and lived to tell about it. :) I learned that failure isn't fatal.

It sounds like you have a lot of pressure on you - be kind to yourself, because you are enough. If you like math, do math. Enjoy math. But if you don't, that's also ok - you have nothing to prove, and you will be ok! :)

Thanks for sharing with us...
Click to expand...
Thank YOU for replying. I can sincerely sense your kindness and understanding through the screen. :)
 
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AngryLily

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I used to be a perfectionist until I realized that nobody is perfect.There is beauty in being imperfect. If we were all perfect, we would be boring robots.

As for the anxiety with math, you have the ability to prove them wrong! But you don't need to get 100% all the time to do so. Just do better then them(Hopefully they don't get 100% all the time.)
 
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