MasterRoshi
Member
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2018
- Messages
- 66
- Reaction score
- 13
So I have this odd feeling of doom. Andbts hadd to explain. I have therapy today and want to express it to her, but can’t even think straight about it so maybe writing here first will help.
For the last 5 months I’ve been doing a daily routine that was based on me getting healthy. I was doing about 3 hours of routine every morning, but more that that I had time to contemplate my past actions and how I want my future self to act. I was setting small goals to work towards such as being a better husband, or becoming more extroverted (not letting millions of tiny fears to stop me from being my true self while in public).
I had all of these plans...many I wrote down. Many I was just thinking about, but mostly it was an overall attitude that I had and my morning routine helped me maintain that attitude. An attitude of being very conscious of who I am, and who I want to become. Also, I was trying to become more myself, rather than a Chameleon.
I was also focusing on my physical health, with exercise daily, and an eating schedule while spending time counting calories.
I have many life altering events recently, the most insane was my wife leaving me 5 months ago which sparked this recovery of mine. There’s a lot of drama tied to this and many details that I’ll skip over, but basically I was also giving her and myself lots of attention around this event and working towards mending our relationship.
And finally, I was learning how to have friends and be more socially involved. I was making friends at my 12 step meetings and from online forums. I was calling and texting very regularly throughout the day. I was talking with aquaintences and attempting to transform them into friendships.
Oh and lastly I was never rushing around. I would give myself enough time in between everything I did so I could feel relaxed and never strung out.
—
Now with work I feel like all of the above is gone. That I don’t have the time or mental capacity to focus on any of it. I haven’t been diligent in my self worn, I haven’t been able to talk to friends often. I haven’t been able to reach out to my wife much (we’re living separate places). I just haven’t been able to give any of this attention...
I’ve also noticed I’m being my old self at work, using extreme sarcasm and humor to survive socially rather than being the person I’ve been working towards these last 5 months.
It just feels really bad and like all of my priorities from the last 5 months are all out of whack and I’m falling apart and the seams.
I think more than anything it was the constant thinking about my life and how to improve it that made me feel like I was advancing, and now I have very little time to do work on myself and even less time to stop and think about myself, making my connection to all of the above activities seem further away and not as forward in my thoughts.
For the last 5 months I’ve been doing a daily routine that was based on me getting healthy. I was doing about 3 hours of routine every morning, but more that that I had time to contemplate my past actions and how I want my future self to act. I was setting small goals to work towards such as being a better husband, or becoming more extroverted (not letting millions of tiny fears to stop me from being my true self while in public).
I had all of these plans...many I wrote down. Many I was just thinking about, but mostly it was an overall attitude that I had and my morning routine helped me maintain that attitude. An attitude of being very conscious of who I am, and who I want to become. Also, I was trying to become more myself, rather than a Chameleon.
I was also focusing on my physical health, with exercise daily, and an eating schedule while spending time counting calories.
I have many life altering events recently, the most insane was my wife leaving me 5 months ago which sparked this recovery of mine. There’s a lot of drama tied to this and many details that I’ll skip over, but basically I was also giving her and myself lots of attention around this event and working towards mending our relationship.
And finally, I was learning how to have friends and be more socially involved. I was making friends at my 12 step meetings and from online forums. I was calling and texting very regularly throughout the day. I was talking with aquaintences and attempting to transform them into friendships.
Oh and lastly I was never rushing around. I would give myself enough time in between everything I did so I could feel relaxed and never strung out.
—
Now with work I feel like all of the above is gone. That I don’t have the time or mental capacity to focus on any of it. I haven’t been diligent in my self worn, I haven’t been able to talk to friends often. I haven’t been able to reach out to my wife much (we’re living separate places). I just haven’t been able to give any of this attention...
I’ve also noticed I’m being my old self at work, using extreme sarcasm and humor to survive socially rather than being the person I’ve been working towards these last 5 months.
It just feels really bad and like all of my priorities from the last 5 months are all out of whack and I’m falling apart and the seams.
I think more than anything it was the constant thinking about my life and how to improve it that made me feel like I was advancing, and now I have very little time to do work on myself and even less time to stop and think about myself, making my connection to all of the above activities seem further away and not as forward in my thoughts.
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