You are worth everything

LoveWarrior said:

I want to make my first post a positive one to set the tone. I really love helping people, it's been a part of me my whole life. I just want you to know that I'm not the only one. You most likely are the same, we all tend to be compassionate people in this group of social anxiety. I honestly believe because of this that you are worth everything to the world. You are the one who can change spirits. You are the one who can heal the broken hearted with your words. We may not say a lot, but when we do it really means something. I truly believe you are amazing and can save someone else from ending it all. Just remember that you could be saving others if you could overcome your social anxiety. I love you guys, goodnight.

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Peacelily said:

LoveWarrior than you for writing that post. It was fortuitous for me to read it this morning, as I just spent the morning lamenting over ALL of my failed friendships from the past 20 years (am I a masochist, maybe?). I went so far as to look former friends up on Facebook. A good friend of mine I met online, and then later met in person and spent time with, just deleted me from her Facebook profile. I tried to call her, but my phone # was blocked. I emailed her yesterday, but no response from her today. I have no idea what I did wrong. I think it is hard to maintain real friendships online, where physical distance (we live in separate states) is involved. I even have friends in other countries whom I can't financially afford to fly over to stay with, and I'm always invited for a visit. It's very depressing.

So, when I read your post today, I was reminded that despite my 20 years of mistakes with people, I'm still alive, and that means I STILL have time to reach out to those former friends to at least say hello, without any expectations of repair. One former friend and I recently reconnected and she invited me to her house for a casual dinner party with her girlfriends. I first accepted her invitation, but then later declined. I told her, I felt too overwhelmed by the way our friendship faded away without any word from her (she left to work in another state, never returned my phone calls, and for 3 years was silent on social media and email). I was very hurt. So, I laid out the boundary that if she wanted to get together one-on-one with me to chat about our friendship and see where we're at, we can take it one step at a time. She messaged me asking me to still come over to her dinner party, but I still declined. I didn't want to have to be there with other women I don't know, while I try to put on a fake smile as I try to process why she rejected my friendship. It would have been very awkward for me to go, so I am happy that I didn't go.

Then I met another woman who lives in my apt. bldg and we hung out, and have a lot in common. I hope that we can become good friends but I am so socially awkward, having lost connections with people and been socially alone for ten years now, with no social network anymore. My high rent takes up 90% of my income, and I have nothing left over after I pay my rent late, pay my bills and buy groceries, to go to Meetups to meet new people to socialize. It's a very vicious cycle. So, I'm trying to change that by looking for new jobs, and finding ways to save some money.

I want to believe that I will connect with new people who see that I have value and have a lot to offer them as a friend. I'm middle-aged, so I'm very sad for the ways that I squandered my 20s and 30s, not establishing myself in a career or long term friendships or hobbies etc. Nothing sustainable. I have nothing to show for those years except photographs of long gone friendships. So, I want to start over.

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