Random Thoughts Journal

Well I have to vent before my therapy appointment which is soon... I woke up at 8am and went to the fridge to get cold water. The fridge was open. I closed it and ignored checking the contents. This has happened before but never for 7 hours straight. My boyfriend was the last one who was at the fridge and sadly enough it is always him who this happens too. I was pretty calm but he was in a ugly mood over it because we had to dump the milk we just bought, mayo, bacon, among other things... I just said "We need to be more careful" I am such a worry wort I always double check to make sure the fridge is closed after opening it...


I am kind of sad as we just bought that milk but it is what it is... I mean really nothing can be done but buy new milk so why cry over spilled milk? (PUN) but I didn't laugh. My therapy appointment is on my mind a lot today, a part of me doesn't want to go... I never called the Dollerama or went there in person to see if I got the job. But honestly, if he never called my references.... What is the point? Yeah a bit negative this morning I am sure I will feel okay after therapy and a quick trip to the library but even that I am not looking forward too as it could be busy since there is a festival today with quilt shows.

This past week has been pretty positive. I got hired at the Dollarama and start this week coming! I am very anxious but also excited to be back in the work force. It may be seasonal sadly but I have done night stocking before and liked it very much. If they need more people after Christmas then some of us may be kept on (based on performance). So I plan on working very hard to prove myself. After Christmas the hours are part time but still it would be good for me. I also had a nice shopping trip with my bestie and got a small book haul.


I am thinking of making a Youtube video on my haul but not sure yet. The only negative thing is my dreams. When I am sleeping I mean, I keep having very strange dreams. I was reading the booklet that came with my anti depressant and one of the side effects is listed as "strange dreams". I am not concerned about it because it is is just dreams but the fact that these dreams are so weird makes it kind of strange and creepy.


I have been reading more which is why the small book haul happened, well that and Value Village had the books 50% off, it was hard to pass that one up! I am almost done the book I got from the library. I am hoping to keep reading and start journaling more as well.


I am happy that I have not been feeling depressed as of lately but I have been feeling anxious in place of it which is annoying. But I am proud of the day I did the book haul. It was busy and I did not want to go inside. Having my friend with me helped though and it wasn't bad. I even ate at Burger King inside which I never do, I always ask if we can eat in the car. So for being out around people I did well that day. I guess all I can do is keep trying. I am determined not to always let my anxiety consume me, it has stopped me from doing things in the past, so it is time for change.

Everyone thanks so much for the positive feedback. I have done stocking before and even though it is repetitive it is fun, I don't find it boring and like seeing new products as they come in and such. The sleeping late is not agreeing with me but I haven't started yet. I should be starting Tuesday now hopefully. So I was trying to get my sleep on track before starting the job.


I guess while I am here in the journal I will do a quick entry. I think I made my best friend angry. I was awake at 12pm today which really is to early to be awake when working back shift but like I said still working on the sleep thing. My friend asked if I wanted to go for a walk and I said maybe. I had just woke up so going for a walk was the last thing on my mind in that moment. I like taking my time when I wake up. Today is no different, it is Sunday so there might be some lazyness too... But I got up, had my coffee and toast and relaxed a bit. During this me and the friend were texting and such and an hour had past and he asked if I was going for a walk or not.


Now since I had not been awake for very long I wasn't expecting a walk right away because he said later. So I told him I still had to get ready but was feeling a bit lazy so was unsure about a walk. We had just hung out the day before and I don't tend to do do things 2 days in a row with anyone. I think he tried to make me feel a bit guilty because I am suppose to try getting fresh air for therapy and though that is true I just wasn't feeling it for a walk. But what was annoying more so was that he said he needed to know if we were going for this walk to know if he was going or not. I really can't understand why if someone wants to exercise or walk, why they cannot do it alone?


When I am in the mood to walk I will take one alone, no questions asked. I guess I just find it weird behavior. Ah well. Now that I been awake a while I might ask him if he wants to go for a walk or not.

Well today was my first day at the new job. It was orientation from 10am-1pm. The day was kind of chaos for me because I felt thrown to the wolves! At past jobs those orientations were similar, videos, paperwork and question and period time... Well when I first got there the girl on cash was very rude with me when I told her I was there for orientation. She was half yelling at me and said "YEAH WITH WHO" There was an older woman in the line and she looked shocked. This cashier is someone I use to wait on at the corner store I worked at. Her and her man both are very rude people. And no I am not just saying that my best friend worked at the store too and they were rude to him too.


There was trouble at the clocking in machine it wouldn't accept my finger print for some reason so that held up 20 minutes until the manager gave up and said we would try and end of shift. After that he took us to a cash register where we were going to watch a merchandising video. I found this odd because well it would mean customers would hear it too. Turns out we couldn't do that either because the cash system has no audio increase. There is a laptop the managers use but they seem to take it home and the 2nd one never bought it in. Not a huge deal to me I just found it rather unorganized...


Since we couldn't do either thing he said he was putting us with 2 very experienced people to help them with stocking for a bit. He said "for a bit" which I figured wouldn't be the whole 3 hours. I also wasn't expecting to be thrown out into that with customers in the store as I was expecting our start time to be 11pm or 12am. Anyways I was put with a girl from another store and she though taught me well was hardcore down talking our store... Saying how nothing was merchandised right, no planogram was being followed, etc. Maybe our store is a mess? I don't know it was my first day lol. Then she was swearing too while talking which I didn't mind but she was doing it with customers in the aisle! There is a time and place for that, to me that is really rude and I doubt people want to hear that kind of talk. At my old jobs I never swore unless alone or under my breath. An older lady came down the aisle and gave us both dirty looks, I wasn't swearing mind you but that is what happened.


Anyhow I was in the first 2 sections which had bakeware, kitchen, cleaning, paper towels, etc. I am being told by her that these probably will be my sections. So during my first shift and there after I will have to get all the stock out possibly myself, but not sure. Ah well. She left me alone a lot which wasn't a big deal but I was very anxious when 6 or more customers were in my aisle but I handled it well and had 5 people ask me questions and I helped 3 well enough, not sure of the other two.


Once our aisle was done we were taking stuff to the backroom and she yelled for the manager. He wanted to talk to us me and the other new person. Well we never got to hear about polices like we were suppose to. The manager just said we will be working Monday-Friday next week from 4am-12pm. I am not going to lie my heart sank to that. I thought it would be 11pm-12am like he told me during the interview. So I am going to have to suck it up if I want to keep this job. 4 hours alone and 4 hours with customers probably won't be as bad as it sounds it just sucked not being able to properly help some. And when I couldn't find my trainer I would ask random employees for help, they were way kinder than her though.


My therapy was rescheduled for 2:30 today and my therapist helped me through it and offered some suggestions. And congratulated me for working through my anxiety a positive way. So next week my Tuesday appointment will be at 2:30pm again since I won't get home until after 12pm. I need to change my sleep around again now since being told a different schedule. Oh as well the lunchroom appeared to have no fridge I had planned on taking salads and stuff so I guess I will need to toss a couple ice packs into my lunch bag. I am not spending money everyday at McDonalds or Subway like a lot of the other workers do. I need to save money not waste it.


I had to vent today was exciting and I am proud I got through it and the older customers were so happy when I helped them and thanking me, that made my day. One person was kinda annoyed but she left the aisle so oh well I guess. I am still unsure if this is seasonal only but hoping things work out.

I have not found out about discounts yet... But Monday when I work 4am-12pm I  am going to try and find out then. I hope that shift is temp I would rather work 12am-8am. Oh may I ask where you are living? Country wise? I am curious now. In my community in the fast food and retail we have people from the community working those jobs and Mexican people as well. I have yet to notice a favoritism over who is hired though. I would use my phone notes too but I just hate typing on the phone. I am going to start carrying a notebook with me though to pop thoughts down as they come.