What not to do when someone is having a panic attack

[cafwen]

Having had a close friend who started suffering from panic attacks a few years ago, I know first hand how helpless you can feel as a bystander, not knowing what to do or how to help. I stumbled across this article on the Huffington Post which highlights a different aspect - what NOT to do.


Some of their tips include avoiding telling the person to 'calm down', (I'm sure that must be frustrating!), and not to freak out yourself over the incident. I wondered if any of the sufferers here have advice to add? What do people do when you're having an attack that doesn't help at all or even makes it worse?

 

[rz3300a]

Well this is certainly helpful, so thank you for sharing this. I have heard quite a bit on what and what not to do in the event of a panic attack, and to be honest I cannot really point to anything in particular that is a universal do or don't do, meaning I think that it varies a lot on the person. That said, though, I guess I get where not telling people to "calm down" is something that you might want to get out there as a no no, but I am nor sure it is really that big of a deal. These things are certainly nice to know though, and probably should be made more available to the general public. Interesting stuff, and thanks for sharing.

 

[lexinonomous]

The best advice that I can find in this article is to not tell someone to calm down. When telling someone to calm down, it feels as if you're trying to make less of what they are experiencing. Sometimes, people struggle to recognize what a panic attack really entails. I have had many people tell me to calm down while experiencing panic and it's never helpful. At times, it can make you panic more due to thinking there is something wrong with the way you are acting. That has to be the best advice I can find in the article.


Being empathetic is important. No one wants to experience panic and it's hard when no one around you is showing any form of sympathy. It's beyond a person's control and sometimes, you just need someone to understand and tell you it's going to be okay.

 

[katelynwiersma]

I think sometimes just letting them know that you're there for them is enough. You can't really fix it and getting stressed out will only make it worse. Ask if there's anything you can do for them, if not sit beside them and comfort them when needed. If it is about a specific topic, sometimes offering a logical perspective is helpful.

 

[Corzhens]

Not to calm down or relax may not be appropriate? I didn't know that. When I first encountered my husband with anxiety attack, I didn't know what to do and from what I remember, I didn't say anything except asking him of his condition - numbness in his hands and feet, difficulty in breathing, slur in speech, etc. But in the later attacks, I have learned to divert his attention and he also knew that he should not focus on the attack. For me, with my near anxiety attacks, I also do that diversionary tactics and what's good now is that I can use my phone to play games. It may sound corny but candy crush helps alleviate anxiety from progressing in me.

 

[hades_leae]

The last time I saw someone have a panic attack was on youtube. There was this woman who was making a video on speaking in public, and in front of cameras. It started out OK, and then she started pausing, it was only her in the room with the camera man. I was wondering what was wrong with her. She said "uh oh", she knew it was coming. And as she was trying to speak, she started to cry because it was so hard for her to get the words out, so she just paused for like 2 minutes to let it pass.


She then started telling the people that over time she got control of when she had it, but in that moment she just lost control. It happened because she said she started thinking of how hard it was in her past as she was speaking about her past, and that's why she started to panic, but then got herself together.


Like I said it was her and the cameraman, and he did nothing but let her deal with it. There's nothing much that you can really do, but let them deal with it as it passes, which could be the best option since they need to learn how t control it over time. My opinion.

 

[whysewserious]

Thank you for sharing this link. My boyfriend periodically experiences panic attacks and they a frightening to watch...so I can't imagine experiencing one first hand. I always equated telling someone going through that to "calm down" is like telling a depressed person "it's all in your head" (I have my depression under management, and being told that always made it worse) or an angry women that they are over-reacting.


Usually he goes from wanting to be held physically to pushing me away and needing space to wanting to be comforted again. The first time was especially tough as it felt like an outright rejection of myself. But it isn't about me, as the witness. I usually cradle his head and sometimes even hum to him, and when he needs the distance I give it to him...I'll go make him a cup of tea. By the time I get back and he sips it for a bit, he wants me to hold him again.


I know everyone is different and needs/wants different things, but that is what has worked for us so far. Just "riding it out" so to speak, and just being there when he needs me.

 

[kelden]

To be empathetic and being able to listen what they need, I really don't trust these suggestions would entirely works. A panic attack over nothing is irrational, therefore you can expect the person to react in a way is beyond his/her control. Of course, if you end up freaking out too then thing gonna get awfully worse fast, a person suffering from


panic attacks needs the support from someone capable to control his/her own emotions.

 

[RothStone]

One of the first things I do with my wife is just hold her hand, and she knows I'm not going anywhere. I'll ask her what triggered her panic attack, and sometimes she'll kind of be out of breathe, so I'll wait.


It be the most random things. When we were out at the restaurant last weekend, she had one when the waitress came up to her. She told me is was the fact that she knew the woman was about to talk to her, and for some reason the attack just came on. I saw it in her face, so I started talking to the waitress, and also ordered for my wife. I knew what she wanted.

 

[stephonline]

Thank you for posting this! The best times is when people tell me that everything will be fine and that this will pass. When they downplay the panic then it usually goes away pretty quickly. When they tell me to calm down or say things like "you are overreacting" then it just makes me even more nervous and I start to panic even more. Empathy and showing your support can go a long way when people are having panic attacks.

 

[redpanda]

Telling someone to "calm down" or "you're overreacting" is definitely not helpful. I've also had someone say I was being "dramatic" and that felt awful. The best thing someone can do is just be there to listen and reassure. My significant other talks to me and emphasizes that it's a temporary feeling that will always go away. If in doubt, just ask your friend if they need anything and let them know that you're there for them. Above all, be patient and understanding, we usually feel terrible about causing a commotion to begin with.

 

[cafwen]

Telling someone to "calm down" or "you're overreacting" is definitely not helpful. I've also had someone say I was being "dramatic" and that felt awful. The best thing someone can do is just be there to listen and reassure. My significant other talks to me and emphasizes that it's a temporary feeling that will always go away. If in doubt' date=' just ask your friend if they need anything and let them know that you're there for them. Above all, be patient and understanding, we usually feel terrible about causing a commotion to begin with.[/quote']
Thank you, that is very helpful! What made me feel even worse was that on one occasion I actually caused her attack - I managed to let an egg explode in the microwave, *smacks forehead* which naturally gave her (and everyone else!) a huge fright. The difference was she became convinced that she was going to have a heart attack, and I felt so awful!

 

[cafwen]

Thank you for sharing this link. My boyfriend periodically experiences panic attacks and they a frightening to watch...so I can't imagine experiencing one first hand. I always equated telling someone going through that to "calm down" is like telling a depressed person "it's all in your head" (I have my depression under management, and being told that always made it worse) or an angry women that they are over-reacting.
Usually he goes from wanting to be held physically to pushing me away and needing space to wanting to be comforted again. The first time was especially tough as it felt like an outright rejection of myself. But it isn't about me, as the witness. I usually cradle his head and sometimes even hum to him, and when he needs the distance I give it to him...I'll go make him a cup of tea. By the time I get back and he sips it for a bit, he wants me to hold him again.


I know everyone is different and needs/wants different things, but that is what has worked for us so far. Just "riding it out" so to speak, and just being there when he needs me.

That sounds a lot like my friend - sometimes she needs to get up and walk around a bit on her own, but at the same time doesn't really want to be alone. It's tricky trying to gauge how much space to give. You don't want to crowd here and make it worse either. Thanks very much for the insight.

 

[sidney]

Thanks for sharing this article, now I know what to do if ever I see someone having panic attacks. I guess in general you need to be concerned and empathetic to them, because that's what they need most, an understanding and listening ear.

 

[HappyKoi]

This is a really good article. Thanks for sharing! Sometimes if someone I know is having a panic attack, I'll sit near them. If I know it helps and that they'll be okay with it, sometimes I sit close enough so our legs or shoulders are touching, or I'll put my hand on their arm. That way they know, even if their eyes are closed, that someone is near them and that they're safe. Cafwen made a really good point about how much space to give someone. When I have a panic attack, I don't want everyone staring, but I'm kind of afraid to be by myself, too. The nicest people have gotten me into a bathroom or a back office or out to a car or some other semi-private space.

 

[whysewserious]

That sounds a lot like my friend - sometimes she needs to get up and walk around a bit on her own, but at the same time doesn't really want to be alone. It's tricky trying to gauge how much space to give. You don't want to crowd here and make it worse either. Thanks very much for the insight.

I try to let him know exactly where I will be if I leave the room - "I'm going to the kitchen to make some tea", for example. That way if he does need me, he knows where to find me. I never treat him like a child, but often feel like when I communicate very simple and directly, as I would with a young person, it keeps things easier for him to manage. Usually his are brought on by an overload of information, and I don't want to add on to that by making his brain have to work harder.

 

[pnx626]

I've seen a lot of really good advice that people have put. For me the worst thing is when people get in my personal space, a lot of my anxiety is triggered by crowds so it helps to just have someone sit next to me and be there quietly so I'm not alone but I have space to breathe.


I also have a friend who's autistic and she gets these episodes of like frustration-rage is how she explained them. And for her people don't always realize she's going into one since she'll just get snappy and go curl up in a corner, but it helps if I or someone else is there to get her out of the room and away from other people. I just keep talking calmly and quietly about whatever, like random small talk without any questions that she has to answer so I'm just rambling.

 

[Usagi]

My sister and I both get panic attacks, so it's easy for us to understand what we're both going through. The very first thing we ask each-other is "what can you see/hear/smell/feel etc." to try to ground ourselves and work through that numbing fog. I try to keep away from asking "what do you need?" because it might add an extra layer of stress if she doesn't know what she needs. We're in a lucky position that we can look out for one another like that. Uh, not that it's really lucky that we both have episodes like this... But you know what I mean.

 

[kgord]

Yes, I think crowding into their personal space is not good. I think that it is just one of the ways that you could make someone who is having a panic attack feel worse. It is hard for people to know what to do, if they see someone having a panic attack because they don't want to say or do the wrong thing, also what the person needs could vary from person to person. Sometimes the person doesn't even know what they need.

 

[DDNatureLover]

I think it depends on the relationship. If I'm around strangers, obviously I wouldn't want someone getting too close, particularly if it's a PTSD induced panic attack. If I'm around someone who understands the situation and knows how to calm me, that's a different situation. I've been around others several times when they've been having panic attacks, and for those who knew me, was able to get them to focus on their breathing, a mantra, or a candle's flame, in order to become centered and calmed, because we'd worked that out in advance. For someone I wasn't familiar with ahead of time, I would use a soft tone and speak slowly and use calming words, and not approach quickly or make any fast movements that could exacerbate the situation.