Thinking of the Past Triggers Depression

[Julian]

I've posted about getting depressed over everything in life before, however, this is different.


Whenever I think of any moment, ANY, 6+ months prior to the present, I can't help but get depressed. Let me explain, I mean, let me TRY to explain.


It feels as if the depression is linked to progress loss. It's as if all I've accomplished in between now and the memory, vanishes.


But it doesn't feel as if I have to do everything all over again. It just feels like... Depression.


I could think of anything; vacations, playing as a kid, making friends in school... It just gets me depressed and distracted from my work.


I probably understand what caused it, highschool. When I was in highschool, I failed the first year. The school tried to get rid of me ASAP, and while doing so they not only messed up my last year on that school, they didn't find me a new school. Before I knew it, I was stuck at home, and no schools would accept students to join since the next school year had already started.


Long story short, I ended up studying at home while lagging behind 3-4 years, and I never saw a highschool again. As if my social life wasn't bad enough already.


The more I talk about it the more I understand how the past triggers my depression. I would sit there staring at the same books I had been staring at for 4 years, while my friends were going to university... But why does everything in the past depress me? Even last year's vacation. Thinking of that feels the same as thinking of highschool.


I still can't complain. I live in a western country, etc etc. But sometimes it's just too much.

 

[kelden]

So, past's regrets make you depressed? Is not so common, when you think about all the time lost and how much you paid for mistakes, depression certainly kicks and makes things worse. But think about this, what you can achieve in the future will allow you move on and forgive yourself for all these stuff from the past. I also had my share of regrets in regards of my past, I lost a lot of chances because was too "busy" being overwhelmed by anxiety, and a coward in general. But nowadays, that guy from the past does not define me entirely anymore.

 

[Alex]

I do empathize and know how you feel. Visiting my parents in my childhood town triggers the bad memories too, but I try to think of the good things that I have been able to do. How I work around it is to look at what I did gain from the experiences. I was bullied my entire school life, but it made me stronger and I stood up for myself even though it was a very lonely time.


I look at it in terms of that is who I was, and it will always be part of me, but it doesn't define me. Perhaps you need to focus on you and not what other are doing or have done. One of the things I find with depression is that people feel pressurized to keep in line with their peers. I know that is because society expects it, but then you get to a point where you realize no one really is noticing that, it's just what we are lead to believe to follow.

 

[Aree Wongwanlee]

I have a similar problem with the past. It's not about things which I regret I have done. Even simple things from the past can make me feel constricted in the chest and make my breathing labored. It's rather odd, I think. Why should I feel bad about my past? I haven't had such a bad past after all. Maybe it's because of my age. I am already old. Perhaps thinking about my past reminds me that I don't have that much of a future left.

 

[Ashley0323]

I do have these moments as well. I think its very normal. I sometimes catch myself thinking of people in my family who have passed, and how much I miss them and how much them being gone has truly impacted me, and I will get depressed and it takes me awhile to get out of it.

 

[gracer]

I do have my moments of depression whenever I relive the past. It is because I would always compare how how I lived my life before and how different it is now. I had a lot of opportunities and potential before, but now all of them seemed to have disappeared and that's what make me feel so down and depressed.

 

[pwarbi]

We all tend to look at the past and if we have experienced certain events that have made us sad then e tend to dwell on them, and if you are prone to depression anyway then that will obviously be a major trigger. I've mentioned before on other threads that it's important to be able to look at the here and now, and what is going on in the future rather than looking back all the time. While I agree that it's important to reflect on the past and to be able to learn lessons from the things have been through, we have to stop ourselves from beating ourselves up over things that haven't worked out. Regret can be the biggest thing to hold a person back and the words 'if only' can stop you from having a future if you use them too often.

 

[17emilyhalko]

I know what you mean. When I think about something either sad or happy, it makes me depressed. For this reason, I try not to dwell on the past. I have many regrets, of course, and they make me sad. I have many things that I wish that I'd done, and this makes me even WORSE. But then there's also the happy memories that crumble and turn to dust and upset me. I'm not exactly sure why this is; I think that its either because I wish that I could be as happy as I was then, or I just wish that things were the way that it was then. I wish that the friends in my memories would come back, the memories could replay themselves. Nostalgia is bittersweet.

 

[fuzyon]

Fortunately one of the lessons I've learned in my life is that the past doesn't matter at all, I've done a lot of stupid stuff that makes me cringe when I think about it but there's nothing I can do about it. For the most part what happened before doesn't matter, what will happen in the future doesn't matter and the only thing that you should be worrying about is your present and how you're dealing with stuff. You're stronger than you realise!

 

[Julian]

So' date=' past's regrets make you depressed? Is not so common, when you think about all the time lost and how much you paid for mistakes, depression certainly kicks and makes things worse. But think about this, what you can achieve in the future will allow you move on and forgive yourself for all these stuff from the past. I also had my share of regrets in regards of my past, I lost a lot of chances because was too "busy" being overwhelmed by anxiety, and a coward in general. But nowadays, that guy from the past does not define me entirely anymore.[/quote']
No, not quite. Let me explain.


It's not any regrets that make me depressed. I get depressed by thinking of anything that's in the past, including old vacations, making friends in high school, etc.


I explained how this might have been caused by what happened in high school, which wasn't my fault. My entire high school career got messed up by my schools, not by me. So I'm not sure why you think I've got any regrets.

 

[Dybbuk Jones]

I get it. It's like you are completely pulled back into that place where things are painful and it doesn't even matter how long it's been since it happened. For most people, that "time heals all wounds" cliche is actually pretty true and works fine, but sometimes there is so much time. And I feel like an idiot for remembering this stuff and being dragged back into these time periods where nothing seemed to go right. For two years after I broke up with a girlfriend, I couldn't hear anyone else complain about their relationship problems or their dates without falling into a particularly dark hole where I just didn't want to say anything and food had no taste.

 

[kelden]

Alright. I guess I misunderstood that situation in your life as something you might feel regretted about it. But, why school tried to get rid of you as soon as possible? And how was your home study ? Why you lagged behind 3 to 4 years?

 

[chanelskii]

I understand you. I do feel the same way sometimes. I don't actually know how to resolve this since sometime whenever I remember my past, I feel okay and sometimes I am so miserable I couldn't even talk to anyone. I guess it's mostly because we can't feel like we could achieve anything better or that maybe we want to go back to that feeling in the past that's why it saddens us too much when we remember it. Maybe there's a way out of it, but for now I think talking about it to friends or family might help because that's what I do.

 

[Julian]

Alright. I guess I misunderstood that situation in your life as something you might feel regretted about it. But' date=' why school tried to get rid of you as soon as possible? And how was your home study ? Why you lagged behind 3 to 4 years?[/quote']
They didn't like students that were struggling, and I was struggling. I've even gotten suspended because I got beat up by someone. One day they stole my phone for no reason, and when I asked for it to be returned to me, my behavior was considered ''aggressive'', and they sent me off to a special school where I got hit by kids nearly every day, even in the bus. By the time I got back to my original school (6 months later), I lagged behind too much to be able to finish the school year. And since I had failed 2 years in a row, the school kicked me out. Here, schools are required to find you a new school when they kick you out, but they didn't. Resulting in me having to go to yet another special school, and it all went downhill from there.


The full story is way too long, sorry.

 

[HappyKoi]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like it was pretty rough, and I can see why thinking on it would be depressing.


It may take some time, but it might help for you to pay close attention to your feelings. "Depressed" can be a pretty wide-ranging concept. Do you feel hurt? Like you're missing out? Guilty, like you did something wrong? Angry? All of the above and some more? That might give you some insight into why the past depresses you, and it can be a good place to start on looking at those feelings in the present and working through them.

 

[John Snort]

In order to move on, you need to talk to someone about the things in the past that still cause you pain. You made mistakes? Forgive yourself and move on since you can't change the past. Something else that can help is erasing the memories that make you feel depressed.

 

[kelden]

Man, that was awful. My school was pretty much crappy too, but I was mostly neglected instead of receiving abused. I encourage you to speak against this institution of cruelty and discrimination, where's that place located? And whom were responsibles of this? It really wasn't your fault; but you have to tell this nightmarish experience to media or anything willful to hear your voice and reveal the perpetrators of this crime

 

[Julian]

Man' date=' that was awful. My school was pretty much crappy too, but I was mostly neglected instead of receiving abused. I encourage you to speak against this institution of cruelty and discrimination, where's that place located? And whom were responsibles of this? It really wasn't your fault; but you have to tell this nightmarish experience to media or anything willful to hear your voice and reveal the perpetrators of this crime[/quote']
I doubt that the media would care much, after all, I'm just another kid having issues with school. Besides that, if I had studied properly from the start I wouldn't have landed in that disastrous second year. So the blame could always be just put on me.


That special school was infested with Morrocans (not to be racist, but Morrocans in the Netherlands are known to be THE problem of our society, and it shows). So it wasn't much of a surprise that I would get intimidated, hit, or have something thrown at me at least once a day. Teachers would even have to guard me, and failed to do so.


The original school I was at is supposedly one of the higher rated schools, but I guess that's only for native Dutch kids. I quickly noticed how much of a difference a brown skin made there. As I had already mentioned, I once even got suspended while I was the one who got beat up (on my birthday, mind you). And the guy that beat me up didn't even face any sort of punishment.


The school really is to blame, they discriminated me, ruined my second year by sending me off to hell for 6 months, and didn't find me a new school when I couldn't continue on theirs. But it's a bit too late to complain now. It's all years in the past, and I've got no evidence for discrimination. As much as I would love to take them to court, there's no point and it's not possible.

 

[janemariesayed]

I've been having terrible problems lately of remembering times in my past and it makes me cringe with pain. I agree with you totally that remembering the past brings it on. I have seen that other people have had bad and sad events happen in their lives but they just don't seem to be bothered by it at all. I wonder how they can just go on with life like nothing has happened. Conduct their day with a stiff upper lip so to speak. Maybe my problem is that I think too much as when I'm not thinking or focusing on past events I feel much better. Sometimes though I think of a good time and that still makes me feel bad as I feel as though I made a mistake to that person and become full of regret.

 

[Panic57]

My past regrets haunt me to. I had to learn not to focus on because it distracts from the present. Half of my most depressed moments had to do with getting absorbed in the events I didn't handle well. Hindsight can be really cruel because it keeps on telling you that if you went back, you could have done better but really, you could have only done better wit the knowledge you learned from that bad event. I think we all have that one event where our life changed drastically and we failed to properly meet the challenges. When I find that my mind is turning towards the past, I go do something to realigns my focus to the future.